Chapter 114

I’m hastily ushered from the packed Emergency Room lobby to a smaller waiting area - stationing me in a kind of alcove within a long hallway.

Although the hall is a separate wing in the ER and isolated from all the patient rooms and nursing stations, none of the bustling activity is fully dampened, leaving me exposed to its sights and sounds.

I hug my head in anguish and listen as beeps echo, phones ring, sneakers squeak across tiles, voices fill the air with overhead paging, and carts trundle down the hallways. An unpleasant stench of bleach, blood and sickness assaults my senses. My own shirt smells of vomit. It's stained brown and it's still wet.

A baby cries nearby, evoking a twinge of sorrow within me. With trembling hands, I reach for my phone. No signal. Good thing I was in my right mind to call Hannah and Kadeem right away.

Two people sit nearby in this space of suffering with me: an ashen-faced woman clad in blood-splattered jeans and a bandaged arm - her eyes fixed in a silent scream; and a middle-aged man who stands up abruptly to purchase something from the vending machine. He furiously hits it when his snack fails to be dispensed, then finally collects a candy bar that falls to the bottom.

How could anyone think of eating? My stomach roils with nausea at the sound of him unwrapping it, then chewing it. The smell of chocolate seems pungent and I bury my face back into my hands, trying not to gag.

My thoughts feel disjointed, my senses overwhelmed, and time distorted beyond recognition. Have I been here for days or moments? I don't know.

I hear the sound of doors bursting open and all three of us in the room jolt to attention. It's a male nurse and Kadeem is following him a few steps behind.

He rushes past the nurse and wraps me up in his arms. He doesn't ask me what happened. He just holds me. I breathe in his scent. Despite his warmth, I remain tense - muscles rigid and unable to calm, but his arms still feel like a life preserve.

He holds me like this for a while, until the door opens again and we all snap our heads up.

"Reed?"

The man with the candy bar bolts upright from his seat. A doctor in scrubs gently guides him out of the room and further down the hallway to an empty corner. I hear him let out a wail before they disappear through another set of doors. My eyes flicker to his empty candy wrapper in the trash.

"Patel?"

The woman with blood stumbles up at once. The staff member coming from the other end of the hall motions her forward with bright eyes and a strained smile. "She's awake," he whispers. "You can go see her."

As the door swings back open for them to go through, the overwhelming sound of beeping, footsteps, and phones echoes loudly off the walls. Then the doors close, slightly muffling the vile cacophony again.

Kadeem and I look at each other. I see the dread I feel reflected back in his eyes.

"Hopefully not too much longer," he says quietly.

My stomach twists in anticipation of what news I’ll receive when they call my name. Nauseous and clammy, I fight the urge to be sick.

"You okay?"

I shake my head and start to heave. Kadeem grabs a waste basket, holding it under me just in time to catch my vomit. Tears well up in my eyes as he pulls back my hair and I hug the trashcan to my chest. I pant over it, waiting to wretch again, but eventually nothing comes.

Kadeem looks around and spots a box of tissues. He gently removes the receptacle from my hands, trading it for the tissues. I pull some out and wipe my mouth.

I feel shaky and alert, now. Kadeem takes one of my sweaty hands, and I stare at the door. What is happening on the other side?

"He told me he felt sick," I say.

Kadeem turns to me. "Erbao?"

"He said he felt sick and his legs felt weak. He came into my room. I had just turned off the light to go to sleep."

It makes me ache to remember it. Even in the darkness, he looked pale.

"I got up as fast as I could. I didn't even bother to turn the lamp back on. He threw up just as I got to him, and he was breathing so fast. I thought that was because he was nauseous."

Kadeem nods slowly.

"But then he just collapsed, and I tried to wake him up, and I shouted his name, but he was just there on the floor, not moving."

Kadeem stares into my eyes.

"I called for help, and they told me to check his breathing, but he wasn't breathing, and his face was turning blue. I put them on speaker and the man on the phone told me how to do CPR, and I've taken classes as a personal trainer - and I think I even have a stupid card in my wallet saying I can do it - but I couldn't even think, and I don't know if I was doing it right."

The collar of my shirt feels wet and I realize I'm crying.

"When they got there, he still wasn't breathing, and I thought he was dead."

I bite my lip, trying to hold back a sob. My chest heaves as Kadeem squeezes my hand.

"They had a defibrillator and they restarted his heart, but he didn't wake up - and why is this taking so long?" My voice cracks again as I struggle with my grief.

Kadeem pulls me to him, and I bury my face in him, my tears soaking his shirt.

"You've been very brave," he says. "They're taking care of him now." He smooths back my hair. "I'll get up and see what I can find out, okay? They should be keeping you posted - and I don't mind getting mean about it."

He runs his fingers through my hair again before he gets up and opens the set of doors leading to the medical area, ignoring a sign that says it's for authorized personnel only.

More time passes. I don't know how long. Another person is brought back to the waiting room with me. The fluorescent light bulbs penetrate my eyes like shards of glass. There are goosebumps on my arms. Finally so restless, I stand and begin to pace.

When the doors reopen, Kadeem walks back in first, followed by a woman in green scrubs who lingers in the doorway.

"Ms. Wilde," she says.

I manage to walk to her, though I'm shaking. She tells me her name, but I don't hear it. My eyes are locked on her name badge and I barely make out “Dr.,” inscribed on it, but I can’t read the rest. Everything is a foggy haze.

Kadeem is at my side - holding me up in more ways than one. He registers something I don't hear, turning to me and standing more upright.

A baby’s cry pierces the air again.

"What," I choke out. My heart is pounding in my chest.

"He's alright," the doctor says.

The world seems to come back into focus. I gulp down air. I finally look at the doctor's face and really see her. She has hazel eyes.

He’s alright.