Chapter 120

MILA

Even knowing all that I did now, I still felt hesitant about returning to Fresonia and finishing what I started.

I was beginning to wrap my head around the fact that Felix had not, in fact, been the one to sentence me to death, but the whole thing still felt really slimy. Would the royal family ever see me as anything more than a pawn to use in their powerful games, or would they let me be my own person?

I felt more lost and confused than ever.

Even worse, the person I would normally rely on to talk about these things and get advice from was noticeably unavailable at the moment. Instead, all I had was a past version of myself and a head full of complicated, violent memories.

Sofia was studying me, clearly trying to figure out if I was okay or not. It was eerie looking at her, knowing that we were the same, but also somehow… not. It was hard to imagine I’d ever been in Sofia’s shoes, forced to make the difficult decisions she had.

And yet somehow, everything she had done–we had done–led us here.

“I think,” Sofia said slowly, “that you should see him before you make your final decision.”

I looked up at her. “See him? What are you talking about?”

Sofia looked just past my shoulder, concentrating on something just barely out of my eyeline. “I have the ability to give you the chance to observe Felix from afar. It may be difficult for you to watch, but it may also aid you in your decision to return.”

“Observe him?” I asked.

Sofia nodded. “Briefly. Unobtrusively. Then you can decide from there.”

It seemed as good a chance as any to uncover what I really needed to do.

“Thank you,” I said softly. “I’d love to.”

Sofia gently waved her hand, and the void around us dissolved.

I was back in the Fresonian castle, but in its most modern form. I appeared to be in the rooms that belonged to Felix’s parents, but his mother and Esmeralda were nowhere in sight. Instead, Felix and his father were standing on the opposite side of the room from me, both of their faces contorted with anger.

It looked like I had arrived in the middle of a tense standoff, but over what, I could not yet tell.

Seeing my husband again was like a gunt punch to the stomach. He looked healthier than the last time I saw him, implying that my death really might have cured him, but his face was haggard. Dark circles framed his eyes and he hadn’t shaved in days. In fact, it looked like he had hardly slept.

“You don’t understand!” Felix yelled at his father. “You don’t get to make those kinds of decisions anymore!”

“You were ill!” Ivan responded. “What was I supposed to do?!”

“Not kill my wife,” Felix spat at him. I shrank back, even though I knew that I remained unseen.

“Felix, we had no choice. Your mother was an absolute wreck. I thought–I thought that if you died, we would lose her, too,” his father admitted. “Her broken heart was not going to last much longer. Even now, I fear for her.”

My heart ached for Rowena. I knew that Felix’s parents had good intentions when they hauled me out to the courtyard to get poisoned. They were determined to save not only their son, but their king. I had to respect them, at least a little, for that difficult choice.

Even if it came at the cost of my own life.

“Are you trying to bring her back?” Ivan’s voice turned a bit gentler. Felix sank down onto one of the plush sofas, running his hands through his hair.

“Isla and Joseph are currently on a mission to see if that’s even possible,” he said in a low, even tone. “But respectfully, Father, I think it’s best if you and Esmeralda are not part of these conversations.”

Ivan bowed his head towards his son. “I understand, Felix. Take your time. Do what you need to do. And if you need anything, I’ll be here.”

Felix stared forlornly at nothing. “I miss her so much, Father. I would do anything to get her back.”

His father chewed on his bottom lip. “I know, Felix. There must be a way.”

Felix’s eyes darkened slightly. “And I will find it.”

His father sat down next to him, tentatively. “Have you put any thought into what you’re going to do about the riots in Barlow?”

The riots in Barlow? What was going on in the kingdom? I hadn’t been gone that long, had I?

“I’m waiting for a more comprehensive report from my men still down at the border,” Felix said. “But I do think it’s high time we were honest with the people of Fresonia.”

Ivan sighed. “As a father, I would agree with you. As a former king, however…”

Felix shrugged. “We can only contain the rumors about dragons for so long.”

The rumors about dragons?! My jaw dropped.

Ivan looked down at the floor, clearly contemplating his next words very carefully. “We also need to make sure the dragons are protected, and that we do not run the risk of larger countries invading us for our magic.”

To my surprise, Felix actually turned to look at his father. “A fair point.”

Ivan smiled ever-so-slightly. “I try to make one sometimes.”

Felix grimly nodded. “As soon as I get Mila back, I will devote my full attention to the crisis in Barlow. Meanwhile, we are sending more resources to the area to aid with the hunger and homelessness.”

“You are a wise man, Felix,” Ivan said.

And with that, I was pulled out of the castle, and back into the void.

Sofia was waiting for me when I arrived. “Did you see anything?”

“I saw a conversation between Felix and his father,” I told her. “There appears to be some disagreement over how best to handle my whole… situation.”

“But how was he?” There was a quiet sort of desperation in Sofia’s eyes, and I wondered how many times she had tried to search out Samuel in the same way.

“I don’t think what happened to me was his fault,” I admitted. “I think he’s just as upset with his family as I am. I don't even know if his parents are fully to blame, either. It was just a terrible situation all around.”

Sofia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I believe that he does love you, Mila. There are things to work through, to be sure, but the love is there.”

“Do you think–” I stuttered, trying to put my racing thoughts together, “do you think that I should go back?”

Sofia laid a hand on my cheek. For the first time, I noticed the deep-rooted pain that dwelled in her eyes, a pain that had lasted for a thousand years. “I think that you are the best version of yourself that you’ve ever been. You represent everything that all the past lives have ever gotten right; you are kind, you are fundamentally good, and you are patient. I will never be anything more than a great mistake, lost to history. But you, Mila, you could save everything.”

“How do I wake up?” I whispered. I was afraid if I tried to address Sofia’s pain, something inside me would crack and never be fixed.

Sofia gave me the tiniest smile. “You have to forgive me.”