Chapter 36

“Oh, it’s fine that you’re going on a date, Orion,” I say, sitting up straight and lying through my teeth, my pride giving me the boost I need. “I’m just…surprised.”

I don’t miss, at all, how carefully Anton is watching me.

“What,” Orion says, smirking as he pulls on his jacket. “Did you think I was only dating you?”

“Yeah, Orion,” I say, leaning forward and staring up at him, hard. “Considering how much shit you were giving me for dating my fiancé? I kind of did get the impression that you only have eyes for me.”

Orion laughs a little at that, harsh but entertained. “You do keep a man on his toes, Juniper,” he murmurs, reaching out a hand to help me up.

“Yeah well, one of your nineteen girlfriends has to do it,” I sigh, taking his hand and getting up, surprised at the efficacy of the potion that has me feeling almost completely normal by now. I reach a hand passively for Anton, wanting him close. He’s at my side in a moment.

“I’ll see you soon,” Orion murmurs, lifting a hand and hesitating for a second before he quite gently tucks my hair back behind my ear.

And then I blink, feeling myself vanish through time and space, and when I open my eyes again?

It’s just me and Anton, alone in my chambers, as if we’d never left.

I turn towards him immediately, guilt and sorrow rushing through my chest. “Anton, I’m so sorry –“

“June, it’s okay,” he murmurs, opening his arms to me.

I stumble towards him, head down, and then gasp when – predictably – I walk right through him, cold washing over me as it has done before. I spin, wide-eyed, back towards Anton, wondering when the hell it’s going to click with me that he doesn’t have a body – that I can’t just touch him like I would anyone else.

My wolf gives a little howl of grief at the thought, shifting from foot to foot, and a desperate little frown takes my mouth as Anton laughs and turns towards me. “Come on,” he says, waving for me to follow as he strides to the bed.

“Why?” I ask, watching him.

“Will you just come?” he snips, giving me a glare as he sits down on the bed.

I sigh and go to him, crossing to my side of the bed and matching his movements, first sitting and then, when he lays down across from me, doing the same so that we’re facing each other, our faces a few inches apart.

“Why are we doing this?” I whisper, staring into his pretty ghost eyes.

“Because,” he whispers back, raising a hand and tracing his fingers over my hair, leaving a sparkling little trail in their wake. “I can’t…hold you, June. Can’t give you a hug and make sure for myself that you’re all there in one piece. This feels as close to you as I can get.”

I stare at him for a moment and then sigh, nodding and scootching a little closer, wishing he could touch me. I could use that hug right now, especially from him.

But still, I have some crow to eat. And I’m eager to do it.

“I’m sorry, Anton,” I repeat, my voice thick with my sorrow and my grief as I drop my eyes. “I should have told you about Blythe. And I should have been nicer to you when I found out that you were a Cadet and friends with my brother and my sister. And I…shouldn’t have left the room without you this morning and scared you and then I should have listened when you said the Deadlands were probably dangerous –“

“I’m sorry too, June,” he murmurs, interrupting me even as he keeps up his soft petting of my hair. I wonder, quietly, if he can feel it any more than I can. If he likes the way my hair feels under his hand. “I should have told you too. I just…wanted you to know me for me first, instead of as Ariel and Rafe and Jesse’s friend. It felt important at the time.”

I raise my eyes again to his. “Probably not a bad impulse, all things considered.”

“Oh, do you refer to your absurd, insane, and utterly unnecessary jealously regarding your big sister?”

I scowl, not liking the way that he makes it ridiculous. “You try growing up in the same house as her.”

“Same palace, you mean,” he murmurs, smirking.

I just roll my eyes. “That’s so not the point.”

Anton’s smirk deepens but he nods, letting me win. I snuggle closer, letting my eyes drift shut, and Anton lets out a long, deep breath, I think content.

But my wolf still dances from foot to foot, anxious. Ask him, she says, snapping her jaw. We need to know.

And so I sigh, keeping my eyes shut, and obey her. “Anton,” I whisper, my voice more hesitant than I want it to be. “How did you die?”

There’s a long moment of silence and then a tingle on my cheek. I open my eyes and look up, my heart pounding, seeing that Anton has cupped my face with his palm.

