Chapter 1
The Holy Cross Chapel sits on the cliffs of Malibu's coastline, where Pacific Ocean winds sweep across white sand beaches, lifting my long wedding veil. I stand at the chapel entrance, gripping a bouquet of white roses, my four-month belly prominently displayed beneath my custom wedding dress.
Today is our big day. Five years of dating, finally bearing fruit.
'Asher must be waiting for me at the altar.'
I take a deep breath and step into the chapel. The moment the wedding march begins, a hundred guests rise in unison, all eyes focused on me. I smile as I walk toward the altar, my heart pounding like drums.
But when I reach the altar, my entire world instantly collapses.
Empty.
Nothing stands before the altar. No Asher, no groom, just an embarrassed priest and dead silence.
"Where's Asher?" My voice echoes through the chapel, sounding like it's coming from somewhere far away.
Marcus—Asher's best friend and today's best man—sits in the front row, shaking his head with a pale face: "Iris, I... I don't know. He's been unreachable since this morning."
I pull out my phone and dial Asher's number.
"The number you have dialed is turned off..."
The guests begin whispering among themselves, their murmurs washing through the chapel like ocean waves:
"My God, first time I've seen a groom run away at a place like this."
"Look at that belly, definitely a shotgun wedding."
"Well now, she's been abandoned."
I feel the blood draining from my face. My wedding dress suddenly feels as heavy as lead, constricting until I can barely breathe.
My world begins spinning. The four-month baby, a hundred guests, and these vicious whispers—everything weighs down on me until I can't breathe.
"Everyone, I'm so sorry..." My voice trembles, "The wedding... the wedding is canceled."
After saying those words, I turn and flee the chapel. Even louder murmurs explode behind me:
"Poor girl."
"Men really can't be trusted."
"What about that child?"
An hour later, I sit alone. Flower petals scatter across the ground like my broken heart.
Marcus approaches with a complicated expression: "Iris, I really don't know where Asher went. This isn't like him."
"Not like him?" I laugh coldly, "Then what is like him? For five years I thought I knew him, and what's the result?"
"Maybe he has some emergency..." I don't want to hear whatever Marcus is saying anymore.
I walk to the parking lot and get into my car.
The Pacific Coast Highway at dusk is heartbreakingly beautiful. The sunset paints the entire ocean golden-red, waves crash against the cliffs with deafening roars. But in my eyes, all of this has become mockery.
I drive while crying, tears blurring my vision. Those words keep echoing in my mind:
The steering wheel slips in my wet hands. I wipe away my tears, trying to concentrate, but the pain in my heart surges like a tide.
The radio broadcaster's voice comes through: "Malibu area has a heavy fog warning tonight, please drive safely..."
'Maybe... disappearing wouldn't be such a bad thing.'
Once this thought appears, it coils in my heart like a venomous snake. No one would miss me. Asher has already abandoned me. My parents are traveling in Europe and don't even know about today's wedding. My friends just witnessed the greatest humiliation of my life.
I gently caress my belly: "Baby, maybe mommy doesn't belong in this world. Maybe neither of us do."
The fog grows thicker and thicker, visibility getting lower and lower. I slow down, but deep inside there's a voice saying: 'Speed up. End all this pain.'
Just then, two blinding headlights suddenly appear ahead.
I jerk the steering wheel, but it's too late. A massive crash echoes across the entire coastline.
The world instantly becomes slow motion.
My car begins tumbling, glass shattering, metal twisting. Through the shattered windshield, I see the cliff and raging waves below.
'I'm going to die.'
Strangely, in this moment what I feel isn't fear, but a kind of relief.
'Baby... mommy is sorry...'
The car begins falling, seawater rushing toward me. I close my eyes, waiting for the final moment.
Ice-cold seawater floods into the car, surrounding my body. Consciousness begins to blur, but my last thought is crystal clear:
'If there's a next life, I'll never be this foolish again.'
Darkness swallows everything.
Blinding sunlight streams down from the skylight.
I jerk awake to find myself sitting on the toilet in my studio loft, holding a pregnancy test in my hand.
Two lines.
'This... how is this possible?'
I look around. This is my studio, my home. Unfinished illustration works hang on the walls, colored pencils scattered across the desk, that pot of lavender in the corner still alive.
This is the scene from three months ago. This is the afternoon I first discovered I was pregnant.
I stand up, my legs so weak I can barely stand. The pregnancy test falls to the floor with a crisp sound.
Memories from my previous life flood back like a tsunami: the humiliation at the wedding, the guests' whispers, the car accident on Pacific Coast Highway, the suffocating feeling of seawater filling my lungs...
"Iris? You've been upstairs so long, are you okay?" Asher's voice comes from downstairs, concerned and gentle.
My heart pounds wildly. That voice, this man I once loved deeply but who ultimately betrayed me.
"I'm fine!" I shout back, but my voice is trembling.
I pick up the pregnancy test, gripping it tightly. Two lines. Three months ago. I still have a chance.
I walk to the mirror and look at myself. Still the me from three months ago, not yet destroyed by betrayal and death. But my eyes are already different.
