Chapter 4 CHAPTER
CHAPTER 004
Niklas' POV
I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes, all that comes to mind is Emilia—like she's everywhere and haunting my thoughts. Her hand touched mine earlier today... I still feel it now, hours later—warmth from her skin brushing against mine; an electric surge between us that was too strong to ignore.
But what does any of it mean? She has been my best friend for years, like family to me. I should be looking out for her, not... feeling like this.
As I stare at the ceiling, trying to make sense of things, a knot forms in my chest that won't dissipate, and a weight remains heavy on my shoulders. For so long I lied to myself by pretending not to care about her in that way—only now it has become clear it was real, and this realization terrifies me.
What if this goes terribly wrong and ruins everything? Will I lose everything by making these choices?
As Emilia probably remains awake, perhaps feeling just as confused, I hear footsteps coming across from another room and know it must be Emilia whom I hear treading quietly to her room. Instead of speaking out directly about it with Emilia, though, my room remains silent with me feeling helplessly stuck between feelings that seem too abstract for words—staying put until my emotions make more sense to me and finding comfort somewhere within myself.
Sleepy and disoriented, I toss and turn in bed until finally hearing her voice from the hallway.
"Niklas, Are You Up?"
She called out my name with such a callous tone that it made my heart race again. Why did I feel this way about someone so familiar to me—even one as trustworthy as Niklas—calling out? But whenever she did that, it felt like someone pulling me closer toward something dangerous.
"Yeah," I reply in my usual raspy tone, my voice not even sounding remotely familiar to myself. "Just couldn't sleep."
"Can I come in?" she asks as she knocks on the door.
"Yeah, sure," I finally replied with my heartbeat quickening slightly.
When the door creaks open and she steps inside, her face soft under dim light, she appears uncertain whether it would be appropriate to say anything at this moment. She seems as if she wants to say something but doesn't know if it would be received well by everyone present.
"Hey," she whispers quietly, her voice almost nonexistent. "I was thinking about... earlier. If my actions have caused any confusion or uncomfortableness for you."
"No, it isn't strange." My mouth becomes dry as I struggle for words. "It's just... I don't know."
She sits down on the edge of my bed, her gaze searching mine. I can feel the tension between us. It's thick, almost oppressive. I want to say something, anything; yet what should I say, or how can I fix this situation?
My mind raced; my heart pounded furiously; then... there was an explosion.
At first, I am startled into action. Shouting "Emilia!" I race toward the sound.
I find her in the hallway, sitting wracked by pain on the floor and holding onto her ankle with every movement, wincing in agony at every move she makes.
"Emilia, are you okay?" My heart beats fast as I kneel beside her with anxiety in my chest.
"I'm okay... I just tripped," she insists, but her voice cracks, signalling she may be suffering greatly from what looks like a small fall. I can see it all over her face: agony and anguish.
"Let me help you," I tell her with my voice more assertive than intended. As I gently lift her into my arms and carry her back to her room, she doesn't protest; her body simply relaxes into mine.
"Don't worry," I assure her as I glance down at her ankle, shaking with nervousness. "Everything's going to be okay—let's just get this examined."
"I'm fine!" she insists, but I hear fear in her voice.
I can't resist. Gently touching her ankle, inspecting its injury. Her gasp was sharp, but she did not pull away; my breath quickened in sync with hers as though there were an invisible force drawing us together.
Her eyes, wide with something I cannot place- Vulnerability? Desire?—it makes my heart race with emotion as soon as she gazes upon me, making my pulse quicken with anticipation of what may lie ahead. Suddenly my body recoils in fear as my senses detect it all too keenly—my pulse racing, my blood boiling.
My hand lingers lightly on hers while I adjust her foot, and it sends shockwaves through me. Her skin feels warm against mine; my whole body tingles. Even though I know better, I find myself holding on too tight.
At first, we just stared at each other, the tension so thick I could almost taste it. Her pulse raced beneath my fingers; her breathing became faster. No words were exchanged between us—yet somehow the air between us felt charged.
No longer do I understand what's happening around me; I have no idea how we got here but can't stop moving forward despite wanting to.
"Emilia..." I speak softly, my voice barely above a whisper.
She swallows hard, her lips parted slightly. For an instant I think she might speak out. Instead she pulls away, her face flushing as she glances down at her ankles.
"I'm sorry," she whispers, but the words don't ring true; rather, they sound more like an excuse than anything else. Again. She moves away from me.
I want to stop her but don't know how. She has already shut me out, and I feel helpless.
"Are you sure you're okay?" I inquire, my voice more insistent than intended.
She gives me an evasive nod, still avoiding my gaze, before explaining she is just tired. "Yeah... just tired."
I know she's lying, so instead I reach for the ice pack on her nightstand and place it gently over her ankle, brushing against its skin again with my fingertips and feeling another surge of desire that I cannot control before pulling back before she notices.
"Get some rest," I suggest in an attempt to sound soothing; yet my heart beats faster as my words escape my lips. "I'll check on you later."
"Thanks," she responds in her soft tone, yet I hear an inflection in it that suggests distance.
As I walked out of her room, my mind began racing with questions of what action to take next. My feelings for her had only increased, yet somehow it seems impossible for us to continue pretending nothing has changed.
I must understand where things are headed; every time I think I have it under control, she slips away again.
Now I'm more afraid than ever; what will happen if I let this get out of control? Will my powerlessness take hold and become irreversible?
What if I muddle up everything?
"I know I can't lose her, and yet... how long will this pretense last?"