Chapter 79

Ardal

I stand on my tiptoes, my hands trembling, and yank my suitcase off the closet shelf.

Jack will arrive any moment, and here I am, damn it, in a last-minute scramble!

The last couple of days have gone by at breakneck speed. With the school year’s conclusion, Erbao’s last round of dialysis complete, and a seemingly never-ending to-do list sharpied off, we’re ready to start a new chapter.

Well, almost.

In my fury to get everything else done, I neglected the most obvious task of all - packing my dang bag!

I hurl the suitcase onto my bed with a loud thump and tear around the room, frantically searching for what I need to bring, but I’m so flustered, I can barely think straight. My mind in chaos, I just start shoving and cramming as much as I can fit, filling every nook and cranny of it.

Am I missing anything?

I pace my room, my eyes scanning for some overlooked detail. My heart races and I glance desperately at my watch, noting the time quickly slipping away.

Groaning with frustration, I wrestle with the bulging bag, trying with all my strength to zip it shut. I manage to force the zipper halfway before it won’t budge any further. Sweat beads on my forehead and I’m ready to scream.

I climb on top of it to compress the overflowing contents. After numerous heaves, I manage, triumphantly, to wrangle the overstuffed thing into submission. The sight of its closure nearly brings me to happy tears.

I slump down against the side of the bed in exhaustion, but a prickling, nagging sensation starts to tug at me.

I know I’m forgetting something!

My phone buzzes on the nightstand. I reach over to grab it. Julia.

I feel a pit in my stomach. I’ve told the kids, Hannah, and even Kadeem, that we’re leaving, but I haven’t mustered up the courage to tell Julia. I can’t imagine a better friend, but I’m afraid her voice of reason and logic will talk me out of this.

Bracing myself, I pick up the call.

“Hello,” I croak into the receiver.

“Hi,” she chirps, with an enthusiasm only Julia can muster. “I’m on my break at work and wanted to catch up.”

“I don’t have a lot of time,” I blurt instantly. “Jack’s about to be here to, um, to pick me up.” I push my bangs out of my eyes and pray she doesn’t press me for details.

"Oh, sorry," she says. "I’ll make it quick! I’ve been dying to know if you talked to Kadeem? And how’s Erbao? Has he started his treatments at home, yet?"

"He's scheduled for the catheter placement next week," I lie, hating myself as I do.

"That's great news," she says, voice bright. "And what about Kadeem? How did he take it when you told him?”

My heart thumps as I search for another lie. “Um, well…”

Too frazzled to make something up, I settle for the truth.

“I haven’t told him just yet,” I say. I try to make my voice sound smooth, although I’m probably beaming out my anxiety to her like a radio wave.

“I get it,” she says kindly. “Well, I’d better not keep you... I'll just talk more with you later?"

Her voice on the other end of the line is a cheery, sweet ray of sunshine. My guilt fights its way to the surface and the story starts to tumble out before I can stop it.

Rapidly, I confess everything, chewing my nails in anxiety as I do. She doesn't interrupt me even once. After I've spilled it all, she sits in shocked, stony silence on the other side of the line.

My emotions grow stormy, knowing she disapproves, but before I can process the choppy waves of anger inside me, I hear a commotion from the kids in the living room.

Jack’s here.

"Sorry,” I say. “I have to go.”

"Wait," Julia says. "Ardal - you can't do this. This is crazy. I love you, but I think you're making a huge mistake. Think of Erbao, at least -"

My stomach knots as soon as she utters Erbao’s name. Out of any point of contention she could have made, this one is the most sensitive.

“I am keenly, fucking, aware of the risks for Erbao,” I snarl, cutting her off. “And if there’s any cause for concern, we’ll be with his doctor!”

“But -“

I bulldoze over her, my heart pounding in my throat as I continue my tirade.

“If he needs dialysis, I’ll get him there - no delay! And if this thing doesn’t work, we‘ll come back and pursue the transplant -“

“I -“

Rage swells within me as my eyes focus on the silhouette of mountains on the wall. No longer will fear hold me back from taking risks.

“Jack says he knows of a cure and I believe him, Julia!” My voice booms through the room. “If there’s a way to help Erbao - to really help him - so he can run and play, and swim, or, God, take a bubble bath like a normal kid!”

My voice breaks as I think about all the restrictions being imposed on him.

“If something can help him without machines, and surgeries, labs and blood draws - then that’s what I’m going to find!” Tears are pouring out of my eyes now and I can’t stop them.

“He’s going to be like any other kid, just enjoying his summer,” I say, wiping my eyes. “So don’t you dare suggest I’m not thinking of him!”

"Ardal -"

I click off. I’m beyond livid and I can’t bear to hear anymore of her naysaying. She's feeding the fires of worry and doubt I'm trying to stamp out. I’ve made up my mind and nothing is going to sway me from getting Erbao the help he needs.

Heaving my leaden suitcase off the bed, I drag it with me into the living room where Jack is chatting happily with the kids.

He looks up at me and the smile fades from his face. “Are you alright?”

We’re just going on a trip. We’re just going to try this out. If it doesn't work, we’ll come home. This has been my mantra the last couple of days, and I repeat it again as my hand clenches my suitcase.

I nod and try to steady my breathing. “I’m okay.” I turn to the kids. “Everyone ready?”

A chorus of eager affirmations meet my ears. “Ready!”

The kids and I hug Hannah goodbye on the front steps.

“Have a safe trip,” she whispers in my ear, before turning to the kids with a smile.

They stand and wave at her from the porch, until Lottie rushes off the steps to blow kisses at Hannah’s window. This causes a stampede of boys, as her brothers dart over, too, waving furiously at Hannah as she drives away.

Jack busies himself with loading the car, then flashes me a hesitant grin.

“You ready?”

My heart flutters nervously. “Yes,” I say quietly.

As he leans in to kiss me, the lightbulb flips on in my head. I know what I was missing.

Skinny Pop.

I take a quick step back.

Concern fills Jack’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing,” I declare hastily, sprinting back into the house.

Snack in hand and thoroughly game for some emotional eating, I dart back outside and lock the front door.

I spring down the steps when a slight, dark-haired woman emerges out of nowhere.

Beside her? Kadeem.