Chapter 181

[Evelyn’s POV]

I really tried not to let the whole matter bother me. I was fairly sure that I wasn’t the only person to exist that wasn’t trainable. Still, I felt horrible knowing that I had wasted Erik and Thomas’ time.

Every muscle and joint in my body was aching and for what? I couldn’t even say that the pain was worth it. Spending all morning in front of that damn punching bag only resulted in me feeling exhausted and defeated.

I trudged back to the house for a much-needed shower while gently rubbing the pads of my thumbs into my aching wrists. I had no idea how I was going to be able to work in the greenhouse when my hands were so sore.

What was worse was that I had no idea how I was going to ever face either Erik or Thomas after. But I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to willingly throw a punch at someone who had never done anything to hurt me or threaten me—even if it was just pretending.

Yet, I had absolutely no problem pressing a broken shard of glass to Samantha’s face not too long ago.

I let out a loud breath and shook my head. “There’s something wrong with me,” I grumbled.

I made my way up the patio steps and through the back main doors. I heard a few muffled voices further down in the hall as I moved along. I briefly squeezed my eyes closed and hoped that it was just a few of the staff and not Alexander.

He’d been nothing but supportive through the whole idea of me beginning training. I wasn’t sure it was in me to face him and tell him how poorly it went. As quietly as I could possibly be, I rounded the corner. I kept my head tucked down close to my chest, doing my best to go unnoticed.

So close. Just a few more feet and I’m—

“Evelyn?”

“Damnit,” I mumbled under my breath.

I lifted my head to find Alexander and Oliver glancing at me with curious looks.

“Hello,” I greeted, feeling terribly awkward.

Alexander gave a curling look of amusement. “How was training? I’m surprised to see you back so soon.”

“It was...Enlightening.”

“Oh?”

“I don’t think it’s going to work out,” I told him. Instantly his brows furrowed as he tried to close the space between us.

He came to rest his hand on my hip. It was a reminder that I wasn’t alone to face whatever bitter feelings were eating away at me.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

I shook my head and held up my hand, trying to wave off the discussion. “Quite the opposite, actually.” I could tell from the puzzled look on his face that he wanted a better answer than that. “Look, I feel gross and sweaty. I’m going to go take a shower.”

I pulled out of his anchoring touch and finally made it to the bedroom. I snagged a fresh pair of clothes and headed straight for the shower. Turning on the water, I waited a few moments for the temperature to heat up before stepping under the stream.

I braced my hands on the wall in front of me and let the hot water work some of the aches out of my muscles. At least there was something to level out of the pain that I felt in my chest. I was disappointed in myself and I wasn’t sure if there was any way I could work around this mental barrier.

While I was deep in thought I hadn’t heard either the bathroom door or even the shower door open. Someone was clearly in there with me, yet I didn’t feel an ounce of concern. My instincts knew who it was.

That same, familiar pair of hands that had a high tendency to hold me close at night, came to wrap around my waist. My head tilted to the side as Alexander gathered most of my hair onto one of my shoulders.

It was hard to believe that there was once a time when he and I weren’t like this. The thought of him seeing me in such a vulnerable state would have surely

I felt the soft press of his lips against the side of my neck. His low baritone sent chills down my spine. “Tell me what happened at training.”

“I’m just not cut out for it,” I muttered.

“There’s more to it than that. Come on,” he coaxed.

He slowly began to work more of the tension out of my shoulders.

“Erik and Thomas had me set up in front of one of the punching bags for a while. When it came time to move over to one of the mats, they wanted me to start throwing punches at Thomas. I...I just couldn’t do it,” I huffed. “I know, I know. It sounds stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” he said. Alexander grabbed the body wash off the shelf and lathered up the loofa. He gently gilded it over my skin. “Don’t think of the lessons as trying to make you into some kind of violent entity. I can assure you, that’s not it.”

I whirled around to face him. “Then what is the point? I keep being told that it’s to help me defend myself, but what use are the lessons if I can’t even manage to throw a punch at someone?” I asked with a pout.

“Maybe we’re just going about it the wrong way,” he noted.

I shook my head. “If you think drawing out my rage is what’s going to help, I’m telling you right now that I’m not continuing this.”

“Your rage?”

“Yes,” I stated. “Erik and Thomas mentioned the time when I had Samantha by her throat. I know what I almost did to her. I remember the fear and the anger that was burning through me. It’s not a feeling that I can just channel on a whim.”

Alexander slowly nodded. “Will you consider giving it another chance?”

I let my gaze fall. “I don’t know.”

...

The following day, I seriously debated about heading back to the training tent. I figured it was just wise to put the whole thought out of my head for the time being.

After breakfast, I made my way back to the greenhouse to check on the other elements I planned on adding to the serum. Back during my excessive research in the library, I had read up on the benefits of working with Rosehip Seed oil.

I wasn’t entirely sure how much time passed before I heard a light knock on the door. When I turned my head I saw that it was Thomas.

“Hello, Thomas,” I greeted lightly.

He smiled and tipped his head down. “Evelyn, would you please come back to the training tent?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “I’m not sure it would be worth anyone’s time if I did,” I admitted.

“Trust me,” he said. “We’ve talked it over and decided we’re going to try a different approach.”

Why did that sound familiar?

I narrowed my eyes and begrudgingly followed behind Thomas. I shyly glanced around the camp until we made it to the tent. I waved to Erik and stopped dead in my tracks when my eyes fell on to the other person who’d been waiting.

“Alexander?”

He graced me with an encouraging smirk. “We’re going to pick up where you left off yesterday,” he said. “Go stand on the mat.”