Chapter 91

Ardal

We curve down a winding path thick through the woods, hugging the trees alongside us, the top of the car occasionally scraping underneath branches as we venture further into the dark depths. It seems as though we’re following a secret route carved by someone who knew the way intimately through the deep thicket of pines.

The only thing that penetrates the silence is Keith Urban’s “Kiss a Girl” playing on the country radio station. Its infectious melody and upbeat lyrics feed the lovesick girl inside of me. I think wistfully of Kadeem and can’t help but smile to myself, until suddenly, it goes dead, cutting out with a strange humming frequency.

Kadeem quickly shuts off the radio to quiet it, then fiddles with his phone.

"I don't have any signal," he says to Jack. "I don't like this," he adds with a growl.

"We're in the middle of a forest and we're nearing the bottom of a mountain range," Jack says sternly. "What do you expect?"

Kadeem grumbles under his breath as he stuffs his phone back into his pocket.

"It's only just a little further," Jack says and the kids eyes are aglow with anticipation as they squirm anxiously in their seats.

Kadeem looks back at me and a hint of trepidation shows through his expression before he seals it away.

The air smells wild and my nose tickles in anticipation. My heart begins to race and I feel my wolf stirring with an energy that surges through my veins.

We continue deeper into the forest when the path ends. Jack hits the brakes and looks back at us. "We'll have to continue the rest of the way on foot," he says.

Kadeem's eyes narrow in suspicion before he opens his door and then pulls mine open. He's edgy and alert. I can feel his guard up on high as he scans everything around us and stares into the black edges of the woods.

The kids scramble over me in their excitement to get out of the car, but Kadeem’s quick to reprimand them.

"Wait for your mother," he scolds them, grabbing Ezra and Milo as they try to bound over me, and then turns to warn all five of them before they can wander off into the shadows of the forest.

He takes my hand to help me out and his fingers are gentle against my skin. Despite this warmth, I step away awkwardly when Jack rounds the corner. Kadeem sighs softly in response.

"Um, how long of a hike is this," I ask.

"About five miles,” Jack says, pointing ahead. “Not a bad walk, but it does get a little steep near the end.”

Kadeem shoots him with a withering glare. "You remember we've got six year-olds with us?"

"Oh, it'll be good for them," Jack says, nodding his chin towards Kadeem with a doctor's authority.

Kadeem rolls his eyes.

"I'm hungry," Milo pleads, tugging at my sleeve.

"Me too," says Ezra quietly. His expression is timid with downcast eyes. He hates getting into trouble.

Kadeem seems to pick up on it. He ruffles his hair and wraps his arm around him. Ezra tilts his head back to look into Kadeem’s eyes. Kadeem smiles down at him and brushes his bangs back as Silas runs over.

"Me three!”

"You already went through the snacks," I say, eyeing Milo especially. "And we didn't pack dinner.” I let out a sigh, silently kicking myself for not thinking of it.

In a surge of exuberance, Lottie snatches Jack's hand and swings his arm back and forth, while her voice rises in song, “This is the way we wash the clothes, wash the clothes, wash the clothes.”

To her delight, Jack reluctantly acquiesces, although he holds his arm a little too stiffly. Guess they didn’t teach him how to have fun and games with children in his pediatric residency.

Kadeem quickly steps in, smiling down at Lottie in amusement, and extending his own arm as a reprieve for Jack.

“So early in the morning,” he joins in singing as she beams.

She catches his hand, but doesn’t release Jack’s. With giddy exhilaration, she’s swinging both of their arms wildly while singing, “This is the way we rake the leaves, rake the leaves…”

Kadeem chuckles and gestures at Jack. He counts to three loudly and then they lift and swing her while she giggles and Kadeem continues to sing. Her squeals echo through the trees while the other kids watch on laughing and shouting, "My turn!" Jack has broken out into a huge grin and now he’s shouting out the song with all the rest of them.

A lump forms in my throat. Apart from some help from Julia - and Hannah, of course, it's mostly just been me with the kids. I don’t think I fully realized how lonely that’s been until this moment. Suddenly, I’m less isolated and grateful for their strong masculine energy I can’t mimic.

