Chapter 60

Ardal

"Alright, Erbao," I whisper as I hold his hand, the dialysis machine humming beside us. The scent of sterilized medical equipment fills my nose, and I find myself gripping the edge of his bed to steady my trembling hands. "You're doing great, sweetheart."

"Thanks, Mommy," Erbao replies weakly, his brave smile not quite reaching his tired eyes. His pale complexion seems even more pronounced against the stark white hospital sheets.

I swallow hard, trying to keep my emotions in check. I know I need to be strong for my son, but the sight of him connected to the medical devices sends a cold chill down my spine. My heart aches for the innocence that has been stolen from him at such a young age.

"Hey there," Jack says softly, entering the room with a warm smile, his blond hair tousled from a long day at work. "How are you two holding up?"

"Good," Erbao chirps, his voice stronger than before. He gives Jack a little wave, attempting to mask his frailty.

"Hello, Jack," I say, forcing a smile and trying to sound casual, despite the internal war raging within me.

Since agreeing to our date this weekend, I've gone back to teetering on the edge of hesitation, my mind a whirlwind of uncertainty. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't drawn to Jack like a moth to light - the way he interacted with my children and seemed almost like he'd been placed in my life as a missing piece of a puzzle.

It should be easy to let him "click" into my life, easy to sink into the growing attraction for him.

But, something is not lining up in my heart.

I sigh softly. Why can’t I just go with the easy? Why can't I just settle for something simple and plain?

I’ve been spinning my wheels, but I think I've mustered up the courage to tell him today I'd like to cancel our date and just cool things between us. I should break off things before they get too heavy.

"Mind if I join you?" Jack asks, his blue eyes seeking permission.

"Of course not," I reply, gesturing to the empty chair beside me.

"Erbao, I brought you something," Jack says, pulling a small toy car from his pocket. "I thought it might help pass the time."

"Thanks, Dr. Rayburn," Erbao says, his eyes lighting up as he takes the toy. The sound of the tiny wheels spinning on the bed brings a momentary sense of normalcy to the room.

"Jack, about our lunch date this weekend," I begin, hesitating as I try to put my thoughts into words. "I'm not sure if..."

"Hey," Jack interrupts gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about that right now. We can talk about it later. The most important thing is Erbao."

I nod, grateful for his understanding, but the uncertainty continues to gnaw at me. As we sit there together, watching over Erbao while he plays with his new toy, I can’t help but wonder if I’m making a mistake by considering breaking things off with Jack. He's shown nothing but kindness and devotion towards me and my children, and I know that finding someone else who cares that deeply will be nearly impossible.

Yet, the undeniable pull towards Kadeem refuses to fade, and amidst the fear and heartache for Erbao’s condition, I find myself longing for the warmth and security of a love that is deep. Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to get Kadeem out of my head. After so many years of loving him and growing up together, he knows me inside out and out.

Except, of course, he doesn't anymore.

‘And he rejected you when it counted. He never really knew you,' I think, feeling a twist in my stomach.

I push the thoughts away and focus on the brave little boy lying in the hospital bed, determined to give him the strength and support he needs to face the challenges ahead, and as Erbao's laughter fills the air, I force myself to believe, however briefly, that everything will work out in the end.

A knock on the door shakes me from my rumination.

“Hello, everybody.” A young woman enters the room with a bright smile. “Are you Erbao?”

Erbao nods quietly.

“I’m Leah,” she says, then turns to me. “And Mom, what’s your name?”

“Chelsea,” I say, shaking her hand.

“I’m a child life specialist,” she says, setting down a basket of toys. “My job is to help kids and families cope through hospitalizations or medical treatment. For Erbao,” she says, her eyes meeting his, “That means some playtime. Could I hang out with you for a bit," she asks him. "I brought some things with me. Even a tablet with some games,” she says, pulling it out of the basket.

Erbao's eyes widen and he sits up straighter. “Yeah!"

His carefree excitement momentarily pushes all of my rain clouds away.

As Erbao and Leah settle in, Jack looks over at me. “This may be a good time to get some things together for Erbao. Would you come to my office for a few minutes?”

I watch my son, happily chattering and playing with Leah. “Hey buddy,” I say. “Is it alright if I go with Dr. Rayburn? It won't be long.”

Erbao grins widely, nodding without hesitation.

Jack bends down, tucking a blanket around Erbao's small frame. “I’ll see you next week, okay?”

“Okay,” Erbao smiles, as Jack ruffles his hair.

