Chapter 105

“God no,” Anton murmurs, steeping even closer even as he pulls his hand back, slipping it into his pocket. “Beatrice is not my mate - it’s impossible, June, she’s the most boring person I’ve ever met –“

I scoff, angry again. “Lots of people don’t like their mates when they meet them, Anton,” I snap. “That’s part of the process – learning to love your mate and trusting in the Goddess’s wisdom to pair you with someone who matches your soul –“

“Beatrice doesn’t match my soul,” Anton murmurs, shaking his head and twisting his mouth to the side, looking off at the horizon. “She’s faking it, June. I have no idea why – not really – probably as some scheme on Death’s part to drive a wedge between you and I. Because clearly, when we’re together we’re a powerful pair.”

“We are?” I ask, looking up at him, baffled.

“Juniper,” Anton sighs, looking back at me, taking his hand back out of his pocket and raising it to cup my cheek against his palm. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have flustered you. But for heaven’s sake, you know the answer to that question. As much as I don’t want to take any credit for anything you did today, I do think you would have drowned if I hadn’t been in that water with you.”

My mouth pops open a bit as my mind begins to turn again, as I think beyond my sexual frustration and romantic distraction to realize that he’s right – that I needed my handmaiden today, that he saved me, just as – perhaps – my grandmother intended him to.

Because in her wisdom she knew that I would need him – that more than just his moral support, that I’d need his magic –

My eyes flick back up to Anton’s. “You saved my life,” I whisper.

He shrugs. “You saved yourself, June. I was just a little bit of inspiration. Besides, you called me to you – Death had me in a pretty insane grip, I couldn’t move at all, and then I heard you – heard your wolf –“

“You heard my wolf?” I whisper, fascinated.

Anton nods and taps his heart. “Yeah. I did.”

I stare at him for a long moment and then narrow my eyes. “So…you’re not mated to Beatrice.”

“No way.”

“And you’re sure?”

He smiles a little, laughing. “I’m very sure, Juniper. I’d bet my life. I’d bet yours.”

My mouth breaks into a snarl as my hands fly up, shoving Anton hard. “Then why the hell are you trying to get me to marry Orion!?”

“What!?” he sputters out, baffled. “When the hell did I do that!?”

“Before dinner!” I shout, advancing on him, wanting to shove him again. “When you were like oh you two should rule together!”

“Well, you should!” Anton says, laughing a little as he takes a few steps back, dodging away from me. “Go easy on me, June, I’m more susceptible to your abuse now that I have some semblance of a body –“

“No!” I shout, smacking him hard on the arm, making him roar with laughter. “You jackass, if you don’t want Beatrice then why don’t you want –“

I stop myself suddenly, standing up straight, just as Anton smirks, collecting himself and again coming close, wrapping his hands around my arms. “Why don’t I want what?” he asks, grinning down at me.

I scowl, not liking this – not liking how neatly he’s trapped me – “why,” I amend, “do you want to pass me off on Orion!?”

“I don’t,” he murmurs, pulling me closer before dropping one of his hands, slipping it around my back instead to hold me close against him, making me tilt my head way back to look up into his face. “Honestly, June, I want you to be allied with Orion. I want you to even marry him if you think it would help –“

I gasp, appalled, starting to wriggle against his arm.

He grins down at me, enjoying the hell out of himself and keeping me locked against him. “If,” he continues, “it was a sexless marriage of political convenience, of course.”

I go still, staring up at him. Because…what?

“Yeah, because it’s not going to work for me, is it?” Anton murmurs, slipping a hand behind my neck, cradling my head. “Seeing you in another man’s arms? No. Never. Not for me.”

I just stare up at him, my breath deepening and quickening, my wolf standing stock still in my soul, panting like a mad thing, her legs stick-straight and locked.

Oh my god, she whispers, delighted. He’s – he’s going to do it –

My heart pounds and Anton smiles, the little points of his teeth showing in his delight.

“You – you don’t want – want me in Orion’s – arms?”

“No,” he growls, quite soft, lowering his face just slightly so that it’s just an inch from mine. “Is that what you want?”

I just stare up at him and softly, barely shake my head.

“What do you want, Juniper?” he asks, his voice all snarly and low and lovely.

I just stare up at him – quailing a bit at the last – knowing that it’s – it’s all so close – that all I have to do is stand on my toes and then –

I do it, on impulse, arching my feet and standing taller, bringing my mouth so close that I can feel his breath on my lips -

But even as I draw near, Anton lifts away. “No,” he says, firm. “Say it, Juniper. Please, god, just – just once, say it -”

It breaks me – hearing him beg -

I moan, my hands flying up to press against his cheeks, and then to hastily wrap around his neck.

