Chapter 3: Shattered heart
Meredith's POV
I take another swig from the bottle, the bitter burn barely enough to distract me from the echo of her words. "This is your doing right?" She threw her phone at me, I was fast enough to catch it, clenching my jaw, I didn't need to read it, because I know what was in that message, I have manipulated the HR department to send her to another branch of the company, I didn't want to see her, I want to cut all ties with her, I could still see the rage in her eyes, betrayal in her voice. "I hate you with everything within me..." Her words cut deeper than any wound, this isn't the first time she is showing that she hates me but she never voices it out, even if she did, I have never heard it from her, all I heard was Punk... Brute... Stupid wolf... Insolent beta... Asshole and the rest of them, not this word, not "hate," I let out a bitter laugh, the sound hollow. "You hate me?” I whispered to no one. "Good... Makes two of us." But the truth was, I hated myself more for letting her go but I had to. I didn't want her to choose me because I did something for her, something that she doesn't know would hurt. "Go on, get out, you have stated your point and I don't want to see you again, your disgusting annoying face irritates me and it makes me want to puke every time I see you." Her last words echoed in my head as I shattered the bottle on the floor. The hard sound of a shattering bottle echoed in the room, its contents spread like a bitter stain, and the stench of alcohol stung in the air
"Does it make you feel better?" Austin asked.
"I wasn't trying to feel better." I snapped at him wiping my lips.
"I don't think so, you are feeling mad after the whole damn thing you wanted is happening according to your plans?" I grabbed another bottle gulping on it when Austin's voice came up again.
"Are you out of your damn mind?" He snapped, pushing himself up from the wall he was leaning lazily on and walking towards me. “You should stop already."
He grabbed the bottle from me, "Give it back..." I snapped, ready to get my liquor back but I couldn't, as he tossed it from one hand to another. I gave up the attempt to take it back while I stood motionless, chest heaving, my fists clenched at my sides. My eyes were bloodshot, not just from the liquor but from the storm of emotion I had tried to drown all day.
“He’s not mad,” Riley muttered sarcastically, “he’s just trying to set a world record for how fast a grown man can destroy himself.”
I didn’t respond, I have too much on my head, I didn't want to add this annoying Riley to my list of problems. "What are you trying to prove? That you are a brave beta and a great mate? Nah...I pity the fucking you, you have turned into." My jaw ticked as I stared down at the scattered pieces of glass like they were the remains of something much more sacred than a cheap bottle of whiskey. Riley's words hold no meaning to me.
"Riley stop that, No one asks for your opinion on..."
"Of course, everyone did, the moment this fuck boy, took a title that wasn't his in the first place," my brows furrowed not understanding what this idiot was saying.
"Riley, stay out of this..." Austin snapped at him before his eyes tilted to me. “You forced her to reject you, Meredith,” he continued, invading my space as he placed the bottle on the table. “You made her say the words. And now what? You’re here smashing bottles like a toddler throwing a tantrum?”
“Shut the fuck up,” I growled lowly.
“No, I won’t,” he growled as well. “You don’t get to act like the victim when you’re the one who caused the mess. What the fuck is wrong with you and Logan?”
“I did it for her!” I barked, my voice finally cracking. “I wanted her to hate me. I needed her to hate me more than she already did. If she hated me, she wouldn't care. She’d move on. She’d be safe. I don't want anyone staying beside me because she thinks I did something trivial for her.”
"Trivial? Did you just call giving your life for someone..."
"Enough Austin..." I growl at him, "I didn't give anything, I am here now, I still have life..."
"But you lose..."
"Don't you get it? I said stop." I growled at him, and Austin threw his hands up.
“Fine, did it work? Huh? Did breaking her spirit and yours in the process make you feel whole again? Did pushing her away finally fix whatever the hell you’re running from? Did it change the fact that you lose the other part of you because..”
"Austin..." I growl hitting the stool in front of me, I didn't tell anyone what happened in that room, but somehow Austin found out, part of the things that happened, not the whole truth and I am not ready to share with anyone not while this maniac is here.
"Meredith... You and I know you wanted..."
My lips trembled, my body tense with the weight of all I refused to say. “She doesn’t need me,” I said hoarsely, eyes dark and distant. “I’m no good for her. You all know that. She didn't even feel the bond or the broken bond, no need to keep her when she doesn't acknowledge the fact that I am her mate.”
“Is that all you are afraid of?" I wanted to yell at him no, I was scared that I couldn't protect her, I am a mess, cursed, angry, and not good enough for her but I chose to stay quiet. “I know she would have chosen you, Mate bond or not, she would have stayed, if you had for once tried to show her a little care. You break her heart every time you come close to her.”
“I had to!” I shouted, pacing like a caged animal. “Every time I looked at her in that hospital bed for the past three days, I saw everything I could never give her. Peace. Safety. A future. So I did the only thing I could do, I made her walk away. I made her hate me so she wouldn’t look back, so she could be with Roe, the one she called gladiator, the one she feels could protect her, and the one her heart longs for, just that one that she wanted to see her flawless.”
Austin looked at me with pity, he felt my pain and his voice softened this time, “But you looked back, didn’t you?”
I stopped pacing, my eyes glassy. “Every damn second, I wish I could hear her say, even though I don't feel the bond, I love you and I want you.”
"You see..." I let out an emotionless laugh.
"Stop being delusional Austin, I just told you what you wanted to hear, I feel. Nothing for her and I am not going back and I don't think I stopped for a second to look back after she threw me out."
There was silence...
“You’re not mad at her,” Austin finally said. The man wouldn't give up, I wanted him to stop talking maybe, this was the same way Logan felt every time I talked to him about Akira, “You’re mad at yourself. And smashing bottles and breaking your own heart isn’t going to make that go away.”
I laughed bitterly, wiping my hand across my mouth. “I thought if she hated me, it’d be easier. I thought maybe I’d feel better, less tethered. But instead, it’s like something inside me has been ripped out." I wanted to say that to Austin, I know he will understand but I couldn't
"Even if you don't tell me what you want, we can fix it. Go to her. Talk to her. Say the words you should’ve said before all this.”
"I don't want to go to her, I don't want to, it's better this way..." I turned to leave when Riley's voice came up.
"Can I have her?"