As Jack turns to face me, I catch a glimmer of affection in his eyes for Erbao and my heart skips a beat. I find myself questioning my thoughts of breaking up with him. Maybe there’s more to this man than I’ve given him credit for.

I wave at Leah, and follow Jack out into the hall to his office, my heart fluttering with uncertainty.

When he takes his seat at his desk, I linger for just a second in the doorway. I decide to leave the door ajar to help break the heavy tension of attraction I feel in the air between us. I sit down nervously in the chair across from him.

"Alright, Chelsea," he says in a solemn, but gentle tone.

There's a determined expression on his handsome face that shoots adrenaline into my veins.

"I have some news for you."

My stomach lurches. “God, please tell me, it’s not bad news.”

“It’s not bad,” he says quickly, seeing the look of panic on my face. "Sorry, I should have led with that." He offers me an apologetic smile.

I sigh audibly, feeling the relief flood me.

“First thing,” he says. “I think we can get Erbao set up for peritoneal dialysis, meaning, he could do this at home, instead. A home environment is usually going to be the least stressful for the child, but there are pros and cons to it, like anything.”

I furrow my brow. “Like what?”

“Well, it’ll be on your own schedule, and you can take the machine with you if you’re traveling. Plus, this form of dialysis is also more gentle on the body, especially the heart.”

“That’s what we’ll do then," I say, immediately. "It’s not even a question."

Jack smiles at me. “I figured as much. The hard thing is that you’ll be doing it all, Chelsea. There won’t be a nurse or medical tech there with you. There will be someone you can call, 24/7, if you need, but it’s a matter of - can you manage it on your own?”

I grit my teeth. “I’ll figure it out,” I say, feeling the fear brewing in my stomach. Though intimated, I'm resolute. “You’ll teach me what I need to know?”

“Of course - and, you have my number, too, if you need anything, okay? I'm here for you.” Jack gives me a reassuring smile.

My nerves are getting the best of me, but I muster up a small grin in response. “Thanks," I say earnestly.

“Erbao will need a catheter placed in his abdomen," Jack says, in a cautious tone.

My mouth goes dry.

“I know,” he says, seeing my reaction. “But, it’ll mean no more needles. That’s the good part. The downside is, taking some precautions to prevent infection.”

“Like what,” I ask, biting my lip.

“No baths,” he says. “He’ll need to take showers instead, and no going for a swim out at the lake or river. We’ll go over all the details more, though.”

I look down at my clenched fists. A wave of despair washes over me. Erbao's life is being reshaped beyond recognition and it feels so unfair.

“Second thing,” Jack says, clearing his throat. “Let’s get some of your tests knocked out today, and get the rest scheduled soon.”

“To see if I’m compatible?”

“Right. We’ll get you one step closer to the transplant - and putting all of this behind you.”

I nod. “Yes. That’s all I want.”

Jack picks up his glasses from the desk. “First part’s the easiest. Just some bloodwork.” He opens up his laptop. “I’m going to put the orders in right now, and then you can head over to the lab.” He scrolls around with his computer mouse, and starts clicking on the keyboard. “You know where that is? Third floor.”

“What other kinds of tests will you be doing?”

He glances at me. “After the bloodwork? We’ll need an EKG of your heart, a chest x-ray for your lungs, a psychological evaluation -”

“Really,” I interject.

“Really,” he smiles, and starts typing again. “A gynecological exam and a CT scan.”

“It sounds really thorough,” I say, with a sinking feeling. It will be a lengthier process than I had hoped, and it makes me realize being a match for Erbao is way more complicated than I'd thought.

My heartbeat quickens. What if I'm not a match? I feel my chest tighten. My eyes focus on the diplomas hung on his wall as I try to fight back the tears forming.

All set,” he says, closing the laptop with a decisive snap. He leans over to grab a sticky pad and scribbles something on it. When he does, something catches my eye - a silver cross necklace around his neck. Not the kind of thing I’d expect him, or most Werewolves to wear.

Jack quickly tucks it back into his shirt and looks up at me. “I think we’ve got a solid plan in place.” He stands up. “And about lunch this weekend,” he says. “It’s okay if you’ve changed your mind.”

My fingers nervously twist the hem of my shirt. I think back to his gentle interaction with Erbao. “No,” I say. “I want to go.”

“Good,” he says, walking around his desk to stand next to me. “I’ve been thinking about you. A lot.” He hesitates, then slowly takes my hand.