Chapter 111

Kadeem

Kadeem slung his keys onto the sideboard.

"Hey," he said, greeting Mateo, who was nestled in front of the glowing TV screen, transfixed by cable news.

Mateo shook himself out of his trance and answered, "Hey."

Kadeem's gaze drifted around the dim room, lit only by the light of the television. He took in the large stone hearth, the rich leather furniture, the window of green plants that Mateo had brought in after he came to stay with Kadeem, and then the empty, large farmhouse table.

His eyes paused over the table for a moment, picturing the seats filled with the children he could now, truly love and hold as his.

"There's some chicken breast and carrots leftover," Mateo said. "I wrapped them up and put them on the bottom shelf of the fridge."

"Thanks," Kadeem said, "But I already ate." He switched on one of the table lamps and let out a sigh. No sign of Susan. She must have wandered up to rest in Kadeem’s guest room.

Mateo clicked off the news. "I think I've found a place to stay," he said.

"Oh yeah?" Kadeem fell into his leather wingback.

"Downtown loft," Mateo said. "Very swanky. Doorman and everything."

Kadeem raised an eyebrow and leaned forward to scoop up the folded newspaper on the coffee table. "Sounds expensive."

"Well," Mateo huffed, "Maybe I don't own the most luxurious and popular health club in the city, but my practice has grown by leaps and bounds."

"Good for you," Kadeem said, finding Mateo's eyes and smiling over the top of the newspaper.

Mateo crossed one leg over the over. "Of course," he said. "I will miss your ten-acre cabin oasis." His eyes surveyed the space with a bit of longing.

Kadeem turned the page, scanning an article about the drought, and gave a one-shouldered shrug. "It's worth the bit of a drive, isn't it?"

Mateo put his hands behind his head and leaned back against the couch. "I'll miss the company, too."

Kadeem looked up and grinned. "At the risk of sounding Hallmark, I'll miss you, too. I don't think I realized before, how empty this place is with just me. I just came from Ardal's," he added. "It seems especially empty in comparison to her busy little home."

"Oh, do tell," Mateo said, dropping his arms and leaning forward. "You finally faced your fears, hmm? I hope she took it well after you avoided her for months!" Mateo tilted his head and gave Kadeem a little, 'I told you so,' kind of look.

Kadeem flashed a sheepish smile. "She took it really well," he said, thinking about the contrast between Ardal tonight and Ardal five months ago. There was little sign of that internally conflicted young woman who'd strapped him on to an emotional roller coaster with her, as the pair fought their attraction to each other, beneath the weight of their complicated, shared history.

"And," Kadeem said. "I finally told her."

Mateo's eyes widened. "That you remember her?"

Kadeem nodded and laid the paper back down onto the tabletop.

"Then you really can rebuild and move forward," Mateo said. "Well done." He smiled, but then his expression fell.

"What's wrong with you now," Kadeem asked, noticing the sudden change in Mateo's demeanor.

Mateo shook his head. "Nothing. I'm really happy for you."

Before Kadeem could press him further, Susan slinked into the room dressed in a silken bathrobe.

"I thought I heard your voice down here," she purred. "Come upstairs with me?"

Kadeem bit his lip, avoiding Mateo's death glare as they ascended the stairs.

"What do you want," Kadeem asked tentatively as they reached the loft.

"You, of course," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close.

Kadeem suppressed a groan. "Susan," he began, before pausing, as he tried to remain stoic about the uncomfortable closeness of her to him. "We talked about this. I need some time to -"

She cut him off mid-sentence and flashed him an innocent smile. "And I've given you time," she said. "And you can take more time, if that's what you want. Right now, what I'm asking for his very simple - and it doesn't involve any commitment."

She kissed him, her lips warm and wet - her hand immediately straying south.

Kadeem pulled away before she could reach his belt buckle. "No," he said firmly.

Her expression was every bit as enraged as the jilted lover she seemed to have painted herself as. "What? But I thought you'd want to just -"

"Well, you thought wrong," Kadeem said through gritted teeth. He wished he were a million miles away.

"You're a man, aren't you? What's wrong with some unattached sex?"

An image of Susan trying the same line on his uncle made Kadeem's stomach churn with revulsion and rage. He clenched his fists into balls. He knew if he didn't get away soon, he'd do something he'd regret later.

He met her gaze coolly and drawled: “It's still a shade too fast for me after your antics last year.” He raised an eyebrow slowly, daring her to deny it.

She shook her head. "I already told you, I was just afraid of losing you. I'd do anything for you, Kadeem -"

"Alright, alright," he said, brushing back his hair as he cut her off. He tried to steady his anger.

She responded by shoving her body against his.

"Don't you care anything about me at all," she said, staring into his eyes, as though searching him. "We spent years together - happy."

A surge of anger rushed through Kadeem like wildfire, making it difficult to keep his composure as he remembered all the happy years with Ardal and the kids that had been stolen from him, because of this woman standing before him now. He grunted an unintelligible response, unable to spit out a single word in the midst of the overwhelming recognition of her destruction.

She clutched his shirt, her fingers twisting around the fabric. Her natural musk was light and pleasant, but she wore too much perfume. Its jasmine notes were cloying and he wanted to break away. Was playing her game really worth this misery?

"I've missed you," she murmured. And there was a look on her face that told him this much might be true, but who knew with Susan?

He had once thought he glimpsed the real her - her fragile, scared interior, still raw and plainly visible beneath a thin veneer of sultry confidence and charm. And, she'd been there for him in his marital strife and troubles as a newlywed to Ardal, but stepping back now, he saw the way she'd helped planted the seeds of the demise of his marriage long before it actually fell apart.

The vulnerable young woman he'd thought he'd seen - perhaps, that too, was just another funhouse mirror.

Over time, she'd become hidden under more and more highly constructed layers. Who has the real Susan? Was there anything below the layers of blush and lipstick, the done-up curls and costume pearls? Or was it all just a house of cards?

He wanted to tear back the false fronts, find that girl he'd thought he used to know, and shake her. But there were so many tangled webs of lies, artful facades, and coy games, no matter how hard he tried, he knew there was no way to find her.

"Please," Susan said, puckering her bottom lip slightly, just before she pressed her mouth to his neck. He closed his eyes as she kissed him.