Chapter 85

[Evelyn’s POV]

This wasn’t how I expected my night to go. All I wanted was to ease the uncomfortable scratchiness in my throat with a cup of tea and return back to my silent sanctuary.

The last several days had been some of the hardest to ever endure in my life. I’d become so used to being around people who cared for me and appreciated me, that I generally wasn’t used to being alone and isolated.

Granted, I was responsible for shutting myself away—I knew that—I just couldn’t believe that this was how I'd been living for the majority of my life. Before I married Alexander, I never realized that I’d been primarily living in my family alone.

The staff were my only source of conversation. But there was only so much time they were able to converse with me before it would begin to hinder their responsibilities. As sad as it sounded, I was grateful for every chance we got to speak.

Without them, I didn’t know what would have become of me. So far, the only positive thing that came from my marriage to Alexander was gaining a larger network of people I could spend my time around.

So, why was I shutting everyone else out, as well as Alexander now?

An hour or two after I had initially stormed off from having gone off on Alexander, I came to a grizzly and painful realization. I had hurt someone.

The feeling of having the back of my head smash into Oliver’s nose, and hearing the awful crunch of his bones made me nauseous. I couldn’t believe what I’d done. I was beside myself. Although I’d told him to let me go, I still didn’t like the fact that I had injured him.

Apart from not wanting to have anything to do with Alexander, I purposely kept myself hidden away because of the shame that I felt. That whole scene had taken place in front of so many other staff members. Now, they were all going to believe that I was some violent nutcase.

I couldn’t imagine any of them ever looking at me the same way again.

It left me heartbroken and even more angered toward Alexander. It was because of him that this whole misunderstanding escalated so terribly.

I really didn’t know what was to become of my life now that everyone had witnessed me blowing up in front of Alexander and telling him that I refused to be in the same space as him. The mere thought of him now had my heart aching.

The anger was still there but a lot of the rage had burned off, causing me to feel drowsy and utterly exhausted. I had a headache that refused to go away and my sleeping pattern hadn’t been any better. If I wasn’t suffering from the ongoing mortification then I was struggling with nightmares.

I constantly felt out of it which was why I remained standing in front of Alexander. I just didn’t have the energy to make a quick escape. What I found shocking about our interaction was that he was actually apologizing to me.

Hearing him own up to his faults made my guilt come rushing forth with a force that left me trembling.

“How could you do that to me?” I asked him. “How could you make me feel so horrible about myself when I didn’t do anything?”

“Trust me, I know that now.”

My voice sounded hollow. “I don’t think I can,” I admitted.

I saw the hurt in his eyes. “When I saw you there with Michael, my initial reaction wasn’t anger but rather confusion. I didn’t understand how or why he would be there. I know that Michael had seen me before you did. Evelyn, the look he had on his face was monstrous.”

My brows pulled together. Of course, I couldn’t recall seeing such a look from Michael. My attention had been too focused on Alexander.

“I snapped. I admit it,” he said with a pained look of shame. “I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. Unfortunately, I did believe that you had intentionally set out to meet him.”

“No, Alexander. I was walking aimlessly around that place for hours because of you,” I told him. “You had just thrown me the most incredible birthday I’ve ever had and the next thing I know, you’re avoiding me. You made me think I’d done something wrong. You wouldn’t talk to me. You’re the one who shut me out.”

“I shouldn’t have done that. I was so wrapped up in having to deal with Michael, that I neglected everything else around me. Believe me, my concern for your well-being in all of this was at the forefront of my mind when it came to him.”

“And yet, you were the one that tore me to shreds,” I said quietly. “You were able to do it so easily. It was as if all my fears and doubts about us had been confirmed.”

This time, Alexander looked crushed. Not a single part of me felt bad for saying any of this to him.

As messed up as it sounded, part of me wanted him to feel the pain that I felt.

“It was easy...Because I had my own list of fears and doubts when it came to our relationship,” he said. “I couldn’t imagine why someone like you would ever want to willingly shackle yourself to someone as screwed up as me.”

“What?”

“Evelyn, you’re beautiful. Not only that, but you’re dangerously intelligent and you actually have a desire to help those around you. You possess a heart that’s far too big for someone like me and have the patience of an actual saint.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Before all this madness, when Wendy and I had been chatting in her rooms. She’d told me that Alexander felt as though I had settled for him. I didn’t believe it.

Because there was no way someone like him—handsome, accomplished, successful and devoted to his people would have gone for a girl like me.

Our marriage was nothing more than a setup. Under any other circumstances, I would hardly think that he would have openly gone out of his way to get to know me, otherwise.

Alexander’s gaze turned heated. “Imagine my surprise when I heard that you were under the assumption that I had settled for you,” he said.

My heart skipped a beat. “It shouldn’t be that big of a shock for you.” He gave me an incredulous look. “You were with Rena...She’s twice as beautiful and far more accomplished than—”

Alexander shook his head. “Stop.”

“Knowing that you and her were once together...How is anyone supposed to compete with that?” I asked

“There was never a competition,” he claimed. “Yes, Rena is beautiful. But let me tell you what else she is. She’s self-entitled. And for the record, the only real talent she ever had was knowing how to climb the social ladder. But let me tell you, she never had half of the intelligence you have or the care that you give to others.”

“Tell me the real reason why you went off on me at the market.”

I knew I was placing him in a very vulnerable situation. I was forcing him to be transparent with me, something he would never do otherwise.

“I didn’t like seeing you with him. But, after some serious thinking, I realized that I wouldn’t have liked the situation any better if it had been with a completely different person.”

“Are you saying that you were jealous?”

“Jealous and petrified over the possibility of losing you to someone else,” he said.

“I am not Rena.” I brought my arms close to my chest. “I would never do what she did to you. I cared and wanted to be closer to you for so long, but I honestly have no idea what to do about all of this now.”

God, I wished for the pain around my heart to go away. I needed rest. Good, real rest. But at the same time, I didn’t want to leave the kitchen for fear that I may not ever see this side of Alexander again.

“Like I said before, I’m not asking for your forgiveness. But would it be possible for us to start again?” he asked.