Chapter 148

Justin’s POV

Why? Why was Helen turning on me?

We ran through the forest in my Lycan form, me doing everything in my power to keep him running instead of ripping apart Helen like he wanted to.

She’s rejected us. Our mate has rejected us.

Those words kept running through my lycan’s head. I knew how he felt, but I was also calm enough to understand that our connection, our mate bond was still there, just as it had been before she had spoken all of those horrible words.

What did she mean I didn’t love her? How could she possibly say something like that? Of course, I loved her.

Yet, against my will, Helen’s comments wiggled in, chewing on my brain like insects feasting. They were painful, and they wouldn’t let go.

Had I really treated Helen that badly?

A little tiny voice in my mind said, yes, you did.

I snarled at that voice. I didn’t want to hear it. “I love Lily!”

Do you? that little voice asked. Or did you love her the way your father loved you?

“My father was a monster,” I snarled. Not that there was anyone actually inside these woods with me to argue with.

This was all inside my own head, and it wasn’t even an argument with my lycan. He was so distressed that there was no talking to him. All he did was howl and run at this point.

“I’m nothing like my father,” I snarled.

Helen may have been a maid to her parents. They may have beaten her and fed her on scraps on the floor but did they ever chain her?

I shook my head against that thought.

Your father chained you, that same voice taunted me.

No. I wasn’t like my father. “I love Lily better than that.”

At least, I thought I did. Guilt welled up in my chest, causing me physical pain. In response, my lycan tore up my own flesh with his claws.

I didn’t want to have these thoughts. I just wanted things the way they were before all of this, before any of it. I wanted to be back with the Helen I could take to my bed and put in heat with the merest look at her. I wanted to go back to the time when we never knew where or when we would strip each other down and make wild passionate love to each other, just knowing that it was inevitable that it was going to happen.

Things were much simpler than she was my mate. She was my luna. Her job was to please me. And what pleased me was to know that she was safe inside my house, wherever that might be, where I and I alone could watch over her and make sure that she didn’t do anything which would end up harming herself.

You sound more and more like your father, that nagging voice said to me.

I gripped my head and fell to my knees. At this point, my lycan was so distraught that even running wasn’t working anymore. It was all I could do just to curl up and try to keep from feeling this pain inside my head, inside my heart.

I told myself repeatedly, gasping between the words, “I am nothing like my father. I am nothing like my father.”

I lay on the forest floor, grappling with this pain in my chest. Over and over and over again, I tried to convince myself. Finally, the realization crashed down on me, and a wild sob tore from my chest.

I am just like my father.

I howled. I had treated Helen horribly. I thought I had been doing the right thing. Maybe it was because it was the only way my father had ever treated me, and I just didn’t know any better. But I’d done the exact same thing to her that he had done to me.

My father locked me in the house and told me that it was for my own good, for my own protection. I was never allowed to be an active participant in my own life because, according to my father, I would only hurt myself or someone else.

This was exactly what I had been telling Helen, my own mate. How could I do something that despicable?

But she stabbed you with a poisoned knife, that despicable little voice came hissing back, pouring poison in my ear.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to believe.” I clutched at my head.

The crunch of leaves drew my attention, and I could smell the aggravating fae before I could see him.

“What are you doing here, Russo?” I growled.

“I came to check on you and see whether or not your lycan had run completely amok. I think I’m capable of getting out of harm’s way if I have to.”

“Dylan didn’t even come?” I was surprised at the amount of hurt in that question. Hopefully, Russo didn’t hear it and think me weak.

“He’s currently attending to your mate.”

“Why? What’s wrong with her?” I asked, instantly diverted.

“Nothing’s wrong, per se,” he started slowly. “Though you might disagree with my assessment of it.”

“Stop being obtuse, you stupid fae, and just spit it out.” I sighed and rubbed at my forehead. “You’ve been with my pack long enough to know that when my lycan is on edge, it’s not a good time to be anything but direct.”

He sighed and shrugged as if it didn’t make a big difference to him. “Your Luna’s moving into a place of her own.”

“What?” I yelped. “Absolutely not!” Before I could stop him, I’d already shifted back into my lycan.

Russo jumped sideways. “You can get upset if you like, but I think she’s got a good point.”

I turned and snarled at him. “Watch yourself, fae.”

He rolled his eyes at me. “And you wonder why your luna is having a hard time being with you. It’s when you act like this like somehow the bad news is my fault.”

He took a step back away from me as if calling me out on my temperament, I would lash out at him. Admittedly I wanted to, but I also wanted to prove him wrong, and if I lashed out at him, I would only prove him right.

Instead, I snarled and crossed my arms across my chest to keep myself from doing anything to confirm his assessment of my temper. He gave a sharp nod at me.

“That’s appreciated. Thank you for not losing your temper at me.”

I just growled.

“If I might be so bold as to say, I honestly think this is an excellent thing for you both.”

“How can you say that? I snarled angrier than ever.

“Helen said that she isn’t rejecting you. She’s simply leaving to give the two of you space until you come to terms with how best to interact with each other.”

“I know how to interact with my mate,” I snarled. “I don’t need some impudent fae without a wife telling me how I’m supposed to deal with mine.”

Russo shrugged. “My advice is simply that, just advice. But how is your method working for you so far?”

I snarled and paced away, then stomped back, pointing a claw in his face. “Helen just needs to work harder. It’s her job as my mate. She’s the one who’s done wrong. She’s the one who needs to fix this.”

Russo boldly reached out, pushing my claw down and away from his nose. “I will never disagree that her actions hurt you.”

I hmphed. “That’s right.”

“But,” Russo tacked on, “have your actions hurt her?”