Chapter 210

Helen’s POV

“I’m not worried about the Huntsman coming back,” I admitted, guilt beating at my chest. I” keep having dreams about having sex with him.”

My voice had dropped to a whisper, and shame filled me to the core of my being.

“Like he’s raping you?” Justin growled.

“Worse,” I admitted. I felt sick to my stomach.

“I feel horrible about the nightmares,” I said. “Because in the dreams, I like having sex with the Huntsman. I want him to fuck me. It’s like when I was under the spell, Martin cast over me. Somehow I feel like the spell is still there in my sleep, and I don’t want those feelings.”

“I want the images of us in bed together to go away. Every time I wake up, I feel like I’m going to vomit. Can you understand why I didn’t really want to admit that to you?”

“Justin, the last thing I want you to think is that I desire the Huntsman in any way. He abused me. He locked me up, and he raped me. He put me under a spell and took advantage of everything I had. I just . . . I don’t want to feel this anymore.”

I hung my head, tears dripping down my cheeks, hitting my hands and his on top of mine. He squeezed my hand.

“It hurts to hear you say that,” he admitted. “I think when it comes to our feelings, we need to be brutally honest with one another. Otherwise, we’re going to build up the sort of resentment that caused problems before.”

“So I’m not going to tell you that it’s okay and that it doesn’t hurt to hear you’re dreaming of the Huntsman and desiring him. It does. It makes me feel horrible that you would even, in your dreams, want to be with the Huntsman in any way. I wonder if that’s something leftover from the spell.”

I nodded. “I keep thinking that, too. But it’s weird because the dreams seemed to focus on him . . .” I shuddered.

“Go on. Admit whatever it is,” he said. “Remember what I just told you about honesty?”

“All right,” I agreed. “The brutally honest truth is that I want his come. I don’t feel like I love him in the dreams. I don’t feel like I’m necessarily enjoying the sex part. But when it comes to the dream, I’m always excited and working towards him climaxing inside me.”

“Hmm.” Justin had a scowl on his face. “You’re right. That is a brutally honest truth. What do you suppose it means?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

“Well, it’s good to know that you’re not looking forward to the sex part of it. So clearly, it’s not that you’re still in love with him. In fact, the anticipation in your dream doesn’t even sound like the way you were acting while you were under Martin’s spell.”

I nodded. “Something else occurred to me. I had those same nightmares after we came home while we were sleeping earlier. But then Lisa mentioned the whole biology thing, and now I’m wondering if that isn’t playing a role in what I’m dreaming.”

“How do you mean?” Justin asked.

“Well, what if this is my subconscious doing with him what it did with you? I let you do all sorts of depraved things to me when we were first together. I begged you and pawed at you for sex because I didn’t realize that it was my biology desperately trying to gain power every time you ejaculated in me. Since the dreams about the Huntsman are focused on the ejaculation part of the sex with the Huntsman, I’m wondering if it isn’t the same sort of thing.”

“Maybe it’s my biology wanting more of whatever it was that he was giving me. Power-wise, I might have been acknowledging what I was gaining from mating with the Huntsman before I was even aware of the effect.”

This time it was Justin who shuddered. “I can’t say that’s not a possibility,” he said. His grip on my leg tightened. “If that’s what it is, we’ll work through it together. I’m not going to leave you alone to pine desperately over the Huntsman. And it disgusts me that your biology would even want that, but if it’s your biology, then I think I understand, at least a little bit.”

“After all, look how much trouble I had with Beowulf. And he and I are supposed to be partners. Beowulf ruled my life, worming his way into my brain and my feelings, and my actions before I could even stop him. If all you’re doing is dreaming about gaining the Huntsman’s power, then you’re doing better than I did.”

“So, as I said,” he reassured me, “ I won’t blame you for this. Especially since you would never have gotten a taste for the power that a half-demon could provide you if the Huntsman hadn’t kidnapped and raped you in the first place. So really, it’s not any more of your fault than anything else the Huntsman did to you. This is his fault.”

I squirmed over, wrapping my arms around Justin and kissing his chest. “It’s hard to believe you’re the same man that I was married to before. You were always sweet when your lycan wasn’t in control. But finding this balance . . . the best way I can describe it is that you’ve grown up. I like the man you’ve grown into.”

Justin purred, sliding his hand down my stomach and in between my legs. He rubbed gently at the mound at the top of my sex.

My knees fell open, inviting him to explore inside me.

“Is this alright with you?” he asked.

I nodded.

“How do you want me to finish?” he asked, kissing down my neck towards my breasts.

“I don’t know what you mean by that,” I admitted.

“I mean,” he ran his tongue around my nipple, and I arched my back, “that I want to know if you want me to finish as myself or as Beowulf. After what Lisa said, I won’t press you to continue trying to create a lycan pup. If we made something happen last night, then so be it. But if you want to do more research before we risk anything more, there’s always the possibility it didn’t take the last time.”

I reached my hand between his legs, gripping his cock and feeling it bounce against my palm. “It’s okay,” I said. “Lisa seems relatively sure that there wouldn’t be any effect on a baby. I want to do this. The Huntsman is not going to control my life anymore.”

I stared into his eyes, looking for confirmation that he agreed with me. “We’re ready to start a family. We said we would do this when you were in control of Beowulf and when we had forgiven each other. Clearly, both of those things have happened, so it’s time. We need to take this next step together and fully break free of the hold our parents and the Huntsman have had on our lives.”

He pressed himself between my legs, sliding his shaft up inside my body. Every part of me tingled with the pleasure of welcoming him in. With a shudder, my heat flared to life. My biology might want power from the Huntsman enough that the desire lingered in my sleep. But my waking mind and body desired a child with my lycan king.