CHAPTER 7: CONTROL YOURSELF
ASHER'S POV
I'm losing it.
Seriously. I don't say that lightly. But right now? I'm sitting at the edge of my damn bed, staring at the wall like it's gonna give me answers, and all I can think about is him.
Hunter.
No. Not a him. I think… damn it!
What the hell are you?
It's like my body knows something my brain refuses to deal with. My wolf won't shut up about it either. He's been pacing inside me, scratching at the edges of my mind like he's trapped. Like I'm the one keeping him from what he wants.
And what he wants?
Hunter.
Every time that kid walks past me, hell, even when he breathes near me, it's like this heat climbs up my spine and messes with every logical thought I've ever had. My wolf reacts so fast, that I barely have time to push him down. The worst part? Hunter's not even doing anything. He's just… existing.
Existing, and wrecking me.
I've been dodging him all day. Every single damn day since we got assigned to the same room. I don't talk to him unless I absolutely have to. I don't look at him unless I slip. I don't even breathe too close because I swear I caught something off that one time he brushed against me and my skin lit up like a firecracker. Not normal. Not safe. Not okay.
I've even started doubling my scent blockers.
They're not working.
I still smell something. Something faint. Something underneath the layers of his dominant scent. Magic. I can't prove it yet, but the magic on him stinks. Just barely noticeable if you're not looking, but I've spent enough time on rogue patrols to know the difference between someone who's hiding a scent and someone who just stinks.
He's hiding something.
But what?
And why the hell does my wolf care so much?
"Get it together," I mutter to myself. I lean forward, rub my face hard with both hands and then look up at my reflection in the cracked mirror over my dresser. I look like shit. No sleep. Eyes bloodshot. Jaw clenched like I've been chewing on bricks all night. I reach for the water bottle on the table. It's empty. Of course, it is.
I shove off the bed and head out, just to breathe. I pass by the other recruits in the hallway without saying a word. One of them nods. I ignore it. I can't handle people right now. Can't stand the sound of their footsteps, their breathing, their damn normalcy. Everyone's just existing like everything's fine.
I head to the training field, hoping maybe some physical exertion will help. My shirt sticks to my back. I haven't showered since yesterday. Don't care. Not now.
But the second I step onto the field, I freeze.
That scent.
It's light. Barely there. But I swear on the moon, it's there. Female.
Not Hunter. Not male. Not potion.
A she-wolf. One I don't recognize but also do.
See, I am going crazy.
My wolf growls so loud in my chest that I swear it echoes. I spin around like a maniac, scanning the field, sniffing the air again like some desperate creep. No one's here. No one but me. And yet, it's there. Right, where Hunter was standing earlier during drills.
My whole body seizes up.
I take two steps back. Then five. Then I run.
I don't even know where I'm going until my boots are slamming into cold dirt and I'm halfway into the woods behind the barracks. Trees blur past me. The air stings my cheeks. And then—
I throw myself straight into the creek.
It's freezing.
Sharp, biting, enough to make my lungs ache. I stay under for longer than I should. Come up gasping, eyes wide, heart racing. My shirt's soaked. Jeans too. But I don't care.
I needed to feel something other than this heat in my bones. This pulls in my gut. This confusion.
I stumble out of the water and flop onto the muddy bank, drenched and shaking. I lay there, staring at the sky, breathing heavily.
"This isn't a crush," I whisper.
My wolf is silent now. But not gone. Just… watching. Waiting. "If you say so," he finally says.
"No," I snap, sitting up. "You don't know that."
You felt it.
I shove my fingers through my wet hair and groan. "No. No. He.. he's a guy. He has to be. He—"
Then why did your instincts scream when he got too close? Why did you flinch when he walked in last night?
My heart drops.
Yeah. That.
I pretended I was asleep, but I wasn't. I felt him sneak in. I felt the hesitation in his steps. Like he was scared of me. Or maybe scared of getting caught.
Caught doing what?
I don't know.
But the scent was different. Just for a second. Barely there, like something slipped. Something real.
And now it's eating me alive.
I don't sleep anymore. I can't. I just lay there, eyes open, listening to every shift of the mattress across the room. Every breath he takes. Every damn time he moves too close and I have to grip the sheets to stop myself from going over there and what? Sniffing him? Yelling at him? Kissing him?
No.
Hell no.
I dig my nails into my palm until I feel skin break. Blood bubbles up in little dots. Good. Pain helps.
I hear footsteps. Crap. Someone's close. I duck down lower in the grass, hiding near the creek's edge.
It's him.
Hunter.
He's… sneaking.
Again.
He's supposed to be in bed, but he's tiptoeing across the edge of the field, eyes flicking left and right like he's making sure no one sees him.
He's not just sneaky.
He's up to something.
I watch him disappear into the woods. My heart hammers.
Alright.
Enough of this.
Tomorrow, I'm going to confront him.