Chapter 5
Later that day, I received a text from Gin asking me if I am okay. I did not reply for I don't know if I am, I don't even know what I feel. I turned off my phone too since Caroline was trying to call me. I don't feel like talking to anyone.
Perhaps this was because of the result of my expectation that didn't turn out as I expected it to be. Disappointment. A big disappointment.
I have to admit that last night, when Gin agreed to meet us, I was hoping that maybe Caroline could do something that would make him admit that he is Dion and was just playing with me. But it turned out to be nothing.
"Maybe you are just dwelling with the thought that Dion might still come back." a thought in my head said.
Well, yea, maybe. And maybe I have to let go of that too. Maybe Dion's not going to come back anymore. Who knows what happened to him.
If he is still alive... or not. If he already found someone new, how would I know? When I tried to come to their hospital one time I was in California, I tried to get in and ask if I can talk to their chairman, but they said no, I can't unless I am someone important. And they have this non-disclosure rule where it was included that they could not disclose anything about the hospital's higher-ups.
Every attempt I did to contact even just one of them failed. They went off rigid, I can't find them even in social media, even Janice which was odd. Sometimes, I am overthinking that what if Janice and Dion were back together and they just don't want me to know?
That thought made me cry sometimes, and I am just trying my best to push it away whenever it was coming into my head. It's not healthy for me to think about that.
But then, what about his promise?
"Promises are meant to be broken, Zhanaia."
What Caroline said before echoed in my head and I can't help but to sigh and shake my head. She's right though. Promises are meant to be broken. There were only a few promises that were kept.
I sighed once again and stared at the beautiful river of Limmat. It was beautiful, the sun rays that bounced in the river's water brought a sparkling effect on it, and everyone was admiring it.
Amidst the heat of the late morning sun, everyone was up to watch it, most of them were taking pictures, with a big goofy smile on their faces. I put a smile on my face too before I turned on my heels to walk. Perhaps I just need to try my best and enjoy. After all, this was my vacation.
When I went home that day, Zhairo asked me what happened. Turned out that Caroline told him or ready, and it made me annoyed. I thought we have agreed not to tell this to Zhairo. She knew that Zhairo is mad at Dion and from how I see it now, this will not turn good.
"So, what if that Gin was Dion and he's just good at making you two believe that he's not?"
I took a deep breath and controlled myself. I have decided not to think more about it and just let it go but here he was my brother, trying to make me think again.
"Zhairo, please. Believe me, he's not Dion. They just looked alike. Nothing more. Let us not talk about this."
"But—"
"Enough!" I bellowed, shocking us both.
The living room fell on silence and neither of us said anything. Tears brimmed at the corner of my eyes but I fought the urge to let them fall and again, took a deep breath.
"Stop it," I said. "I don't want to think about it. Zhairo, I've had enough. I cannot let Dion do this to me anymore. Do not ever talk about him or even Gin because I am going to move on. Eight years is enough. Caroline is right. Promises are meant to be broken and I should not hope that he will come back and fulfill his promise. Everything ends now."
I went up to my room and locked the door. I threw my bag somewhere and let myself fall on the bed as all the feelings I have been suppressing for the whole day resurfaced.
Thoughts spun in my head and I didn't know what to think anymore so I just closed my eyes and blocked everything out.
Minutes, an hour, or I don't know how long have I been like that. When I opened my eyes again, I have made my mind already. I stood up in search of my sling bag, I found it just beside my bed. Picking it up, I snatched my phone out and powered it on.
There were lots of missed calls and texts from Caroline, Zhairo, and Gin. I took a deep breath and opened my inbox. I didn't mind Zhairo and Caroline's text message, I went on Gin's number and read his messages.
Upon reading his messages, I felt his worry and for an instance, it made me want to back out on what I have planned to do. But I cannot let this stupid feeling get on me again, so I proceed on typing a message.
"Thanks for worrying about me. I just lost my mood earlier and I have to be alone so I turned off my phone and think, hence, none of you could call me. Once again, thank you. And please, don't call or text me again. I have mistaken you to be someone you are not, and that someone was the man I love. It is not healthy if I continue talking to you just because you looked like him. I hope you understand. It was nice meeting you, Gin Montero."
I re-read the text message again and when I was satisfied, I hit the send button and after that, I deleted our conversation as well as his number.
This is it. I am going to move on. I won't hold on to his promise anymore. I'll go on with life without him.