Breaking the Beast
“I'm not amused,” he stepped closer wearing his brows in knits.
I stepped back with short shuffled steps. The pressure from his presence was uncomfortable and heavy like a vase titling on an edge ready to crash and fall apart.
“And I really don't want to do this,” My insides churned. Not in the present conditions anyway. Shifting was something I had been wanting but I'd long accepted. It was something I couldn't do. Now the notion of shifting felt terrifying.
“You're nervous, just breathe,” he said, his voice softening just a fraction.
“Fine,” I huffed. It wouldn't work anyway. Best to show him instead.
I frowned but did as he said regardless. Inhaling deeply, I let the air reach the depths of my lungs before exhaling. My heartbeat was frantic and the pain in my arm flared randomly.
“Focus on the pain in your arm,” he slowly uttered, his words carrying a low gentle tone.
It was soothing but it wasn't doing much. With each breath, I sought out the pain in my arm and unfortunately for me, its response was to throb more intensely.
“Now listen,” Ethan continued, his voice steady and grounding. “Listen to the part of you that’s angry about your pain. That’s your nature wanting to be heard.“
I strained to hear something, feel anything, but all I felt was the ache in my body and the growing frustration in my chest. It was pointless.
“I can’t,” I said through gritted teeth, my eyes snapping open.
Ethan’s expression was unreadable. “You’re not taking this seriously,” he said simply.
“Of course, I’m not!” I snapped. “I’ve done this before. So many times and it's the same thing. I don’t need another exercise to tell me I can't shift!“
“You can,” he said, stepping closer. “And you will. Or you’ll die the next time another Melbringer decides it's poison they want in your veins and not snowflakes.”
His words struck like a blow, leaving me breathless. I could feel his expectations pressing on me and I didn't like it one bit. I curled my fists, nails digging into my palm. He wasn't listening to me!
“Try again,” he commanded, his voice quieter now but no less firm. “This time, don’t think through it. Just feel.”
I dragged my woundless hand through my hair, resisting the urge to scream. I was tired and every second so far I'd spent in the den had only managed to rile me up.
Ethan stood there, a statue of authority and impatience, his dark eyes boring into me. “Try again,” he ordered once he realized I wasn't moving. I didn't plan to.
“No.” The word slipped from my mouth before I could think better of it. It hung in the air, heavy and defiant.
Ethan blinked, his expression hardening. “No?”
I clenched my fists tighter, the dull ache in my arm a cruel reminder of how I’d ended up here. “I’m tired, Ethan. As appetizing as the idea of healing feels, I don't have any energy in me to attempt shifting for the hundredth time.“ The words left my mouth faster than I could process them. All I knew was that I was tired and the more I talked, the lighter I felt.
“To be clear, I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t ask for sorceresses, Melbringers that want me dead like you keep telling me. I didn't ask to leave Springville, I didn't ask to be attacked, I didn't ask to be whatever they think I am! But guess what? They're here anyway and I accept it but I can't push myself past my limit especially not right now so, no!” my pitch rose and my breath came in sharp bursts at the end of my sentence.
His jaw tightened, and for a moment I caught a flicker of yellow in his eyes. His presence seemed to double in intensity as he stared me down. “You’re being reckless.“ He stepped forward with a hiss.
I held my ground staring him in the eye holding my breath. His tone was surprisingly monotonous but I could feel his patience waning. “If you don’t fight, you’ll die. Is that what you want?”
I took a step forward, my pulse pounding in my ears. “I don't want to die! You just assume your ways are better in effect of preventing that. I've been doing everything you have requested of me, even when it makes no sense. Worse of all, I still have no answers as to why!“
Ethan’s lips pressed into a thin line, his silence infuriating.
“Why do the Melbringers want me?” I demanded, my voice rising. “Why? Maybe I’d feel the urgency to push myself if I actually knew what they wanted.”
His expression didn’t change, but I saw the faint tick of his jaw. “It doesn’t matter why they want you,” he challenged, his voice clipped. “What matters is that they do, and you need to be ready.”
“Ethan, I —” I started but was interrupted when Khalid approached towards us.
Ethan swiftly faced him, bellowing. “Stand down!“
Khalid fell to his knees immediately with a loud grunt and I flinched back. Authority. He used his authority. He was just another unreasonable egotistical Alpha who wanted blind compliance without protests.
My breath hitched, my heart hammered against my chest and for the very first time in a while, I felt something inside me snap like a brittle twig. “You’re unbelievable!” I shouted, the room seeming to close in around me.
My fingers twitched, that strange itching sensation creeping up my palms again like before. “You want me to follow your orders—over and over—but you can’t even give me the courtesy of an answer?“
He exhaled deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was suddenly maddeningly calm but that only seemed to aggravate me further. Now I was the unreasonable one throwing a fit! I hated it, I hate him!
His silence felt like a wall I couldn’t scale. My nails dug into my palms, and my breath came fast and uneven. I didn’t know if it was the pain in my arm, the exhaustion, or the sheer frustration of feeling so powerless, but something inside me cracked.