Introduction
لقد رفضها أولاً، فلا يمكنها أن تسمح له بتجاوز دفاعاتها والدخول إلى قلبها. لذا أغلقت كل أبوابها، وأغلقت نوافذها وأقفلتها أيضاً للتأكد. ولكن عندما حل الليل، لم يكتفِ بالظهور عند بابها فقط - بل كسر النافذة أيضاً. لأنه من أجلها، لن يكون معقولاً أبداً.
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About Author

Amina Adamou
Chapter 1
الماضي
لو كنت أعلم ما سأواجهه في ذلك اليوم، لكنت تجنبت الذهاب إلى المدرسة. كنت سأغير الولاية، أو أتبنى هوية جديدة - بل حتى أجري جراحة تجميلية إذا لزم الأمر. أي شيء لأتجنب أكثر أيام حياتي إذلالًا.
لكن بالطبع لم أكن أستطيع التنبؤ بالمستقبل، لذا ذهبت إلى المدرسة بجهل مثل أي طالب بائس آخر. كانت أسوأ خطأ ارتكبته على الإطلاق.
شقت طريقي بين الأجساد المتدفقة، رأسي منخفض، محاولًا أن أبدو صغيرًا وغير مرئي قدر الإمكان. كانت الجرس قد رنّ، وكان معظم الناس يهرعون إلى الفصول، ولم يبق سوى القليل عند الخزائن. لا شك أنهم يخططون للتهرب من الحصة أو ربما يستمتعون ببضع دقائق إضافية من الحرية. لم يكن لدي هذا الامتياز، كنت منشغلًا أكثر بالخروج من الممر. بسرعة. كان المكان ساحة معركة عندما تكون في أسفل السلسلة الغذائية.
وكأن الأمور تسير وفقًا للخطة، دفعني أحد المارة غير المرئيين - دفعًا كان من الواضح أنه خشن جدًا ليكون عرضيًا - ودفعني للأمام. شهقت، ورفعت كفّي بشكل انعكاسي. كان ذلك بلا جدوى، كنت على وشك الاصطدام وشخص ما أمامي سيكون ضحية جانبية. ارتجفت.
لكن كفّي لامست جسدًا. ولم أسقط.
تجعدت أصابعي فوق جدار عضلي صلب، والطبقة القماشية تحته قطنية ولم تستطع إخفاء نبضات قلب متسارعة تشبه نبضاتي. صعقة كهربائية عبرت من كفّي، صعودًا عبر ذراعي وصولًا إلى أطراف أصابعي.
تنفست بارتعاش. رغم أننا كنا في مكان مزدحم وحواسي كذئب لم تكن قوية أبدًا، إلا أن رائحته كانت طاغية. رائحة الصنوبر والعشب وقليل من الكولونيا. لقد شممت رائحة الغابة، رغم أنه لم يكن يبدو أنه اقترب منها. كان يرتدي بنطلون كاكي أسود، وقميصًا أبيض نظيفًا وحذاء رياضي. ارتفعت عيناي لأعلى، متجاوزة فكًا حليقًا، وأنفًا معوجًا وأخيرًا توقفت عند زوج من العيون الجليدية. كانت ضيقة، وكانت تنتمي إلى كين وايلدر.
ابن الزعيم الذي لم أره إلا من بعيد. الذي ذهب إلى عمه في الصيف وكان من المفترض أن يعود اليوم. كان هذا كل ما يتحدث عنه الجميع في المدرسة.
حولت نظري للحظة. كان القليل من الناس المتبقين في الممر يحدقون. الأرنب سقط حرفيًا في أحضان الذئب. أعتقد أنهم كانوا يتساءلون إذا كان سيأخذ قضمة مني أو شيء من هذا القبيل. لم أستطع أن أهتم بذلك.
لكن عندما تركني كين، ووجهه خالٍ من التعبير، شعرت بالحرارة تتصاعد في وجهي. شكرًا للنجوم أن بشرتي كانت داكنة بما يكفي لدرجة أنك لا تستطيع رؤية الاحمرار وإلا كنت سأبدو كطماطم متحركة معظم الوقت. كنت أحدق فيه علنًا بعد أن ساعدني. لا بد أنه يظن أنني أحمق أخرق. عضضت شفتي، وبحثت في أفكاري المشوشة عن اعتذار معقول.
"ملكي"، قلت فجأة.
يا إلهي. يا إلهي. ماذا قلت للتو؟
رفع حاجبه، واحمر وجهي أكثر بسبب جرأتي، وسحبت يدي بعيدًا عن صدره. أمسك بإحدى يدي قبل أن أتمكن من التراجع.
"ملكك؟" سأل.
لم يبدو الأمر تمامًا كأنه سؤال. لابد أنه أدرك ذلك أيضًا، لأنه أصبح أكثر وضوحًا مع كل ثانية تمر. ما كنا عليه. نصفان يكملان بعضهما، روح لروح، كلاهما مرتبطان بمصير خارج فهم أي شخص. رفقاء.
رفع يده الأخرى، ومررها عبر ضفائري بطول الكتف، وسحبها بلطف. "اركعي."
رمشت بعيني. "ماذا؟"
تجعدت أصابعه في قبضة. كان السحب هذه المرة قويًا بما يكفي لجعلي أصرخ. كافٍ لجلب الدموع إلى عيني.
"اركعي"، كرر، وجهه بلا تعبير لكن كلماته مغلفة بثقل من الهيمنة.
النوع الذي لا يستطيع الذئاب الأضعف إلا الخضوع له. الخضوع للمفترسين الأكبر كان كيف ينجو الأضعف في عالمنا، كان مغروسًا في كل جزيء من كياننا. في لحظة، قبل أن أعي ما يحدث، كانت ركبتي على الأرض. أمام كل هؤلاء الطلاب - البشر والذئاب على حد سواء.
انفجر الهواء بالهمسات، والقهقهات كانت كرشفة من الثلج البارد على جلدي.
اهتز جسدي، ليس فقط من الإذلال، ولكن من الرغبة في كشف عنقي له. الطريقة التقليدية لإظهار أنك لست تهديدًا للذئب الآخر، غريزة بقاء من المستحيل تقريبًا مقاومتها. ومع ذلك هذا ما فعلته، أصر على أسناني ضد حكمتي السليمة حتى أتمكن من النظر في عينيه وسؤاله.
"لماذا؟"
سخر. حتى ذلك الحين، لم أستطع منع قلبي من الخفقان بتلك العيون التي تحدق في، ولم أستطع إلا أن أجدها جميلة. جمال قاسٍ من نوعه.
"رفيق؟" قهقه. "لا أريد أوميجا بائسة."
قبضت على صدري، الكلمات كانت كالإبر تخترق قلبي. "ألا تريدني؟" خرج صوتي لاهثًا.
"لا."
استدار، ومشى بعيدًا كما لو أنه ألقى القمامة فقط وكان يمضي قدمًا في حياته.
انحنيت إلى الأمام، جسدي تحرر من وضع البقاء لكنه لا يزال يرتجف. انجرفت أفكاري إلى مكان ضبابي مظلم في رأسي حيث كنت أنعى فقدان شيء لم يكن لي أبدًا. وفي مكان ما في ذلك الضباب، سمعت الضحك. رافقني طوال الطريق خارج المدرسة في ذلك اليوم، مع صدى كلمات كين. سخرية اشمئزازه محفورة إلى الأبد في وعيي.
"لا أريدك."
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About Author

Amina Adamou
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