Chapter 58

Ember

I get to my office early, earlier than usual. The halls are quiet at this hour, which is exactly what I want. There are no conversations, no glances, and no questions.

I do not want to see anyone, especially not him. I do not want to be reminded of what happened last night. I do not want to relive it every time I close my eyes or let my thoughts wander.

I sit at my desk and immediately throw myself into work. Patrol schedules, shift evaluations, and reports about the recent rogue activity all need to be handled. There are new communications to respond to and performance summaries waiting to be reviewed.

Anything that keeps my hands moving and my mind occupied seems better than doing nothing. Still, none of it helps. I keep flashing back to last night.

The kiss plays on repeat in my mind. I remember the warmth of his hand in mine, the way he leaned in without hesitation, and the way I let him. The moment felt charged and quiet at the same time, as though the world had briefly stilled around us.

It was not only the bond that made me respond. I can admit that much to myself. The bond might have lowered my guard and urged me forward, but I wanted to kiss him.

I had wanted Prince Kaine long before the mission and long before the forest. That is what makes it worse. It makes it real.

We should not have let it happen. It was reckless.

Prince Kaine is engaged to Bianca and revealing myself as his mate is too risky. No matter what I feel, that has not changed. Even if he had looked at me like I meant something, even if he touched me like I was the only one he wanted, it does not change anything.

It does not change what revealing myself would force me to give up. Maybe he would want me, but even then I would be expected to stop wearing this uniform, to step away from everything I have worked for, to smile politely while others took over the duties I had earned.

If Prince Kaine chose me over Bianca, I would be expected to leave the guard. The moment I am seen as more than a soldier, I lose my place.

Beyond that, if anyone finds out about even the kiss, all respect that I have earned in this palace will vanish. All of my accomplishments will be invalidated. People’s suspicions that I was only promoted so the prince could keep me close will seem true.

If they ever find out, the story will write itself. I will become the one who manipulated her way up, the one who used the prince. They will never believe I got here on merit.

A knock at the door pulls me out of my thoughts. I straighten and call for whoever it is to enter, already smoothing my features into the unreadable mask I’ve had to master during my time at the here palace.

Prince Kaine steps inside his expression as blank as my own. His tone is quiet, neutral. He hands over a list of minor adjustments to the patrol schedule and gives a few instructions.

I keep my answers short and factual, careful not let my emotions slip. He does not linger. His gaze flickers to mine once, briefly, but he does not speak beyond what is necessary.

When the door closes behind him, I sit back in my chair. My ribs still ache, but what hurts more than the pain is the guilt, and the knowledge that I let myself want something I should not have.

I should have drawn the line. I should have remembered what it would cost.

Kaine

I have read the same paragraph three times, and I still don’t know what it says. I look at the page, but all I see is her face last night in the healer’s wing. I remember the quiet way she said my name, the way her fingers curled against mine, and the moment our lips met.

It keeps playing back, uninvited. I remember her breath catching when our foreheads brushed, the way her eyes softened just before I leaned in.

It should not have happened. She is a palace guard. I am engaged to someone else.

I keep telling myself we were both vulnerable, that it was a mistake made in the aftermath of something traumatic, but I know that is not the truth.

I meant it. I kissed her because I wanted to, and I cannot bring myself to regret it the way I should.

That truth unsettles me. I am not supposed to be thinking about her right now. I am not supposed to want to be near her.

I have a duty to this kingdom and a promise to Bianca, my mate, the one that has already been paraded in front of the court. Every step I take toward Ember risks unraveling that.

Still I once again tell myself I need to check in on her, to see how she is adjusting to the role. That excuse gets me out of my chair and down the hall. When I reach her door, I hesitate for only a moment before I knock.

I have already told myself this is nothing. It will stay that way if I keep control of the moment.

Her face is expressionless as she opens the door and steps aside to let me in.

Her face is blank, but her posture is stiffer than usual and her shoulders look tense. I sit across from her, and the silence between us is not easy.

It is not the comfort we sometimes find in working quietly. It feels like something unfinished is hanging between us. I can hear the clock ticking on the wall behind her the thudding of my own heartbeat as I work up the nerve to say something.

Eventually, I speak. “The kiss was a mistake.”

She nods immediately. “I agree.” Her voice is calm, but her eyes remain focused on her desk. Guilt begins to claw its way up, and I take a deep breath.

I wait, thinking she might say more, but the silence only grows heavier. After another beat, I nod and leave without saying anything else. I close the door softly behind me, ignoring the tightness in my chest.

Ember

The door clicks shut behind him. I do not move.

We both said what needed to be said. We called the kiss a mistake. We agreed to let it end there.

I should be relieved, but I can’t help the sadness that threatens to overwhelm me. The kiss had not felt like a mistake in the moment. It had felt like something I had wanted for a long time.

Now, I have to pretend it meant nothing. I have to keep moving.

I have spent months keeping the bond hidden, pushing back every instinct, choosing my duty over what I felt, but last night, I let my guard down.

For a moment, I let myself choose him. I opened my eyes to my real feelings and as a result, that moment cost me more than I could have anticipated.

Nara does not speak, but I can feel her disapproval. She wants me to tell Kaine everything. She thinks he deserves to know.

She believes he would choose me if he knew the truth. She thinks that he’s different.

I can’t risk it. Kaine has his responsibilities, and I have mine.

If anyone found out what happened, everything I have built here would be gone. I would not be a trailblazer or the first female guard. I would be the girl who kissed the Prince and got promoted.

They would ignore everything I have done and reduce me to a rumor. A story passed around behind closed doors. I whisper to myself, not sure who I am trying to convince.

“It’s over.”

The room is quiet, and I return to my work.

“It has to be.”