“You,” I whisper, shaking, “you – I want you –“

My boy breaks at the words, his breath catching in his throat in a moment before rushing out over his lips, but even then just briefly –

Because a second later his mouth is pressed to mine, and his arms tighten, and Anton holds me close as he kisses me breathless. His lips move slowly, like he’s savoring ever lingering feeling, every emotion –

But the hard press of him – his body against mine – the fervent press of his mouth, his tongue –

I smile a little, my wolf howling with joy – because he wants me too. I can feel it – how close he is to losing control. How this is – for him – just as it is for me - something he’s wanted for a long time – something he’s been praying for, and never really, really thought he’d get.

Anton stumbles backwards, losing his footing – his sense of gravity – but his arms stay tight around me, taking me with him.

I don’t care, my arms winding tighter, pulling myself closer as I gasp in a desperate breath, wanting more, my lips returning to his again and again in press after press, my mouth opening for him, wanting more of the sweep of his tongue against mine – maybe forever, maybe never stopping –

Anton stumbles again but then apparently gives into it, pulling me down into his lap as he falls hard on his ass. I go willingly, not caring, and Anton gathers me in close so that both of my legs drape over one of his thighs, so that he cradles me against one arm and bends me back, just slightly, to better leverage his mouth against mine.

And god – something about that – about Anton taking the upper hand, about the way my head bends back on my neck –

I moan, probably louder than is polite, but fucking…loving it. My head tilts back even further, baring my neck to him, and light flashes behind my closed eyes when Anton presses his lips first to my jaw, and then drags his mouth down the length of my neck, a snarling growl echoing in his chest as he does.

My toes curl and I bite my lip, my wolf telling me to do fucking ridiculous things – like vanish all of my clothes – and his too – to bite him – to sink my teeth deep into his skin and taste his blood – somewhere high on his neck so everyone can see that he’s mine –

Fucking mine –

But Anton slips a hand behind my head, pulling me back up, and presses another kiss to my mouth.

Softer now – less fervent –

Not – not matching what I want at all –

My eyes fly open as I frown at him, confused and disappointed – a little pissed off, quite frankly, because it was just getting good –

Anton laughs a little, pulling his face away, shaking his head. “Not like this, June.”

“What!?” I shriek, sitting up straight, grabbing his shirt, pulling him close. “Why – why the hell not!?”

He grins at me and shakes his head, pulling me close, clearly letting me know that he wants me there – wants me tight against him – never wants me anywhere else –

“Because,” he sighs. “I want…the whole thing. All of you, all at once. But like this? June, I’m barely corporeal –“

“What are you talking about,” I snarl, flatting my hands out against his chest and then smacking him with them, pretty hard. “You’re totally here –“

He bursts out laughing, shaking his head. “No, seriously, June – touch my skin.”

I hesitate and then do as he says, lifting my hand to his face, stroking my fingertips over his skin. And I realize, suddenly, exactly what he means –

Because even though I can feel him, his skin is…precisely the same texture as his clothes. Not like his clothes feel like skin – no, nothing gross like that - just…there’s a sameness to all of him. I frown, suddenly desperately sad, and raise my hand to run through his hair. And while it moves against my fingers as it should, and is perhaps slightly softer…

Anton’s right. He’s more solid but…he’s still not all here. He’s still a ghost.

“Can you…still feel me?” I whisper.

“Yes,” he murmurs, leaning forward again, nudging my nose with his – an action so sweet it makes my heart leap into my throat. “Just…less than I would, if I had a real body. And I can’t…smell you. Or taste you…” he shrugs, and immediately I understand.

It’s not the same. It’s not…the whole thing.

And I get it – instantly I do, and want the same.

I mean. I definitely want to keep kissing, but…

I scowl, leaning back against his arm, making him laugh again.

“Are you seriously this impatient, June?” he murmurs, grinning at me.

“Yes,” I growl, crossing my arms and glaring at him. “No one has ever made the mistake of imagining me a patient person, Anton.”

“Well, then all the more reason for you to hurry up and figure out how to get me a body again,” he murmurs, dropping his head, pressing a kiss to my shoulder like it’s the best and most perfect thing he’s ever seen.

“Yes,” I murmur, thinking on it. “We need that wish –“

But suddenly I go still, and Anton raises his head. “What?” he asks, frowning at me.

But all the blood drains from my face as I realize that…

That in seizing the Game, in ending Death’s control…

That there’s no more prize.

“Oh no…” I whisper, pressing a hand to my mouth.

I stare at Anton in horror, suddenly realizing that in my bid to become the Queen of death…

I may have taken away Anton’s only chance at life.