They give the rest of the kids a turn, then they race around while Kadeem turns to me.

"You doing alright there, kid?"

He reaches out and links his fingers with mine before I catch a glimpse of Jack morphing back into Charlie Brown mode. An uneasy guilt bubbles up inside of me and I immediately bristle, yanking my fingers away.

"I’m fine," I say tersely.

Kadeem looks like he wants to say something, but the kids rush back over.

"We're hungry," Milo complains again.

"Well, let's get some food then," Kadeem says.

"Okay," Milo's face gets bright. "I want pizza!"

Kadeem laughs. "Does it look like there's pizza around here?"

Milo's face falls. "Then how will we get food?"

"We'll hunt for it, of course."

"No Kadeem," I interject.

"Why not," he asks. His eyebrows rise as he gazes up at the thin slivers of blue sky peeking through the treetops above. "They'll be more than fine. It's a full moon tonight. Can't you feel it?"

"Of course I can -" I begin, recalling all the old instincts within me that are begging to be unleashed.

"Then it should be easy for them. Why don’t we show them what we do?"

If I'm being honest, part of me is terrified to allow this untamed part of myself out and train the kids to find these parts of themselves, too - even though, deep down, it’s exactly what I long for most. Something pushes me forward. "Okay," I say, relenting.

He grins and addresses the children. "You ready?"

Silas hesitates, casting a glance at his siblings. "We’ve never done this before.”

Kadeem nods solemnly. "Just think wolf," he says. "Notice all the smells and sounds around you. Concentrate and don’t hold back.”

"What do werewolves eat," Lottie asks. Her eyes are wide with caution.

"Well, you are a werewolf, so you tell me," Kadeem teases.

"No," Lottie giggles. "I mean, when they hunt!"

"Deer, rabbits… maybe the odd human," he jokes. Then he turns to me with a gleam in his eye. “Would you get a fire started? We’ll cook the food. I don’t think they’ll be ready for raw animal this time around.

I start to answer affirmatively, but stop myself short, returning his gaze with a suspicious arching of my eyebrows.

“What makes you so sure I know how to make one,” I ask.

In truth, I got really good at it when Kadeem and I used to camp.

His expression remains neutral as he responds coolly, “Come on.”

My breath catches in my throat. Then I feel a shift reverberate through the air around us. Kadeem vanishes, transformed into a magnificent beat with white fur, looking at us through glowing, vibrant blue eyes. His claws are unsheathed and his fangs are bared.

The kids squeal with amazement and then reach out to pet him cautiously. Ezra’s standoffish right at first, but quickly warms the most - soon pressing his face against Kadeem’s wolf form as he hugs him.

Erbao‘s wearing Kadeem’s crooked grin. “This is cool,” he says, looking over at me.

"Go on," I say, encouragingly.

Their faces erupt in concentration as each child morphs into their own respective wolf pup - complete with vicious claws and razor sharp fangs, giving them the visages of adorable, puppy monsters.

Erbao being a miniaturized version of Kadeem himself; Lottie, my own miniature copper canine, but with his signature blue eyes. Silas, Ezra, and Milo, are all jet black. Silas has Kadeem’s eyes, Ezra has my green irises, and Milo’s eyes are a stunning hazel.

"Well done," I say, barely having time to register the true beauty of their transformations before they scurry off towards Kadeem’s lead direction, eager to explore their new-found freedom.

But Kadeem turns back for just a second, casting his eyes warily towards Jack, who seems to go shaky behind me. I hear him take an unsteady step back.

Kadeem’s luminous eyes lock onto mine, pupils dilating, and I freeze. I feel a shiver run down my spine, overwhelmed by the ancient, primordial power emanating from him - his alpha strength, undeniable.

Emotion wells up in me as I feel a surge of pride, coupled with a feeling I can’t shake off, nor have wanted to grant him before: respect.

Without thinking, I lower my gaze out of instinctive deference.

He pauses, then lifts his paw to take a step towards me when a playful, rumbling growl catches his attention - Erbao and Milo playing tug-of-war with a stick.

He returns to lead them and I stay rooted to the ground.