Chapter 4 Did he leave because of guilt?
“Yes, I like him too.” I knew it was dangerous, and maybe it wouldn't last. However, I could not ignore my emotions. I wouldn't abandon what brought me happiness, even if it was just for a short time. I had no intention of giving up.
“This is my moment,” I thought resolutely as the water wiped off.
“I won't lose it, no matter what happens.”
With a predetermined mindset, I switched off the shower and went outside. There was no way back now. As I hurriedly dried my hair, I thought, “I'll do everything I can to keep him, no matter what my mom thinks.” I had made a self-centered decision. I was always a terrible daughter to her. So be it, if this made me the worst. I had no intention of giving up on anything, particularly Ezekiel. I put on an ordinary dress and inhaled deeply. I wasn't sure what Ezekiel was thinking or doing, but I had to figure him out. He was a guy, and I understood males and him especially. Ezekiel was sensitive but not complicated.
During my brief acquaintance with him, I came to understand that he was in dire need of love and care. That was his weakness, and I wasn't afraid to take advantage of it. I was willing to take the chance that he would fall in love with me. I walked gently down the stairs, thinking I might see him, but there was no sound in the living room.
Too silent.
Doubt began to creep in.
“Did he leave because of guilt?” My heart fell as I pondered this. I could not handle the thought of him regretting last night. Abruptly, I noticed a slight sound coming from the storeroom's direction. I was curious, so I walked over, my pulse pounding a bit more quickly.
As I opened the door, there he was—Ezekiel, coated in dust. He raised his head, and our gazes briefly met. It made my heart skip a beat.
He appeared surprised to see me. “Isabella!” he stammered, obviously agitated. As though he had been working hard, his chest was rising and sinking. He had a big package in his hands, as if he had been going through old stuff.
“What are you doing?” I asked, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear and attempting to appear nonchalant. Even though I could tell he was uncomfortable, he faked a smile. “Just... looking for something important, that's all.”
I smiled back, conscious of the tension that hung between us.
"Oh," I stopped for a bit, unsure of what to say next, then asked, "Did you find what you were looking for?"
Ezekiel hesitated but smiled. "Um... yeah, I got it," he answered as he passed me, carrying a package. I could smell his familiar perfume as he passed by—warm, soothing, and enticing. My heart skipped a beat because of it. However, I saw that he avoided looking directly into my eyes, as if he were purposefully attempting to keep a distance between us.
He smiled slightly and set the package on the floor.
Our eyes locked briefly, and my heart started beating.
However, as soon as our gazes met, he dropped his gaze, leaving me in the dark about his emotions. I wanted to ask, but I couldn't find the right words.
"So, I'll take a quick shower and join you," he said hurriedly, trying to break the stillness.
"Today I ordered breakfast."
I nodded in response before he left the room. I kept my eyes on him until he went away down the corridor. Something was in the air—an uneasiness, a tension that had not been there the last night.
After he went, I looked at the box he had left there. Kneeling down, my curiosity took over. Without thinking, I started opening it.
Inside, there was an old photo album. I took a seat on the couch and started to turn the pages. Each photo appeared joyful—of a child with his parents at his side. The child had a joyful smile on his face. My fingertips delicately touched the image of, I thought, a young Ezekiel and his family.
He appeared so carefree, so unlike the guy he is now.
While I was lost in the old photos, paging through the memories, I heard Ezekiel's voice behind me.
"That's my mom," he said gently.
I turned around, startled. He was standing next to my left shoulder, leaning in close. His breath, the smell of his freshly washed hair, the faint scent of his shampoo—his presence was strong. I couldn't resist smiling.
"She's beautiful," I said, praising the woman in the picture. Her eyes have a soft firmness that made me think of Ezekiel.
"Indeed, she is," he said softly, with a hint of nostalgia in his voice.
We locked eyes as I looked up at him. Everything else darkened for a minute. We were so near, so recklessly close, that my lips would touch his if I moved even a fraction of an inch. My heart started pounding.
Ezekiel blinked, as if he realized the tension between us—the same pressure that had caused the incident last night. I observed it in his eyes, the internal struggle between desire and shame, the weight of what had occurred.
He moved uneasily, his voice tinged with nervousness, and said, "Come on, let's eat."
However, I remained still. Not even my stance changed. I wasn't going to let this opportunity pass me by so quickly. I wasn't the kind to change my mind once I made up my mind, and I knew precisely what I wanted. I decided to achieve my goals, just like I had done last night.
He looked at me again, this time hesitantly.
I just smiled and gently rose up, following him out of the room.
I knew Ezekiel could sense my eyes on him even though he was walking forward with his back to me. I wasn't going to give up, though. I would have him, whether he claimed to want it or not.
As we took our places at the breakfast table, I sipped my juice while taking a peek at Ezekiel. He appeared totally engrossed with his meal, staring at the dish, as though he was attempting to avoid my eyes.
I forced my lips together, wanting to strike up a conversation, but all I could think about was last night.
I wanted to know if he had found it pleasurable. I couldn't contain my thoughts any longer as those tormented me. I looked up at him and said, "Are you okay?"
Ezekiel started coughing the instant I said those words. I gave him a glass of water, and as he sipped it, doing his best to gather himself, I smiled to myself. Compared to the man I met, he was quite adorable when he was nervous.
His words no more than a whisper, he put the glass back on the table.
"Yes... of course."
I bit my knuckles softly and forced myself not to smile. He was flustered, which was cute. After delicately brushing my fingernails across my lips, I leaned slightly closer and said, "I'm talking about last night."
Ezekiel stopped and looked up at me, his eyes wide and unsure. With a swift shake of his head, he clutched the knife and said, his voice shaking, "Isabella! I... Look—"
But before he could say anything further, I interrupted him. "Don't apologize about it." I spoke in a tough yet kind tone.
"We both liked it. I'm sure you did."
His cheeks reddened, and he went mute. In an attempt to ease the stress, I lowered my voice even further. "It's just that I wasn't fully in my senses... so..."
I took a minute to gather my thoughts before raising my gaze back to him. "I somehow feel like I missed something."
Ezekiel's intense gaze locked into mine as though he was trying to find the proper words. I tried to ease the pressure in the air with an innocent smile. He spoke in a tight voice as I started to cut my bread.
"Isabella, what happened last night...it wasn't... I didn't mean for it to happen that way."
He ran his fingers through his hair, clearly uneasy.
For a moment, his eyes closed as though he was trying to think of the best way to explain. I felt a wave of annoyance surge through me. Excuses were not what I wanted to hear, not at this time.
I interrupted him in the middle of his statement and rose up quickly before he could finish. "Please, Isabella—"
Without thinking, I softly placed my hand under his chin, pushing his head toward mine. I leaned forward and gently kissed him without thinking twice. He was clearly surprised, but I didn't mind. I moved my fingertips through his hair, feeling the softness of him close to me.
It was overwhelming—the tenderness of the kiss, the fragrance of him. I brushed my lips against his carefully, relishing the moment and the way he seemed to envelop me.
There was no question about it.
The uneasiness from last night remained, but I wasn't going to allow it to fester. I was going to make things more amicable. I didn't have to let his guilt get in the way. I intended to have fun with the fire, then there was no question that I would leave it behind. I thought that my decision to travel to Italy was the best one I had ever made. If I had to say when I first met Ezekiel, my mom's boyfriend, then it was 25 days ago. I came to Italy twenty-five days ago at the urging of my mom.