CHAPTER 2
She drew in a steady breath, steeling herself.
"I've found a place... a private club, really. One that centers around power exchange and control. I think I need to explore that part of myself. To finally understand whether it's something I've always needed—something I've been missing without ever realizing it. Maybe I'll find answers. Maybe I won't. But I can't ignore it anymore. I had to tell you, Clement. You deserved that much."
Her voice softened, the weight of honesty pressing down like a stone in her chest.
"I never felt unloved, not once. You gave me everything. Anything I needed, you'd have given without hesitation. But this… this I couldn't ask for. Not from you. And now, there's this empty space inside me. A hole that may never fully heal. But even a temporary reprieve—just something to help me breathe again—would be welcome. That's why I'm doing this. I'll be safe. I've made sure of that."
She hesitated, her gaze locked on the etched name before her.
"And… I'm letting you go. Finally. I've clung to your memory so tightly for so long, afraid to move forward. But life is still moving. Karla and Ken are worried. Sophia too. And Derrick… he's been so patient, but I've leaned on him for too long. I don't want to be that woman anymore."
Her voice cracked, but she pushed through it, steady now.
"You gave me wings once. Made me believe I could stand on my own. But when you died, everything I knew crumbled. You were my world. And when you left, that world went with you. But I want it back. I want to live again. Not like this—empty and numb."
She paused, then said something she hadn't dared voice before.
"And I forgive you. I know you didn't leave by choice. Still, I was angry. So angry. For so long. I needed someone to blame, and you weren't here to defend yourself. I held onto that resentment like it could fill the space you left. But I'm done with that now."
She ran her fingers lightly across the sun-warmed stone, a soft farewell in the gesture.
"I love you. I miss you. I always will. But it's time to say goodbye, Clement. Wherever you are, I hope you're at peace… and that you know how deeply I loved you. Thank you for everything."
Tears welled, but she kept them in check, closing her eyes until the storm passed. When she opened them again, she was ready.
A final glance at the grave, where petals danced away in the wind. Then she turned, shoulders straight, her steps sure. The sun broke fully through the clouds, warming her skin. She tilted her face upward, accepting the light like a blessing. Maybe it was a sign. Or maybe just her heart finally allowing hope to break through the grief.
Derrick stood by the car, his eyes searching her face for clues. She kept her expression neutral, knowing what came next wouldn't sit well with him.
She waited until they were in the car and driving before she spoke.
"I've got lunch plans. You don't have to hang around today. I've also made arrangements for tonight."
She said it casually, letting him interpret it however he wanted.
His brow furrowed, concern etched into every line of his face. At the next red light, he reached for her hand.
"What's going on with you?"
His voice was quiet, but it held a note of urgency.
Sandra offered a faint smile. "I'm meeting Karla and Sophia. I think… it's time I stopped mourning Clement the same way every year. It's been three years. He's not coming back."
The words stung as they left her mouth, but saying them made them real. She could almost feel something uncoiling inside her—something that had been tightly wound for far too long.
She thought she saw relief flicker in Derrick's eyes, but if it had been there, it disappeared just as quickly.
"Do you want me to come by after?" he asked.
She shook her head. "No. You've done more than enough for me. It's time I stood on my own. You've been holding me up for so long, I've forgotten how to walk without help. I'm sorry if I've been a weight on your life."
His fingers tightened slightly around hers. "Don't say that. You were never a burden. Clement was like a brother to me, and you— You matter, Sandra. A lot."
She gave his hand a squeeze as the light turned green and they moved forward.
"I know. And I'm grateful. I really am. But I need to do this. For myself."
Derrick didn't speak again. His silence filled the car, heavy but not hostile.
When they reached her house, he walked her to the door. She turned to thank him, ready to say goodbye.
"This isn't goodbye," he said quietly. "Just because you think you're done needing me doesn't mean I'm going to vanish. Be ready for that."
He turned and walked away before she could answer, leaving her stunned at the base of her steps.
Sandra pulled into the Lux Café's lot, spotting Sophia's silver Mercedes already parked. The car had been a gift from Clement the year before he died. Memories tugged at her, but she pushed them down.
She spotted her friends waiting near the entrance and waved, rushing inside.
Sophia's eyes lit up when she saw her, though they still carried shadows. She pulled Sandra into a hug, whispering, "How are you?"
"I'm okay," Sandra answered—and this time, she meant it.
Karla greeted her with equal warmth. "You holding up?"
"I'm starving," Sandra replied with a smile. "Let's sit. Then I'll talk."
They chose a booth in the corner, far from the crowded tables. Sandra always hated feeling overheard.
"You look… different," Karla said, studying her closely.
"I am," Sandra replied simply.
Sophia blinked. "What changed?"
"It's not what's changed. It's what's about to."
That earned twin looks of curiosity. The waiter came, and Sandra placed her usual order—Shaking Beef—without opening the menu. Karla and Sophia exchanged a knowing glance.
When the server left, Sandra turned to Karla.
"I have a question. It's personal… about you and Ken. I know I've heard you talk about it before, but if I'm crossing a line, just tell me."
Karla's smile faltered briefly, and something flickered in her eyes—pain, maybe—but she nodded. "Ask whatever you want."
Sandra leaned forward. "You've said that you and Ken have a dominant-submissive relationship. That he's in charge—everywhere. I just want to understand more. Not out of judgment. Just… curiosity."
Sophia tensed beside her, lips tightening, but Sandra reached for her hand, grounding them both.
Karla tilted her head, curious now. "Why do you want to know?"
Sandra exhaled slowly. "Because I think… it's something I've always needed. Even when I was with Clement, the desire was there. But I never asked for it. He couldn't have given it to me, even if I had. Not after what he went through growing up. The idea of control frightened him. He never wanted to become his father."
Sophia's eyes welled, and Sandra gave her hand a firm squeeze.
"And now you want to explore that?" Karla asked gently.
Sandra nodded.
Sophia sat upright, voice shaking. "Sandra, are you sure? You don't know what kind of people you might meet. It's dangerous."
"I'm not diving in blindly," Sandra said softly. "I've found a place… It's called The House."
Recognition sparked in Karla's expression. "Ken and I are members. Damon Roche owns it—he's a friend. Very respected."
"He's who I spoke to," Sandra admitted. "He was thorough. Made sure I knew what I was getting into."
Sophia stared, stricken. "Sandra… this is a lot."
Sandra nodded again. "It is. But so was losing him. I'm not trying to replace Clement. That's impossible. I just want to feel alive again. Even if it's only for a little while."
The table fell quiet, and for the first time in years, Sandra didn't feel lost in her grief.
She felt ready.