Chapter 107

Ardal

We spend the rest of the evening together in the living room before it’s time to send the quints to bed. It takes quite a bit of cajoling, but Kadeem helps get them to comply with my marching orders. Eventually, their teeth are brushed and pajamas are on.

“Are you spending the night with us,” Lottie asks, holding her teddy bear against her chest. “Dr. Jack used to.”

I feel the heat creep up my cheeks, but Kadeem doesn’t bat an eye.

“No,” he says gently. “I have to go home in a little bit. I’m going to talk to your mommy and then I have to go to bed, too.”

“You’ll come back, though,” Ezra asks. His voice is small and cautious.

Kadeem glances at me. “As long as that’s okay with your mom.”

I purse my lips. “We’ll see,” I say, rising from the couch. “It’s time to go to sleep.”

The kids grumble. Kadeem stands and claps Milo and Ezra on the back. “Come on fellas,” he says, leading them to their beds. To her delight, he picks up Lottie. “Let’s go,” he says, with all his personal trainer enthusiasm, herding them down the hall. I start to follow, but sit back down on the couch, and let him tuck them in, instead.

I put my head in my hands and try to think of how to get out what I need to say. I have to work at keeping my breathing steady, but I’m beginning to feel jittery and sick.

When Kadeem strides back alone, my heart gives a jolt. Worse yet, he sits right next to me on the couch, sending sparks of electricity through my veins.

“Chelsea,” “Kadeem,” we both say at the same time.

Kadeem chuckles. “You start,” he says.

I shake my head. “I can’t,” I croak out. All my courage was flattened thinner than a crepe.

Kadeem takes a breath. “Okay, I will.” He drums his fingers against his leg and then he leans back against the sofa cushion.

I pivot to face him and he looks at me. “First and foremost, I have to apologize for dropping off without a word. I told myself that if you ever contacted me, then I would explain and make amends, but I didn't hear from you either, so I used that as an excuse to pretend like nothing was wrong.

“So why did you… not talk to me?”

His head drops. “I… Things just felt really heavy. It was -“ his voice breaks suddenly and he sighs, becoming visibly frustrated. “I don’t know where to begin. The entire situation in May was... too much. I’m angry with you for believing all the bullshit that guy was feeding you and for going off with him alone in the woods. I'm angry at myself for going along with it, too and putting you and the kids in danger."

His face hardens. "And then seeing you so hurt like that... dying in front of me and the kids - you can't even imagine what that was like. I've never felt so helpless in all my life."

Kadeem’s face twists with emotion as he speaks. “And then I feel haunted by the decision to let that vampire bite you, not actually knowing what would happen - just feeling my way, blindly, towards some irrational instinct or pure, dumb luck. It makes me sick just remembering.”

His eyes fall to my neck. I immediately feel naked and cover it with my hair.

“I’ve had nightmares, again, and again about it," he says. "Reliving it, and also, frequently, dreaming that it didn’t play out the way it did - that you died in my arms, instead, or that I let you become some monster I had to stake.”

I shudder at his words. My eyes fall to a small tear in the faux leather fabric of the couch. I trace it with my finger, feeling the soft sheet of cotton exposed by the rip in the pleather.

“You didn’t deserve for me to just take off after,” Kadeem says. “But I didn’t know what to do.”

I lift my chin and raise my eyes to meet his. It’s not the kind of thing Kadeem ever admits to. His face is creased in sadness and some embarrassment. He waits in trepidation for me to respond.

“And how do you feel now,” I ask. I pull my legs up on the couch and hug them against my chest, wanting to curl into a ball. I tuck my chin to my knees and keep my eyes on him warily.

“Same as I always have,” he says. “Sick in love with you.”

My breath catches and I fight off tears stinging at the corner of my eyes. Kadeem notes my reaction with a wry smile.

“Don’t look so happy about it,” he teases, reaching over to take one of my hands.

I let his strong hand envelop mine, feeling the warmth of it. He makes me feel safe and loved. How easily I could lose myself in him again!

Kadeem's expression darkens and I feel the mood shift in the room. The shadows cast by the floor lamp seem to lengthen across the wall.

“I have to tell you one other thing,” he says. His voice is grim and he lets out a small sigh. “Susan has sort of re-entered the picture.”

My stomach plummets, like I’ve just been tossed down a dark well. I pull my hand away. “What do you mean?”

Kadeem grits his teeth. “Let’s just call it a necessary evil. But in short, she has an agenda and I’m playing along.”

“Playing along, how,” I ask slowly.

“She’s been staying with me for the last couple of days and I’m letting her think there’s some hope for us as a couple.”

I gulp, trying hard to hide my shock. “But you’re definitely not a couple. Right?”

Kadeem frowns and looks away. “I may have led her to believe we are.”

I wince. Outside, a neighbor's dog begins to bark.

“We haven’t slept together,” he says immediately. “And I can’t stomach the ruse for long. We’re talking, maybe the rest of the week under this false front,” he says gruffly.

I push myself back against the couch. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.” My voice comes out in a hoarse whisper.

Kadeem glances out the window at the direction of the barking dog. “She showed up at my house in the middle of the night. Rather than choking her out," he says, the anger deepening his voice, "I decided to go with her stupid game."

He pauses and a look of disgust comes over his face. "She’s been sleeping with my uncle,” he says, “And I think either she wants to use me for revenge, or they’ve concocted something together.” He sighs and pushes back his hair. “I don’t know. My life gets complicated, and frankly, I let it get worse. I just wanted to tell you so you wouldn’t find out and get the wrong idea.”

I try to process it, but I begin to stew instead. What if she seduces him? What if he subconsciously wants her, so he chose to go along with this plan? What’s going to happen when I tell him who I am? When he knows - and then remembers how much he hates me - will that push him back to her arms?

“Where’d you go,” he asks, putting a hand on my knee to nudge me back into reality. I realize I've been staring off into space.

“I’m here,” I say.

“Well, I’ve confessed everything to you,” he says. “You’re up to bat."