Chapter 116

When Erbao's eyes flicker open, my heart races with joy. The first thing he takes in is me sitting next to him as I smooth his hair, then his eyes widen as he spots Kadeem sitting in the corner of the room.

"You're here," he croaks excitedly.

Kadeem smiles broadly and brings his chair over to the other side of Erbao's bed. "I'm here," he says, warmly. "It's so good to see you awake."

And it truly is a beautiful sight.

Kadeem's beta meets him in the lobby with our essentials and I'm ecstatic to have a change of clothes and a toothbrush in my possession.

In between vitals and the physician rounds, we talk through what happened while Erbao was unconscious, doing our best to explain it all clearly, but as gently as we can.

Thankfully, all the doctors and nurses are very kind to him, especially Dr. Nguyen, Erbao's nephrologist.

Dr. Nguyen looks like he can't be more than 20. Obviously, he's not - Doogie Howser-esque possibilities aside - but there's certainly a youth about him. He's peppy, with twinkling eyes, and a wiry frame that he stays in constant motion. He swivels around on the rolling stool in the room, making silly jokes with us before getting down to business.

"So Erbao," he says cheerfully, "It looks like you're doing much better than we initially expected. We're going to need to keep an eye on your progress, but I'm guessing you'll be out of the ICU soon, and back home within a few days."

Erbao's face clouded slightly. "Does that mean I'll have to go back to school soon?"

Dr. Nguyen bursts into a deep chuckle. "Ah, yes, forgive me for that, friend," he says with a wide grin. "Let's see how you do. I'm confident you'll be able to go back in a week or so, but of course, I need you to take it easy at first. No running marathons or lifting heavy weights," he teases.

He turns to me. "Mom, I'll be following up with him after, and before he goes home, we'll run through the changes I'm going to make to his plan of care at home with his dialysis, meds, and diet."

My stomach tightens just a bit. I wish going home for Erbao meant truly falling back into a normal life - not more complicated management of his kidney health.

The next day, Erbao is transferred to the general pediatric wing.

I finally call Julia. Both of us sob like babies. We don’t mention my vampire bite or the argument, and as I step back into Erba’s room, the phone pressed against my ear, she simply asks how she can help.

"Oh, I don't know," I stammer. "I don't guess there's anything..."

"Give me that," Kadeem says, wolfish hearing picking up the conversation.

He snatches the phone out of my hand and puts it on speaker. "I'm sending your friend home soon," he says, with a hint of irritation in his voice that he's always reserved just for Julia.

"Will you drive into town to help out with the kids,” he asks. “I'm sure Hannah needs to go at some point, and Ardal needs proper sleep."

There's a slight gasp on the other end of the phone, and then a pause before Julia responds.

Kadeem's smirk emerges, his dimples accentuating his devilishness, though they also make me weak-kneed. His bemused eyes sparkle at me.

Bastard.

I narrow my eyes at him but he's clearly still marinating in the pleasure of being able to shock Julia and irritate me.

"Um, yeah," she spits out finally. "Give me an hour to get ready and then I'll hit the road."

I attempt to interject, but Kadeem jumps in before I can, spouting quickly, "Thanks, Jules," before abruptly hanging up and laughing.

I yank my phone back out of his grasp. "Was that really necessary?"

He grins. "Which part?"

"You know what you did," I answer sternly, crossing my arms. " Besides, who says I'm even going home?"

"It's okay, Mom," Erbao pipes up, eyes fixed on SpongeBob playing on the TV screen mounted against the wall. "I'll be okay," he says.

His grown-up independence prompts a bittersweet surge of emotion within me, though I manage to give him a smile.

Kadeem raises his eyebrows. "See? We men can amuse ourselves. You check on the other monsters, take a shower, and get tipsy with Julia."

Actually, that doesn't sound too bad at all.

Car-less since I was thrown into the ambulance with Erbao, when it's time for me to leave, Kadeem hands me his car keys.

Erbao rattles off all the things he wants me to return with: his tablet and charger, a little stuffed wolf that I thought he had outgrown, and something that Kadeem and I both chuckle at - his sunglasses. Those aviators give me flashes of Snoopy's Joe Cool every time he wears them.

I bend down to kiss his forehead, glancing up apprehensively at Kadeem who is watching us both.

He flashes me a soft smile. It seems we're both in the same boat, wanting to kiss goodbye, but unsure if we should show any affection in front of one of the kids.

I feel like I'm taking a risk by letting the quints in on our relationship, especially given the fact that neither Kadeem nor I really know the terms of it yet. And of course, at this point, they also don’t know Kadeem’s their dad.

"I'll be right back," Kadeem says, gently patting Erbao's leg.

