Chapter 68

Ardal

The bats are out.

Their leathery wings flutter in the sky overhead, their dark bodies casting a silhouette against the pale morning light.

“Are those vampires,” Ezra asks, as we stare up at the sky, all of us rooted to the porch.

I take a drink of my coffee, letting its warmth soak into me before addressing.

"No, they're just little animals, completely harmless." I pat his head. "They're on their way back to their roost a little late, though."

I take a breath, trying to ready myself for the day.

"Okay, let's get going," I say, trying to break through whatever spell we've found ourselves under. I motion for the quints to hop in the van. They groan their useless protests, picking up their backpacks and lunchboxes with little huffs, and grumbling while they tote their things to the car.

"Last week of school," I say cheerily. "You can do it!"

“What are we going to do this summer,” Milo asks, climbing into our van.

I start the engine. “What do you want to do?"

“Swimming,” Erbao says enthusiastically from behind me.

I see his bright face in my rearview mirror.

I feel a pit in my stomach. What did Jack say about swimming? No rivers or lakes. Are pools okay?

“We’ll see,” I say, feeling sick inside. I back up slowly out of the driveway, my lips forming a hard line.

“How about a museum,” Silas asks.

I force a smile. “That sounds like a great idea. We’ll figure it all out.”

I'm determined to make it a good summer for them, no matter what.

I drop off the kids at school. My mind continues to process how I can keep everyone’s spirits up and make the summer as wondrous as possible.

At the health club, I harken back to my decision to just ignore Kadeem's revelation of love and I decide to project an air of total nonchalant happiness.

I begin to saunter through the place with so jolly a demeanor, you'd think I'd swallowed a ball of sunshine.

"Morning Dylan," I call, spotting him looking over a clipboard of notes.

He looks up and gives me a luminous smile in return. "Hey there, Chelsea!"

I'm speaking Dylan's language now - overly effusive happiness. And I kind of see why he likes it. I start to feel a light kind of giddiness.

"Morning Greta!"

She takes a slow sip of her iced green tea with utmost grace and elegance. "Morning," she purrs, her face glistening with a sheen of sweat from her warm up before her first spin class, making her look like a glowing Venus.

My God, does she ever do anything but simmer with sex?

I continue to try and shake off my blues, showering people with my overly enthusiastic greetings. I'm actually smug with happiness now.

I stride down the hall, and pop my head in Kadeem's office. He's sitting hunched over the desk, absorbed in contemplation.

"Good morning!"

Startled, Kadeem nearly jumps out of his seat. He spins around, his eyes blazing with fiery rage, ready to strike me down in a single moment, but as soon as he sees me, his features soften.

"For fuck's sake," he says, through gritted teeth. "Could you tone it down a little?"

My blood rushes with indignation at his words, although I attempt to remain as composed as possible and flash him a forced smile.

"Of course, I apologize," I say, adding a lighthearted giggle for good measure. "Just wanted to say hello."

Kadeem studies me intently as if trying to uncover some deeper meaning and scoffs. "What are you up to?"

I laugh again, although this time it sounds more genuine. "Nothing, I'm just being friendly." I wave farewell before turning away. "Enjoy your day!"

"Hang on," he says.

Something in his voice makes my heart flutter. Slowly, I turn back.

Kadeem's lips twist into a frown. "I'm sorry for yesterday," he says, his voice gruff. "I was out of line."

My breath catches in my throat and I feel my cheeks flush. He's apologizing? This is something I didn't expect.

"It's... okay," I say, stuttering slightly.

Kadeem's brow is furrowed. He looks like he wants to say something else, but isn't sure. He heaves a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair.

"Um, enjoy your day, too," he says. "Maybe I'll catch up with you later... about something."

"Yeah, okay," I say, laughing nervously. I put a chipper grin back on my face before I swivel around to leave.

'Just ignore it,' I tell myself, over and over. It becomes my mantra. Ignore what he said yesterday. Ignore my own feelings. Just fucking ignore it all.

I muster a dauntless vigor for the rest of the day, taking on an overzealous cheer. I grit my teeth underneath a plastered-on smile, putting up with Sylvia's incessant complaints and never-ending groans as she desperately attempts to keep up on the inclined treadmill.

I ignore Dylan's cheerleader-like barrage of pep talks to his trainees with the zen of a Buddhist monk, and force my way past the open-mouthed stares of sweaty, muscled men whenever Greta struts by in her tightly-fitted leotard.

I announce to my devoted yogis a change for the day, whipping them into shape with a manic, Sweatin' It to the Oldies yoga-cardio hybrid, filling the studio with anthem after anthem.

As "YMCA" blares, Kadeem passes by with a half-smirk and an exaggerated eyeroll, but I restrain myself from grabbing a yoga brick and hurling it in his direction.

I'm Sister Maria, twirling on the mountain top, basking in my newfound bliss.

I wipe the sweat from my face with a towel, say goodbye to my clients, and high-five Dylan on my way to the women's locker room.

I'm turning over a new leaf, damnit!

If only.

After I change and prepare to leave for the day, I hear a deep voice behind me.

"Can I walk you out?" Kadeem materializes out of nowhere.

I scrunch up my face in disdainful confusion before I remember my mission for joy.

I swallow, forcing a smile back onto my lips. "I'd love that," I say.

Kadeem chuckles softly, fueling the embers of my vexation. It's glaringly obvious he sees through my facade - and worse yet, is amused by it.

"Let's go," I say, jutting my chin forward.

He grins and pulls the door open for me.

We step out into the evening light, still bright in the late spring. The golden rays are hot on my skin. The air is warm and fragrant with the scent of blooming flowers from the bed that wraps around the building.

We stroll the short distance to my car in uncomfortable silence. We reach it and I dig in my purse for my key, finding it hard to meet his eyes.

"Chels," Kadeem begins, as if he's struggling with what to say. His fingers rhythmically drum the glossy black paint on my van, like a ticking time bomb.

Kadeem gives me a sad sort of smile. "I figure I'll pay for this, but I'm going to tell you something anyway."

My heart feels like it stops. I stare at him, clutching my key tightly in my hand, purse pressed hard up against my chest.

"It's about the doctor," he says, eyes flickering away just for a moment. "Rayburn."