“I think you already know, June,” he murmurs, soft and serious. “I took a knife in Ariel’s place. I died so she wouldn’t have to.”

I let my eyes drift shut, breathing out a long breath, as the details snap into place. Because I know the story, of course – my parents told me about it. About Ariel’s friend, who jumped in front of the knife that a traitor Cadet pulled on her, who took the blow that was aimed at my sister and died for it.

I shake my head, realizing now that in my haze of grief at losing Blythe, I didn’t even process Anton’s name when my parents said it. When I read it on the funeral program.

Because his was the other casket at Blythe’s funeral. A double funeral, for two Cadets who gave their lives too young – one for the war effort, the other to save his Princess. Two men died and in my grief for one I didn’t even think about the other.

I press my lips into a tight line, knowing that I’ll never, ever be able to thank Anton enough for that sacrifice for Ariel. That none of us ever will.

But still, my wolf digs at my soul with her claws, impatient. You know that’s not the real question, she growls.

Would you please just lay off? I beg her. He just told us how he died!

No, she snaps, giving a little pounce. Do it.

So I sigh, and shake my head, and open my eyes to look back up with Anton, jealousy already racing through me. “Did you…did you save Ariel’s life because you’re in love with her?”

Anton stills for a minute, I think not expecting that. But then a soft smile breaks onto his face as he strokes his hand again over my hair. “No, June. I’m not in love with her.”

I frown at him. “Why not?”

He bursts into a grin and then laughs, soft. “Are you mad at me now for not being in love with her?”

“No,” I murmur, frowning deeper and looking down. “I just…don’t get it. Ariel’s perfect. Why wouldn’t you be in love with her? Is it…is it just because you knew you didn’t have a shot with all her mates running around?”

“Oh, whatever, June, I could have had a shot if I wanted one,” he murmurs, laughing softly.

I grin and look up at him again, unable to help it. “You seriously think you’re hotter than Jackson McClintock?” I raise an eyebrow, thinking of Ariel’s second mate who she looks at with almost literal stars in her eyes.

Anton’s eyebrows go up, his grin widening. “Do you have a crush on McClintock?”

“Ew, Anton,” I growl, smacking at him, making him laugh. “That’s my sister’s mate – that’s like having a crush on my brother –“

“Well considering you were on a date last night with your cousin –“

“Anton!” I shriek. But then I’m laughing, and grabbing a pillow, and beating at him with it. Satisfyingly, his form is slightly disrupted with every hit, fading in and out of my sight. But I know it doesn’t hurt him, because he just laughs and works hard to block himself even though it does no good.

When my shock and anger fades, I’m laughing too, and I pull the pillow back and shove it under my head, flopping back down on the mattress.

His laughter fades after mine and I can’t help but smile at Anton because in these moments, with his eyes creased shut from laugher and joy, his mouth stretched wide with happiness…

God, but he gives even Orion a run for his money in terms of beauty. Anton just…shines, quite lovely, his handsome features set to their best advantage in that joyful light.

“You gotta let it go, Junie,” Anton murmurs, reaching up a hand to wipe a tear of mirth from his eye. “This jealousy of Ariel – it colors everything you see, especially how you understand yourself. You can’t even imagine a world in which I’m not attracted to her when the reality is that it’s just…so not the case.”

“Then how do you feel about her?” My question is very soft.

“Ariel’s really important to me,” Anton says with a shrug. “But it has nothing to do with like…attraction or romance or something. I respect her, and I think she’s funny and a good person. I like hanging out with her. She’s one of my best friends – but that’s as far as it goes. Think of it the same way you think of Jackson, apparently – you like him, right?”

I nod.

“And you can admit that on a physical level he’s an attractive guy?”

I nod again, because it’s true. Both of my sister’s mates are gorgeous.

“But do you want to make out with him?”

I stick out my tongue, grossed out.

Anton grins. “Then maybe it’s exactly like that. She’s my friend, but I’m not in love with her.”

“Unfortunately for you, Princess,” a dark and melodious calls from elsewhere in the room. “He is in love with me.”

Both Anton and I gasp and sit up straight, staring around. I go stark still, staring with wide eyes when I find the speaker, a trim little woman with shirt dark hair who is perched quite prettily at the end of my bed.