Chaos, Charm, and Questions Unanswered 2.
The question caught me off guard. I hadn't really thought about it. A hum buzzed in my throat before I replied. “I'm not sure,” I admitted with a shrug. “Eat pizza? Stare at tall buildings? What do people do in New York?”
“Depends on who you ask,” he tilted his head as he talked. “Some people chase dreams. Other just try to survive.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And what do you do?”
He tilted his head pretending to think. “Survive, mostly. But I do it with style.”
I couldn’t help the laugh I let out following his response, though the humor didn’t fully mask my unease. “Seriously, though. What’s the plan here? Am I just supposed to sit around while you all… do whatever it is you do?”
Khalid’s grin faltered for a moment. I tried not to guard up from the sudden change but then he quickly recovered. “We’ll figure it out as we go.”
I stepped closer to him, narrowing my eyes to show my displeasure at his response. “Be honest with me, Khalid. What am I supposed to do here? Why am I here at all?”
He hesitated, his usual playful demeanor flickering like a faulty light. “It’s complicated,” he finally admitted, avoiding my gaze altogether.
“That’s not an answer,” I pressed, feeling my frustration slowly rising in my chest once more.
He rubbed the back of his neck, seemingly uncomfortable but I couldn't care. I wanted to know more. “Look, Harlyn, It's not in my place to share. I can’t just—”
“Can’t or won’t?” I interrupted, crossing my arms.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Both.”
My mouth let out a groan and my fingers itched with the need to do something, anything. I needed to make sense of my life and what it was becoming.
“You don’t seem to get it. I’m stuck in the middle of something I know little to nothing about and worse the people around either treat me like I’m some burden or a fragile secret. I want to know!” I ranted.
Khalid opened his mouth, but I couldn't stop there. “This would be so much easier if someone would just tell me what’s going on. I can't stand playing the guessing game.“
He shut his lips, his jaw tightening as he looked at me. For a moment, I thought he might actually say something. Instead, he stepped back toward the door. “Get some rest, Harlyn,” he said, his tone softer now but no less evasive.
And with that, he was gone, with a gentle click behind him.
I stared at the closed door in disbelief and scoffed. If they weren’t going to tell me the truth, I’d just have to figure it out myself. I gritted my teeth.
“Ow!“ My fingers stung and I winced at the sharp pain itching the tips. Holding my right hand to my view, I realized my fingers were boiling red like something was trying to rage out of them.
Another thing! My heartbeat faltered as I slowly panicked. Couldn't I catch a break for once?
They continued reddening and my stress levels continued to skyrocket. I looked around the room for the bathroom door. Rushing toward it, I reached to pull it open with my left hand.
My fingers were equally as red on my left. It felt like some energy was trying to rapidly spill out of my pores.
Tears slowly began running down my cheeks as I held my hand unsure of what to do.
“Etha—” I paused. No. I didn't want to draw more attention to myself. For all I knew, it could be dangerous and I could hurt someone.
I fell to my knees, overwhelmed by my helplessness. My skin burned harsher and the pain intensified. The air smelt of burning skin.
“Please stop,” I silently pleaded, shaking my hands hoping to lighten the pain.
The pain surged through my hands like wildfire, every nerve ablaze. My breath came in sharp, uneven bursts as I clenched my teeth, fighting the scream that clawed its way up my throat.
What was happening to me? Why couldn’t I control it? Was this what she was talking about in my dream? I wasn't sure how to feel. Was I terrified or furious? The uncertainty gnawed at me like a slow poison.
My chest tightened with the weight of my helplessness, and tears streamed down my face, each one burning against my flushed skin. I was unraveling, and I couldn't bring myself to ask for help.
I curled into myself, cradling my hands as if that would stop the searing heat. "You have to stop," I whispered through gritted teeth.
My shoulders heaved as I forced deep breaths into my lungs, desperate for control, for relief. "Please stop hurting!“
The agony declined ever so slightly, as though my body was listening, albeit begrudgingly. My fingers still throbbed, and it kept its reddened hue.
I collapsed against the cool floorboards. My body had given in to the exhaustion from the panic.
Lying there, staring up at the ceiling, I realized I’d have to face all of this alone. As much as everyone was offering to help, if half the things I've been hearing are true, I could hurt someone, badly.
Whatever this was, whatever I was, it was mine to figure out. The thought settled along with my fatigue.
“I'm so tired,” My eyes fluttered shut as I slipped into a restless, uneasy sleep on the floor.