Chapter 23

Damien’s POV

I hated these new feelings churning within me. Usually, I was cold and calm on the inside, an unfeeling wall of ice with nothing underneath. Yet that vision of that woman, her face so similar to my pets, seemed to light a spark inside of me that melted my protective ice.

Now, I felt far too many things, and I was out of control of my own emotions.

Such a thing should never happen to a vampire as old and powerful as I was.

Worse, Rose was looking at me like she could see the shift in me, as well as my sudden confusion. Fury rose up in me at the sight. A mere human should never presume to know me.

Fighting for control, I stood up straight. Keeping my face carefully blank, I stared down at my human pet with indifference.

“I don’t know love because I don’t need love,” I said. “Emotions are a distraction. Every vampire feels the same. We have no feelings and no need for them. We only lust for blood.”

Rose’s eyes went a bit sad, like she pitied me in this moment.

“You can’t feel love?” she asked.

“I don’t need love,” I corrected. “Once a vampire falls in love with someone, that love becomes their fatal weakness.”

She blinked, surprised, and for a moment, I regretted revealing that to her. But soon, I decided that it didn’t matter if she knew or not. Who was she but my weak mortal pet? She could so easily be disposed of if need be.

Besides, I would never allow myself to be in love, so I would never know this weakness. And I would never be exposed to its dangers.

What did it matter if my pet knew this or not?

I tired of talking about this, especially as my emotions felt so completely off. I also tired of looking at Rose’s face and seeing a woman I couldn’t remember but was certain I knew.

Ridiculous.

Whoever she had been, what did it matter to me now?

I was an ancient vampire, the sire to most modern vampires. I was so far beyond these mortal weaknesses, that I didn’t even need blood to survive anymore.

I had no use for happiness, for love, or for anything else. I only truly needed myself.

I stormed out of the room, unwilling to discuss this further or to allow that human to know any more secrets of vampire kind.

As I was, I felt unbalanced, suddenly stuck with these uncomfortable feelings. I had felt them once, a long time ago, but that had been so long ago that they felt more nostalgic than real. It was almost as if I had been transported to the past.

After descending the stairwell, I found one of the exits and stepped out into the night. Finding a quiet spot in the gardens, I closed my eyes and breathed. Like this, I meditated, steadying my breathing and my thoughts, until I was finally under control again.

I would need to be more careful in the future, to not allow myself to be triggered into memory. I had no use for the past anymore, or for any pesky emotion.

The present was all that mattered.

Satisfaction. Blood. Power.

These were all that a vampire needed.

All that I needed.

Olivia’s POV

For a moment, I had thought I was witnessing a change in Damien. The way he had softened…

His eyes had glossed over, like he was somewhere else, seeing something I could not. Maybe he was in a past that he barely remembered. Or maybe at his age, he was simply losing his mind.

Either way, he had leaned in like he had intended on kissing me. And in that moment, as if caught in a dream myself, I had not wanted to stop him.

I could kick myself for my feeling. Yes, I was powerless against him, and if he wanted to kiss me, he would have done so whether I would have tried to stop him or not. But that didn’t mean that I should have wanted him to.

How many times was I going to betray Jacob? I didn’t want to, yet it seemed like my heart had other plans.

No, this wasn’t me. The way I was drawn to Damien could only be because of our blood bond.

His blood was inside of me now, pumping along with my own. That connected us in ways I didn’t fully understand.

That had to be the explanation for why I had wanted Damien to kiss me, or why it was so easy to fall under his spell when he bit me, feeling a sort of lust that I had never experienced before, not even in my weakest moments, when I had very nearly let Jacob kiss me.

I had to be stronger and steel myself against these unwelcome feelings and desires. Even if Jacob didn’t exist, I could not allow my heart to fall into a vampire’s trap.

Damien, like all vampires, was a cold-blooded animal. The only thing they ever truly wanted was more power.

I was tired of thinking of him, of giving him any consideration at all. He already had so much control over my life. He didn’t need to be the focus of my private thoughts as well.

Determined to forget all about him, I picked up more paper and my charcoal and began sketching out a face. I tried to think of more people of the town, or even of Jacob again.

Yet, as my charcoal moved over the paper and a figure began to form, I realized I was drawing Damien.

I groaned, crumpled up the paper and tossed it across the room in the direction of the trash can.

Even more determined now, as well as annoyed, I started another drawing on a new piece of paper.

Soon, I realized that this also looked like Damien.

That one also flew toward the trash can.

A third. Again, like Damien.

Growling now, I tore the paper into tiny pieces, so irritated with myself.

This had to be an effect of the blood bond. There couldn’t be any other explanation. It wasn’t as if I actually liked Damien. He was a vicious, ruthless monster, and I hated him.

Giving up on drawing today, I put away my supplies, sliding them under the bed where they would be out of the way. Then I stood to clean up the mess I had made. I didn’t want Damien to see my work and know that he had been on my thoughts, even in the slightest.

I needn’t have worried. He didn’t return until very late, nearly dawn. Even then, he did not look at or speak to me. He simply walked to his bed and started resting.

That evening, as we both woke to start the night, I thought he would disappear again, especially as the servants arrived to help me dress. I rose to join them in the bathroom to be cleaned and changed as per usual.

This time, however, Damien’s voice spoke up before we could make it through the door.

“Stop,” he said. He sat lazily in his armchair, one arm draped over the side, the other hand propping up his chin. “You will undress out here today.”