Uncharted Bonds
Things had settled down in the plane but my mind refused to.
The edge of my fingers hovered over an open book in my lap, my eyes skimming the words without really absorbing them. I'd picked it to pass the time as we continued to head for Springville.
Control. That’s what I was supposed to be learning. But how could I even begin to grasp control when I wasn’t sure what was real?
"Oh, little one, things are about to change for you.“
The words still sang in my head, low, guttural, and amused. It was also familiar in a way that sent a shiver down my spine.
It sounded like my wolf. I'd heard her many times in my dreamscape but it was the first I'd heard her speak in my mind.
But that didn’t provide much of an information. Wolves didn’t just speak in their human mind. That wasn’t how it worked. There were special circumstances, sure like deeply bonded mates shifting, sacred rituals, and moments of absolute desperation. But this? This was something else entirely.
The sound of rustling made me glance up. Ethan leaned against the doorway with his arms crossed and eyes squinted softly and pointed at me. He had that look again, the one that meant he could tell something was off even when I hadn’t said a word.
He had perceived my mind, he could guess my thoughts.
“What’s running through your mind like that?” His voice was steady, but there was that edge to it, concern.
I'd expected his question. I hesitated, gripping the book a little tight under my hand. If I told him, would he see sense in it,? Would he tell me I was imagining it? That it was just a side effect of everything happening inside me?
No, too much was already going on. As much as I'd love them to understand, I don't want to keep coming off as a freak losing her mind.
Instead, I deflected. “Do you ever think it’s weird?” I asked, keeping my voice even and flat. “That you can feel my feelings, but I can’t feel yours?”
His brow lifted slightly as he stepped further into the room. “What do you mean?”
I closed the book and leaned back against the seat. “You always know when something’s wrong. You can sense what I’m feeling, but I don’t get anything from you. It’s like an open window only one of us can look out. One-way transparency.”
Ethan paused for a second, staring lightly before sitting on the armrest of the chair across from me. He could tell what I was doing but didn't persist. “You can,” he said simply. “You just don’t know how yet.”
I frowned, tapping the book in my hand impatiently with a finger. “Then why do you know how?”
He hummed seemingly thinking. “Because I’m more connected to you than you feel connected to me. It’s not something I had to think about, it just is.”
What did that mean? He's more connected to me in what way? By being the one who made the mark? By being the one who in a way consciously accepted we'll be bound together eternally?
That didn’t exactly make me feel better. My fingers traced the spine of the book as I glanced away. “This is frustrating,” I admitted quietly to myself. “Everyone else seems to know more about me than I do. Somehow I seem to be the last person figuring myself out.”
Ethan was quiet for a moment, then he leaned forward, his gaze locking onto mine. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”
I huffed a quiet laugh. “Feels like a bad thing in this situation. The box of surprises about myself are never-ending yet I've known myself the longest. Did my life so far mean anything given I'd known nothing then?.” I pondered out loud.
“It did,” he affirmed firmly. “You’re still young, Harlyn. You’re still discovering who you are. You can’t rush that.” His voice softened just slightly. “This is usually the part where you start to understand yourself and you just happen to have other things come up.”
I swallowed down the clog in my throat, the weight of his words settling on my chest. That was another way to look at it. I'm a teenager and I'll be turning 18 in two months.
For other teenagers, their identity crisis centers around acne, fleeting crushes, and college applications. For me it's clear skin, being possibly the first hybrid born between wolf and melbringer, and surprisingly enough, college applications as well.
My mind persisted in swirling with my lingering anxiety, but something in Ethan’s steady calm had made it easier to breathe.
I let my shoulders relax as I nodded slowly, taking in his words. Still young, he said. I was in fact too young and too far away from my parents.
The first thing on my agenda was to hug my mom and eat my dad's cooking for Christmas. Everything else would take a seat back and wait. I needed a bit of Normalcy.
Ethan hovered around for the rest of the plane ride, making small conversations, making sure I ate and I wasn't falling off into mind. I appreciated his company despite it triggering countless flurries in my chest.
When the plane finally landed, my nerves were at an all-time high and my heart was pounding carelessly against my chest.
“We'll all gather at our place. I'll send word to your parents to come over,” Ethan informed as he shot up.
“Alright.“ I was okay as long as I saw my parents.
The entire plan came to life and slowly we began climbing out. I was the last with Khalid to get off and as I did, I was washed with deja vu.
A couple of cars lined the area. They were not as impressive as the first landing in New York but it was surprising.
“Told you it was a tradition,” Khalid leaned In to whisper and I giggled with a roll of my eyes.