Chapter 86

Kadeem

The touch of her lips against his was like satin. Smooth, alluring… yet, strangely restrained.

But his Ardal was anything but restrained. She wore her every emotion, every passion on her sleeve.

He pulled away, breathless and confused, trying desperately to resist the temptation of more soft, whispery kisses in the dark with her.

"What are you playing at?" he asked, struggling to keep his composure amidst the torrent of emotions.

Her voice rose up in indignation, ready to protest, but he silenced her with a finger pressed gently against her lips. Surprisingly, she yielded without resistance, also unlike her usual self.

Drawing close, he whispered fiercely in her ear, cautious not to disturb the sleeping children nearby. "You have a boyfriend in the next room," he reminded her.

She lifted her chin defiantly, locking eyes with him. "I know," she admitted, unapologetic.

"Then let's not forget that we're all on a trip together," he urged, trying to bring reason back into the situation. "And that you were essentially running away with him."

“I haven’t forgotten,” she whispered.

“Then what the hell are you doing?” Kadeem couldn't contain his bewilderment.

She stared at him, biting her lip. “I’m going slow,” she said.

Kadeem furrowed his brow in confusion. “Wait, what?”

With a quick glance at her sleeping children, she took Kadeem's arm and pulled him into the bathroom, closing the door behind them, shutting out the world beyond.

Leaning against the bathroom counter, Kadeem looked down at Ardal, perched on the edge of the tub. A memory flickered in his mind of consoling her in the bathroom when she dyed her hair green ages ago.

He couldn't help but chuckle, about to reminisce, but stopped himself short.

"What?" she asked, her voice tinged with uncertainty.

“Nothing,” he said softly. “Let’s talk. How do we go from you eloping with Rayburn to kissing me?”

"I broke up with him," Ardal said, her brows furrowing as she feigned interest in her fingernails.

Kadeem raised an eyebrow. “Well, you’re awfully cuddly for exes.”

She cleared her throat and glanced up at him. “I mean, I care for him, and I've been trying to - to care more, but I can't.” She gulped, and he saw the guilt on her face.

“He was very hurt and I wanted to comfort him. We just sort of cozied up and then fell asleep. But I made it clear to him that I -" She took a breath. “I told him we kissed, and that I’ve been…” Flustered, she put her head in her hands.

Kadeem smiled, a playful glint in his eyes. "Just say that you like me," he said, winking. "It won't kill you."

She peeked up at him, her cheeks turned the color of tomato soup. Then she narrowed her eyes. "I don't like you," she retorted.

He crossed his arms and raised both eyebrows, a laugh escaping him. "Do you even hear yourself?" he asked. "You just told me you broke up with Rayburn for me, after forcing yourself on me, by the way -"

Ardal shot up, her temper flaring. "Forcing myself?"

He held out his hands in mock defense, still chuckling. "That part was just to wind you up a bit."

"Oooh," she hissed. "Kadeem, you are -"

"Wonderful?" he suggested.

“Childish,” she said, becoming more agitated by the second. “Frustrating and annoying, a total asshole -”

"Okay, we got it," he interjected with a grin. "So you can't stand me, but here you are anyway, leaving your doctor,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Falling into my arms."

She glared at him, her eyes blazing. "This, with you, is just a wolf thing. It's physical. I can't control it. Everything else about you, I find obnoxious, and horrendous, and-"

He leaned down to pick her up from the edge of the tub, pulling her close. "Tell me how awful I am and how much you hate me while we're having sex in this motel bathroom. It'll become my favorite kink."

She pushed him away, her voice firm. "What part about ‘slow’ didn't you understand?"

"Slow is for people you like, isn't it? Angry, hateful fucking is for the people you just have an animal lust for."

Ardal paused, considering his words. Then she shook her head. "No," she said firmly. "I'm not ready for that with you. Maybe not ever." He could see the hurt etched on her face.

"Okay," he said, swallowing his pride. "You lead the way, then."

She looked down, pretending to examine her fingernails once more. "I'll try." Her voice was hesitant, unsure.

"You won't lose control if I won't let you," he offered sincerely. "You're not alone in... wanting to figure things out."

She looked up at him, surprised by his understanding. "You're more layered than I give you credit for."

