Chapter 17
Chapter 17
I give Dex a hard look when Bruce and Claire leave the room. He opens his mouth, probably to fire the next question from his barrage at me, but I cut him off. "Spit it out. What's with those weird looks?" I ask bluntly. Maybe not the smartest idea to talk to an Alpha like that, but I have to know. If I don't ask right away, I might lose the courage to ask. He seems taken aback by my question.
I swallow my nerves, suddenly afraid that I've imagined it after all. He seems to think about his words, and for a moment, I consider leaving it at that. Then he leans over his desk with a sigh, and when I look into his eyes, I can see his uncertainty.
My mind is racing. So I didn't imagine it, but what does it mean? Why is he suddenly nervous and uncertain? He's an Alpha for god's sake.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable," he finally says. "That wasn't my intention. To be honest, this is new to me too." I look at him confused.
What the hell is he talking about? A mist comes over his eyes.
It's rather rude to mind link while we're talking. I clear my throat, and he gives me an apologetic look. "I told Bruce to take Claire to the playroom..." he says.
"Okay?" I reply, not quite understanding what that has to do with our situation, whatever that may be.
"So... The looks?" I press, determined to find out what his behavior means. He doesn't answer, and from the look on his face, I'm guessing he is talking to his wolf. I roll my eyes in irritation.
"Didn't anyone teach you that it's rude to engage in conversation with your wolf when you're actually talking to someone else?" I ask, slightly irritated. I hide the shock I get from my own words. I have no idea where my attitude comes from, I just chalk it up to his evasiveness. He chuckles at my comment.
"You're right. Unfortunately, this matter requires the opinion of Drake, my wolf." He responds, pointing between the two of us.
"And were you planning on telling me what this so-called matter is exactly?" I ask, and he chuckles again. "I must admit, I didn't expect this. Such smart-alecky remarks." His playful smile gives me butterflies in my stomach. We stare at each other for a few seconds, and I try with all my might to come up with a comeback, but my brain remains blank. With nothing to say, I give him a challenging look, waiting for him to explain.
"I assume Bruce or Lucy told you about my search for my fated mate?" He says, apparently having had enough of our staring contest. His question surprises me. "Yeah, sort of," I answer, curious as to where he's going with this.
"Then you also know that that search led nowhere." I nod in agreement. "Lucy would think differently." I remark, he smiles briefly. "Yeah, well. You know how the mate bond feels; if Lucy and I were really meant for each other, then we would have known. The mate bond is something special, as you have experienced yourself. I care about Lucy very much. But she is not my fated mate." He continues.
"Yeah, the bond between mates is special indeed," I confirm. "Do you still have hope that you will meet her?" I ask curiously. He remains silent, for a moment I think he is not going to answer, and I want to apologize for my curiosity. Then he looks at me and says in a soft voice, "I have already found her."
I look at him in surprise. "Isn't that great?" I ask enthusiastically, but then my thoughts immediately go to Lucy. "Have you told Lucy yet?" My voice sounds sad. Sad for Lucy, she will be heartbroken.
"No, not yet." He answers, looking away. "Not until I'm sure what I want to do." He adds cautiously. "What do you mean?" I ask, confused. "Aren't you glad you found her? Isn't that what every wolf wants, their fated mate?" I ask.
He remains silent, he doesn't seem sure what to answer. "Yeah, normally." He says, looking at me. I feel a little uncomfortable, and the thought occurs to me that it might have something to do with me. I quickly dismiss those thoughts, I was mated to Brent. Surely their goddess wouldn't pair me with one of them again.
"So what's different now?" I finally ask, too curious not to ask further. He stands up and sits down on the corner of the desk in front of me. "Because..." He continues, looking at me intently. "I have to think about my pack." I nod in understanding. "And because she's human..." My mouth falls open in surprise, and I laugh nervously.
He doesn't mean I'm his mate, does he? But then I think back to when I first met Brent. When I didn't know what he was yet. The looks he sometimes gave me when I was talking to a friend, or how he would sometimes stare at me. Shocked, I put a hand over my mouth. Only then do the words he said sink in. He doesn't know what to do with it. I look away to hide the welling tears. I try to comprehend what this means, for me, for Claire. My thoughts immediately go to Bruce and Lucy.
"Lilly?" I hear Dex say cautiously, probably afraid of my reaction.
"I..." I say, but I don't continue, I don't know what to say. I don't know how to feel about this. Does he assume I'm happy about it? Because if I'm honest, that's not my first reaction. "Can you please say something?" He says softly, reaching for my hand, but seems to reconsider as he lets his hand hang in the air hesitantly.
"What does this mean?" I whisper, meanwhile thinking about my own opinion about this news.
I wonder why the thought of him rejecting me hurts, when I myself am not sure if I can be a wolf's mate again.
"Honestly, I don't know." He says, and I try to hide the pain. Apparently not well enough, because he takes my hand. Then I feel the slight tingling that I recognize from Brent. I hadn't noticed them before.
"If the situation had been different, I would have dropped everything to be with you." His words don't help, but feel more like a punch in the gut. "It's not just that you're a human. But I didn't imagine that my mate would already have a child with someone else, let alone that I, as an Alpha, would be your second change." He explains.
His words make me angry. It shouldn't matter that I've been mated before. At least, that's what Brent told me. Not many wolves get a second chance, so when they do, they are incredibly grateful for it. He should be honored that the moon goddess chose me twice.
I think he senses my anger, because he quickly lets go of my hand. "I didn't mean it in a bad way." He apologizes.
"It's just, I can't just think of myself. I have to think of the interests of the pack. How it might come across to the other Alphas." I push my chair back, suddenly feeling the need for distance. "Good to hear it's not my fault," I say sarcastically.
"That's not what I'm saying, like I said, it's everything. I don't want to start another war." He tries to defend himself.
"With Brent, it didn't lead to a war either." I retort. I stand up and walk to the door, he doesn't stop me.
Before I open the door, I turn around. "Let me know when you're ready to reject me." I say with tears in my eyes, from anger and sadness.
Before I can open the door enough to walk away, he is standing next to me and slams the door shut. His eyes are black, his wolf is clearly in control. He pushes my back against the door.
"We will never hurt you like that." He says, more like a growl. "Don't think this is easy for us, it hurts us too." He takes a step back, and I see his eyes change back to their original brown color.
He clears his throat. "I'm sorry." I nod, not knowing what to say. I quickly make my way away. Not because he scared me, but because I need time, to sort out my own feelings and thoughts.
A few seconds later, my phone rings, it's Bruce. Dex must have let him know I'm gone. I quickly decide it's best if I don't say anything to anyone. At least for now.