Chapter 68
Ember
I wake nauseous again. I try to breathe through it but it’s worse than yesterday. I barely finish dressing before I’m rushing to the bathroom, one hand braced against the wall as the wave crashes over me.
My stomach clenches, even though it's empty. I lean over the sink, breathing through my nose as I wait for the twisting feeling to subside.
I breath through it only to be met by the smell of breakfast wafting in from the hall when I return to the main area of my room. The smell turns my stomach all over again. I sit on the floor and close my eyes until the feeling starts to fade.
This has become routine. Wake up, be sick, pretend it’s not happening.
The banquet is only days away now. I promised myself that if I was still sick by then, I’d go to the healer. I already feel the urge to go back on that promise.
The last thing I need is a diagnosis that forces me to step down from my duties. I can't afford time off when there is so much swirling around in my head. Work is all I have.
I drag myself up and splash cold water on my face. My reflection looks pale, but not too bad, just tired. I can work with tired.
I feel Nara’s concern but she keeps quiet. Her presence is quieter than usual, more cautious. She doesn't say anything and I’m grateful that she doesn’t press.
I make my way down the corridor to check the updated guard rotations. The castle feels colder today.
I do my best to carry on as normal, but my focus is off. I reread the same names three times before I realize what I’m doing. When I finally finish and look up, Kaine is coming down the hallway.
I turn toward the opposite corridor before he can say anything. This has become routine, too.
The discomfort in my stomach is replaced by a sharper pain, something close to grief. I chastise myself for mourning the loss of something I never really had.
When I return to my office, I try to concentrate. I go over the final supply runs for the banquet, double check the kitchen entry routes, and adjust the guard count for the guest wing.
My hand trembles slightly when I lift my pen. I know I need to rest, but it’s hard when he keeps appearing in my mind.
Every time I close my eyes I picture the night we were together. The first time I had been overcome by our mate bond, but this time I had really wanted him at least I thought I had.
My mouth falls open as I remember the way his breath hitched when I whispered his name. I can practically feel the grip of his hands on my waist.
I grit my teeth and force the thought away. It’s not real. It’s the bond.
The bond suppressing potion I had was the weaker version again. That has to be all this is, a combination of side effects, hormones, and instinct.
Side effects or not it doesn’t stop how fast my heart races whenever I hear his voice, or the way heat rushes to my cheeks when I catch his scent on a file he’s handled. I bury the thoughts and keep working.
When I finally meet with Kaine to review final security adjustments, I keep my voice as even as I can. I hand him the updated guest clearance files and don’t look at his face.
He thanks me quietly. When I move to leave, he pauses like he wants to say something else. I keep walking.
I catch him watching me later that day as I move through training with some junior guards. I pretend not to notice
Kaine
Ember’s colder than she’s ever been. At first, I thought it was just awkwardness, a result of the leftover tension from the kiss, but it’s starting to feel like something else entirely. She’s shut down completely.
We speak when we have to. She is professional during briefings and meetings, but her answers are short, her posture rigid, and she won’t meet my eyes unless forced.
I tried lightening the mood during a briefing once, made a remark about the ridiculousness of one noble’s extra entourage request, but she didn’t smile. She didn’t even look at me.
I can’t tell if she’s angry or if there is something she’s not telling me, and the worst part is, I keep thinking about her. I do it more than I should and not because of the kiss, but because I miss her.
I miss the way she used to speak plainly and challenge me in strategy meetings. I miss the way she used to stay a little longer after meetings to crack a joke or two. Now she leaves the room the second she has an excuse.
At today’s security update, I reached for a file at the same time she did. Our hands brushed and she pulled away like I had burned her.
I wanted to ask if she was alright. I didn’t.
She’s purposely trying to keep her distance, and I don’t know if it’s for my sake or hers. Either way, the space between us is starting to feel permanent, and I don’t know if I should, but I wish I could stop it.
Ember
That afternoon, I cross paths with Bianca as I walk around the courtyard. She’s wearing blue today, her hair curled perfectly. There’s a mean glint in her eye when she sees me.
“Ember,” she starts
I nod. “Bianca.”
She steps closer, smile never wavering. “I heard that you’ve nearly finalized the plans for the banquet.”
“Yes, just doing my job.”
“Of course,” she says. “I’m just so happy that you’re playing your part. It’s important to remember where we belong.”
Nara bristles, her anger mirroring my own, but I ignore it. In a way Bianca is right. I have chosen my path.
Bianca smiles, but I can see the warning clearly in her eyes. The message is simple: leave Kaine alone. I take a deep breath trying to solidify the walls I’ve placed around my heart.
She steps back, gives a little wave, and walks off without another word.
Later, I sit at my desk, gripping my temples. I try to tell myself not to let her get to me, but her words keep repeating in my head. “It’s important to remember where we belong.”
Kaine is hers. I gave up my right to him when I chose to hide our bond. I need to let this go.
I ignore the pressure building behind my eyes. I don’t cry. I’ve trained myself not to, but something inside me tightens, threatening to snap.
I feel my mark burn under my clothes and I press a hand to it, willing the feeling to pass.
I chose this. I chose to keep secrets. I know that this is for the best, but tonight, I hate how much it hurts.