"It's just not all on display... like somebody," he teased gently as he smiled at her.

A wave of emotions washed over her face, and she took a deep breath before asking, "Where do we go from here?"

He crossed his arms, looking at her expectantly. "You tell me, sister."

Her gaze fell to her feet, and she hesitated before opening up. "Do you know that feeling when you first start seeing someone, and you're just going crazy for them? Like, all you want is to be with them… to touch them…”

He chuckled, recognizing that familiar sensation. "Yes," he replied.

She sighed, her eyes still angled downwards, her dark lashes fluttering. "That's how it feels right now," she confessed in a hushed tone.

The desire he felt for her surged, and his instinct was to playfully tease her about her omission and then pull her into his embrace. But he resisted the urge, forcing himself to remain still and stoic. "I see," he said, his voice neutral.

She frowned. “Giving into this is a slippery slope.” A tentative smile crept up her face, “But also, like, resistance is futile.’

He knew sure knew that feeling.

“What do you want me to do,” he asked.

“Don’t give back any more than I give to you,” she said. “Don’t pitch us further down the field.”

He swallowed, feeling the heat of desire creeping up again. “I’ll just mirror you,” he said.

He imagined kissing her now, slow and steady, willing himself to keep pace only at her speed, and without deepening it. His fists clenched reflexively, as he pictured how he’d have to keep his hands, his entire body, just so, restraining himself from running his fingers through her hair or pulling her close to him - all the things that were instinctual. It seemed an impossible task.

She nodded hesitantly with a determined expression on her face. "And maybe..."

His breathing quickened in anticipation. “Maybe what?”

Her crept across her face as she nervously met his gaze. “You put on the brakes,” she whispered, her voice cracking ever so slightly. "If I can't hold back."

He swallowed hard against the lump forming in his throat and forced himself to speak. “You trust me quite a lot,” he said.

Her eyes were brimming with emotion as she studied him quietly. "You said you'd help us keep our feelings from getting out of control," she said finally

He sighed deeply before nodding his head in agreement. "Yes," he said simply.

She leaned closer, wrapping herself up in an invisible cocoon of vulnerability and fear. "What if you did nothing but just let me be close," she asked quietly. “And you didn’t reciprocate at all?”

He shook his head and shot her a wry grin. “How would I pull that one off? I’m not a set prop, darling.”

She stared at him through a heavy curtain of lashes. “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t trust my own resolve.”

“Hang on,” he teased. “Let me try this out. There’s some method acting involved here, and I just need a second… I’m going to embody a living mannequin.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Now kiss me,” he demanded in a dramatic tone, placing his hand to his forehead like an actress in the silent film era, “And I shalln’t move a muscle.”

She surprised him by drawing close. Her mouth brushed against his before she captured his lips in a slow, yet passionate kiss that stole the breath from his lungs and sent sparks flying throughout every inch of his body.

It was due more to shock, than willpower, that he stayed stiffly, firmly planted and did not respond automatically. Just as he started to give into the temptation, she pulled away. Panting, Ardal dropped her eyes.

“That’s not fair,” he said, finding his voice again, as he struggled against the urge to pull her back to him. “And there’s no way it’s happening, I can tell you that.” He knew full well he couldn’t play that part.

“Actually,” she exhaled, dark eyes meeting his. “You know what? I’m okay now. I think I’m over it.”

He brow wrinkled in confusion. “Over your feelings?”

Her face had softened, as though relieved. “I think I’ve moved past it some way. Somehow, confessing all of this to you, and to Jack, too - just helped take the zing out of it, if that makes sense?”

She turned and put her hand on the door knob. “I need to go to bed. I -“

He whirled her around, grabbing her by the shoulders. “You positive about that?”

“Positive,” she said, staring at him dead in the eyes.

"You're scared," he growled, his eyes blazing with intensity. "Scared of where this will take us. Scared that neither of us can control the pull between us."

He drew her into his arms, holding her tight. Her entire body was tense, ready to shove him off, ready to push him away, as she always did.

Not this time, damn it.

"You'd rather be defensive, forever on edge, ready to flee or argue, anything to avoid standing here with me, vulnerable," he continued, refusing to let her escape. “Well, I won’t let you.”