Chapter 9 A Prayer to the Moon Goddess
Lya's POV
The drive to the packhouse was silent, neither my father nor I attempting to break the heavy quiet that had settled between us. When we finally arrived, he parked the SUV with practiced precision and turned off the engine. Without a word, he exited the vehicle and walked straight to his office, leaving me standing alone in the driveway.
I watched his retreating form, noting how his shoulders seemed to carry the weight of the world. Two years hadn't lessened his grief; if anything, it seemed to have calcified around him like armor.
He's in so much pain, Kate whispered in my mind.
I know, I replied silently, feeling my chest tighten.
I made my way cautiously toward the Beta residence, my footsteps deliberately light as I entered. The house was quiet, with only the faint ticking of the grandfather clock in the hallway disturbing the silence. I paused at the bottom of the stairs, listening carefully for any sign of Victoria. The last thing I wanted was a confrontation with my mother tonight.
Relief washed over me when I detected her steady breathing from the master bedroom. She was already asleep. I crept up the stairs, avoiding the third step that always creaked, and slipped into my old bedroom.
Everything was exactly as I'd left it—sparse, impersonal, like a guest room that happened to hold a few of my belongings. I sat on the edge of the bed, suddenly feeling exhausted yet knowing sleep would likely elude me.
Hours later, I was still wide awake, staring at the ceiling as moonlight filtered through the thin curtains. My father's expression at the border checkpoint kept replaying in my mind—that moment when tears had gathered in his eyes as he looked at Airina's portrait.
You should try to sleep, Kate urged gently. Tomorrow will be difficult.
I rolled onto my side, pulling the blanket tighter around me. "I can't stop thinking about him," I whispered aloud.
My wolf had been unusually restless all night, pacing anxiously within me. As the digital clock on my nightstand clicked over to midnight, Kate briefly paused her pacing.
Happy birthday, Lya, she said softly, before resuming her agitated movements.
"Thanks," I murmured, though there was nothing happy about turning twenty in a place where I was neither wanted nor welcomed.
I closed my eyes, trying to force sleep, but my thoughts kept circling back to my father. It hurt to see him in pain. I wanted to help him, to ease his suffering somehow, but I didn't know how. I wasn't Airina. I would never be Airina.
That was the crux of it all, wasn't it? To Victoria, I was a punching bag. To the rest of the pack, I was a convenient scapegoat. But to my father, I was... nothing. He didn't actively participate in my abuse, but he didn't stop it either. He simply looked through me, as if I were invisible.
In some ways, that made him the least cruel of my tormentors, but also the one whose indifference cut the deepest. How could you hate someone who didn't even acknowledge your existence enough to despise you?
I'd always been a daddy's girl, even when he stopped being my daddy. Before Airina died, he'd been my hero, my strength, my rock. I remembered how he used to swing me up onto his shoulders when I was little, how his rare smiles would light up his entire face, how his approval had been the thing I craved most in the world.
Those memories were what I clung to during the worst moments—the reason I couldn't bring myself to hate him even when his neglect allowed others to hurt me. I chose to remember the good times to keep my sanity, to remind myself that once, I had been loved.
By 5:30 AM, I'd given up on sleep entirely. The first memorial event for Airina wasn't scheduled until 11 AM, which gave me several hours to myself—hours I desperately wanted to spend away from Victoria, who would undoubtedly be awake soon, preparing for the day's activities.
I showered quickly, threw on a pair of jeans and a simple black t-shirt, and packed a small backpack with a few essentials. Within fifteen minutes, I was slipping out the back door of the Beta residence, breathing in the crisp morning air with relief.
My feet carried me through the familiar paths of Moon Shadow territory, instinctively following a route I knew by heart. It wasn't surprising when I found myself standing at the edge of Crystal Falls, the place where I'd experienced my first shift two years ago.
Since Airina's death, I'd come here at least twice a year—on her birthday and on the anniversary of her death. There was something about this place that brought me a strange sense of peace. No one else ever came here; it was too far from the main packhouse and held no significance for anyone but me.
I found a flat boulder near the edge of the falls and sat down, listening to the soothing rush of water. From my backpack, I pulled out a notepad and pen.
"Time for my ritual," I whispered to myself, feeling Kate's presence settle into watchful silence within me.
About seven years ago, I'd started writing down my prayers to the Moon Goddess instead of just thinking them. I wasn't sure if she could hear my thoughts, especially the thoughts of a half-breed like me. So writing them down made me feel better, more certain that my words might reach her.
My ritual was simple: write the prayer, seal it, kiss the paper, and burn it while making a silent wish. It was probably silly, but it gave me comfort when little else did.
I wiped away the tears that had begun to fall without my noticing and started to write.
Dear Moon Goddess,
It's been two years since Airina died. Damian and most of the pack still blame me. I've been a coward, running away from the truth of that night, but I'm ready to face it now.
I shouldn't have prayed for you to stop Airina from hurting me anymore. I understand that now. If I had known my prayer would lead to her death, I never would have asked for it. Please tell her I'm sorry.
I accept the suffering I've endured as punishment, but my father shouldn't have to bear this pain. I can't stand watching him break a little more each day as he grieves for her. He doesn't deserve this.
Airina was loved. Airina was valued. She mattered to everyone, especially my father and Victoria.
If there's any way to turn back time, I beg you to ignore my prayer that day... or at least take me instead of her. But if time can't be reversed, please accept my apology and bring peace to the pack—especially to my father and family. Maybe even help Damian find a new mate.
It's time for the pack to move forward... even if that means without me.
I promise that if you grant this request, I'll try to be the best half-breed I can be. I'll follow whatever unique destiny Kate says lies ahead of us.
But please, don't let anyone else suffer because of me anymore.
Love,
Lya