Chapter 4: His pain
Asher’s POV
I stormed out of the room, my breath ragged, my body burning with a heat that had nothing to do with anger. I slammed the door shut behind me, my fists clenched so tightly that my knuckles turned white.
I had almost lost control. Almost.
I was never supposed to want her. Lena was supposed to be just another piece of chess in my game, a pawn to strengthen my rule. And yet, the moment I felt her soft body tremble under my hands, the way she had melted into my touch despite her fear, I had almost given in.
The bond was suffocating me, tightening around my throat like a leash.
What I felt with her was what I had never felt with anyone else. My hands trembled slightly, and that infuriated me more than anything.
With a sharp growl, I strode out into the training grounds, where a few pack warriors were sparring. Their movements stopped the moment they saw me, their gazes lowering in submission.
“Attack me,” I ordered coldly, but one of them moved.
My patience was already thin. I lunged first, grabbing the closest warrior and throwing him to the ground with a sickening crack. The rest followed suit, and soon I was in the middle of a blur of fists, claws, and snarling wolves.
But it wasn’t enough. It never was.
No matter how many bodies I threw to the ground, no matter how many bones he broke, the bond remained unshaken. Lena was still in my head. I craved her touch, her lips on mine, her body, and surprisingly her blood.
I have never craved anyone's blood but Lena made me feel what I had never felt before.
I stood over the pile of unconscious warriors, my chest heaving. My mind drifted, unwillingly, to the past, back to the night that had changed everything.
Lena’s brother, Nathaniel.
I never wanted to kill him.
But Nathaniel had been poisoned, driven into a madness that turned him into a monster. He had murdered dozens, their bodies left in pieces. No one could stop him. So the shadow moon pack called for me and when I found him that night, I saw his bloodshot eyes, there was no saving him.
With one swift move, I had ended his life.
I knew Lena was there. She had seen everything, the way I drove his claws through her brother’s chest, the way Nathaniel had choked on his own blood before falling lifelessly to the ground.
I had felt the rage, the grief, the horror.
I had never forgotten the way she looked at me later in the morning. Like I was a monster, maybe she was right because the truth was, I hadn't hesitated. I hadn’t even flinched. I had killed Nathaniel as easily as breathing.
Emotions were a weakness. That was what my father taught me.
The late Alpha of the Blackwood Pack had been a ruthless, merciless man. A man who never once looked at his son with anything but disappointment.
I had learned to never cry. Never beg. Never feel because feelings made you weak, and weakness was punished.
And when my father was murdered by rogues, the entire world assumed I was the one who had killed him. Of course anyone who saw a little boy sitting on his knees with blood on his body will think the same.
They called me a traitor. A monster. A ruthless beast who had slain his own blood for power. It was funny when the pack was in trouble came to me crawling.
I could have defended myself.
I could have told them the truth.
But I didn’t, maybe because i didn’t care.
I had spent my entire life proving my self to a man who was already dead.
What did it matter if the world saw me as a murderer? What did it matter if Lena saw me that way too?
She had seen me differently, once.
When we were just kids, before the war, before the bloodshed.
I remembered the first time I met Lena.
Six years ago
My father had taken me to her pack for a meeting with her father. Back then I was nothing more than a shadow behind my father’s back, silently listening, never speaking unless spoken to.
I was tense, uncomfortable, because my father’s presence was suffocating.
And then Lena had walked in.
A small, quiet girl, barely older than me.
She didn't look at me like others I saw it in her eyes… They were warm. Soft.
It was the first time someone had looked at me without fear.
She had sat next to me and offered me a piece of bread, her tiny hands pushing it toward me with a hesitant smile.
“Here. You look hungry.”
I was too stunned to respond. No one had ever cared if I was hungry before, not even me.
My father scoffed at the gesture.
“She’s weak,” he had muttered under his breath. But I smiled and took the bread anyway… that was the moment I fell for her.
But to reality
It was a ridiculous thing… love. It had no place in my world. But I always wanted to to protect her even before everything turned dark and I still could.
A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts.
“Asher,” a voice said. It was one of the elders. “I need to speak with you.”
I exhaled sharply, running a hand through my hair before opening the door.
The elder stepped in, his sharp eyes narrowing as they took in my tense posture.
“You’re losing control,” the elder stated.
My jaw clenched. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The elder shook his head. “This isn’t like before. You didn’t care about the others, but Lena is different. You need to decide, are you going to let her be your weakness?”
Weakness.
The word replayed in my mind.
That’s what Lena was turning into. A weakness. Some sort of distraction?
I wanted to believe that but yet, when I heard footsteps outside my door, when i caught the faintest hint of her scent, my body reacted before my mind did.
I stepped outside just in time to catch her.
She was trying to run again.
She hadn’t made it far. Just outside the building, her body was already failing her.
She was shaking, struggling against something unseen. I knew exactly what it was… The bond was punishing her.
Some werewolves could be miles apart from their mates without consequences. But others? Others couldn’t even take a few steps without feeling their soul being ripped apart.
Lena was one of them. We were part of the other we couldn't be apart. This was probably the goddess laughing at me.
Her body had betrayed her before she could even reach the gates.
And as she collapsed, just before she hit the ground, I was was beside her, my arms caught her before she could fall.
Her eyes fluttered open, unfocused and full of pain, and for the first time in my life, I felt fear. Fear of losing her.
Fear of what she was doing to me.
Before I could stop myself, my lips crashed against hers.
It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t soft. It was desperate.
She melted into me, her fingers curling into my shirt, and I felt something break inside me.
I carried her back into the room, never once breaking the kiss.And just as I was about to pull her top over her head, i stopped.
Something inside me snapped back into place, reminding me who I was. This was me I could hurt her… what if she sees the demon in me and doesn't want to stay?
With a sharp breath, I pulled away.
I stood, fists clenching, and without a word, I walked out.
Leaving her behind. Leaving behind the only person who had ever truly seen me.
I knew she was never going to accept me she only craved me because of the bond.