We step outside together, drawing the glass door closed and walking, hopefully, just out of sight, to the left of Erbao’s room.

Kadeem draws me into an embrace - touching for the first time since Erbao awoke. A relief washes over me, like two magnets that can finally join.

"Try to catch up on sleep," he murmurs in my ear. He pulls back just enough to kiss me, his lips soft against mine, and I wish we weren't surrounded by a hospital wing full of people.

He exhales. "Whenever you get back," he says, "I'll have to leave."

I can tell by the tension in his voice that he's not leaving for his own catch-up on rest.

"What's wrong," I ask hesitantly.

"Werewolf stuff," he says. His face takes on that hardened mask he puts on when he's keeping something from me.

My heart sinks, worry pooling into my stomach. "Do you need to go now," I offer quickly. "I can -"

"No," he says, cutting me off. "I told Riley to take care of things for me at the moment." His expression warms. "Don't rush back up here tomorrow. I'm just giving you a heads up so you won't be caught off-guard."

I frown, remembering his last urgent call for Were duty. "Ticked off, you mean?"

"That too," he smiles.

"I wouldn't have been upset," I say. "You've done so much. It's been great for Erbao to have you here, and I don't know how I would have managed without you."

Kadeem reaches out to tuck my hair behind my ear. "You've been holding your own for a long time," he says, "Raising five kids, dealing with all this medical stuff. I think you're amazing."

Heat creeps up my cheeks and I direct my eyes down to the embarrassing yellow Crocs I jumped into the night of Erbao's emergency.

"Yup, just call me supermom," I snort bitterly, my stomach twisting with guilt as the words escape my mouth. "Keeping your kids from you and even-" I gulp as I force the rest out, "Switching the DNA results on you."

I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing a sinkhole would open up beneath me.

Kadeem shifts his weight, his hand falling from my hair to rest gently on my shoulder. "Funny thing," he says. "I had that test redone."

Dumbfounded, I shoot my eyes open to look at him. "You did?"

He nods. "I suspected something was off even before my memories came back." A smile tugs at the corners of his lips, "So, I knew the kids were mine - ours - for a while."

I shake my head, incredulous, the words tumbling from my mouth without warning. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

He pauses a moment, like he's weighing his words before answering. "You went through a lot of trouble to hide it from me," he says, finally. "I just wanted to confirm the truth for myself. And well, there was a bit of hubris involved, too."

Kadeem chuckles softly. "Even before I figured out who you were, I was pretty confident in my ability to charm you eventually. I figured it would all come out in the wash."

"Charm me? Please," I huff.

He grins. "Didn't I, though?"

A nurse nods to us as she approaches Erbao's room, thrusts her hands under an automated hand sanitizer machine, and slides open the door.

"How you doing, Mister," I hear her say to him.

I look up at Kadeem, trying to fight past the tightness in my chest. "And you're not angry with me? You don't feel... cheated?" I barely squeak out that last word.

There’s a red gummy bear, smushed against the rubber floorboard. It stands out against the otherwise spotless, white tile. I smash it down further with the toe of my Croc.

Kadeem furrows his brow. "I blame myself for losing those years with them - and with you." His face grows more somber. "Susan merits some responsibility, too, but ultimately, the dominoes fell because of me."

I shake my head. "I should have handled it better. If I could rewind things, I would." My eyes start to well up, the regret seizing me.

"Yeah, same here," he says. "But this is what we have. And it's a second chance I never deserved."

The smell of food wafts through the air as a cart trolleys through, somewhere further down the hall. Erbao will be happy. He ordered a hamburger. I didn’t tell him it’s actually a turkey burger - renal friendly.

"Or me," I whisper.

He's quiet for a moment. A young couple rushes past us toward a room a few doors down from Erbao's.

"Either way," Kadeem says. "I'm just grateful." He reaches for my hand.

I swallow. "Just so we're clear, no matter what happens between me and you, I'm not going to get in the way of you and the kids again."

He interlocks his fingers with mine. "Thank you," he says, "But I'm not worried about things between you and me. I'm not going to fuck up again and lose you." His eyes study me. "As long as I'm... what you want?"

A flood of emotion rushes through me as I take in his vulnerable question, the usual arrogance and bravado gone.

He's standing almost naked, risking hurt, allowing me to witness the insecurity glistening in his gaze.

We both stand defenseless in this moment, but something deep in me holds against my fragile response - that feeling I've had ever since I survived the silver poisoning in May.

"Oh Deem," I say, sighing as I squeeze his hand, going the decidedly less vulnerable route - though, nonetheless true. "Many a night I would have sold my own soul, for you not to be exactly what I want."

He laughs and pulls me in for another kiss. "You and me, both.”