Chapter 4 CHAPTER
A Negative Reality
Luca could feel Alessia’s burning gaze searing through him. One could cut with a knife the thick enough tension between them. Though he had prepared himself for whatever explosion was waiting for him at home, he already knew she was angry. Though they had their fair share of arguments in the past, this time it seemed different. This time it seemed as though they had reached a breaking point.
She shot him another glare and then turned back to the doctor, her lips pressed into a thin line and her arms tightly across her chest. Her posture clearly showed resentment, but Luca was too tired right now to confront it. All he knew was they needed a child three years into marriage. And if the hospital could give them a solution, why was she acting like it was the worst thing in the world?
Clearing his throat, the doctor broke through the stillness. “These are your final results.” He slid a sealed envelope across the desk.
Luca's pulse racing, he snapped out of his thoughts and grabbed it. That was it. The response to the discontent, the yearning, the restless nights spent wondering what was wrong. He simply prayed it was not bad news.
Pulling open the envelope, he unfolded the paper and checked the results. For a brief instant, the words blurred. He went back over them, but his brain rejected them.
“This… this can’t be right.”
Alessia chuckled. "Of course, you find it difficult. You understand nothing. Not myself. Not that marriage. And most definitely not the reason I first refused to be here."
Luca turned her aside and gazed up at the doctor, his brows wrinkled in perplexity. "Tell me this. Please."
Exhaled by the doctor, he dropped his pen. He took off his glasses, massaging his nose bridge before he started speaking. "The tests verify that Mrs. Romano, your wife, is infertile."
Luca felt her stomach tighten. "Infertile?" The word tasted foreign—impossible. The word seemed alien. "That is not conceivable. Someone must have made a mistake."
"I'm not afraid, not." The doctor spoke with strong clarity. "Alessia is not able to conceive."
Luca laughed a brief, tense chuckle. This had to be some sort of misreading. "But why? What is driving it? One has to find a solution for this."
The physician let out a sigh. "Her uterus has suffered permanent damage, most likely from the quantity of past abortions."
Luca hesitated.
"What?”
The room turned around. His hands held the chair as though the earth itself had slanted on its axis.
"Abortions?" he asked, hardly above a whisper. “That doesn’t make sense. Ten years have passed while I have accompanied Alessia. She has not had any, I know."
The doctor turned to check Alessia. "Let her certify that."
She turned to Luca. She still avoided looking at him. Her body was stiff, her lips pursed. But there was another thing, something like dread.
She exhaled at last and looked at him. "Luca... I can explain."
His heart thrashed. "Explain what??"
She stopped. “It… it was before we got married.”
His stomach twisted into knots. "How many?"
Alessia bit her lip and turned her hands downward. She looked so small, so unlike the fiery woman he had married. Still, that did not lighten the weight of her confession.
“…Six. Seven maybe.”
From his chair, Luca shot up. "Seven?!"
The room sucked out its air. His ears could hear his pulse raging. "You killed seven of my children?!?"
She trembled but said nothing.
"Oh my God…" His voice quipped. "What do you make of it?"
The width of Alessia's eyes expanded. "Luca—"
"Nothing. No, resist trying to spin this. Seven? Not a mistake. That's an option."
She grabbed his hand, but he jerked away. "Kindly. I was young at first. Should he discover, my father would have killed me. There was no option for me."
Luca let out a sour laugh. "No option? There were seven options for you."
The doctor cut in, "Calm down. There is nothing this argument will fix."
Luca turned around to meet him. "Then let me know, doctor. Is there any way to fix this?"
Shaking his head, the doctor said, "Her uterus suffers too much damage. She would suffer an ectopic pregnancy even if she did conceive. That would be fatal in life."
Luca sharply exhaled as his fingers ran through his hair. "So that's it?"
"Only one choice exists."
Luca nodded upward. "What is it?"
The doctor started to soften in expression. "A surrogate mother."
Luca let out a strong breath. A faint hope. That was not what he had anticipated. Perhaps all was still not lost.
Turning to Alessia, he was prepared to talk about it. She was already shaking her head, though, with a face set in opposition.
"No way."
Luca's relief disappeared. He faced her and tightened his jaw. “What do you mean ‘no way’?”
"I meant no way." Absolutely not. "Another woman carrying my child will not be here."
Luca started to clench his hands. "Do you hear yourself? There is nowhere else we could choose!"
"There always is a decision."
“Oh yeah? And yours as well. We have few choices since, unless you can magically heal your uterus…”
"I'm not interested. I am not going to do it."
Luca laughed, but with no humor. "You aren't going to do it. Yes. Is it not entirely about what you want?"
"This is my body, Luca."
"Your body? Not even able to carry a child! Whose loss must you pay for?"
Like he had slapped her, Alessia turned away. Between them was silence. The doctor seemed uneasy as well.
She said at last, her voice hardly above a whisper. "I have everything to lose."
Luca laughed incredulously. "You're incredible."
“Do you think this is easy for me?”
"Oh, I apologize; is this difficult for you? Has to be terrible, bearing seven dead children."
Alessia startled. "How dare you?"
"Why dare I? How brave you are!"
Clearing his throat, the doctor said, "You both need some time to sort through this."
Luca turned aside, clutching the rear of his chair. He had worn out. His head spun with a range of feelings. Here he had come in search of a solution, answers. Rather, he had strolled directly into a dream.
One last time he looked at Alessia. Her hands tightly in her lap, she was staring at the floor. He wondered whether he could ever look at her the same way once more.
"I need air," he said, then rushed from the office.
Alessia did not phone him afterwards. She let him go without following. Perhaps she knew nothing more could be said.