Chapter 105

Ardal

The bell on the door chimes as I step inside the shadowy occult shop. The fragrance of juniper incense hits me, making my heart speed a little as I remember the juniper bush in the forest. I swallow nervously and try to ignore the feeling of unease.

"Hey Bernard," I say, removing my sunglasses. It takes a second for my eyes to readjust from the bright sunshine to the dim, crowded room made dimmer by the haze of the incense smoke.

"Well, hello there." The white-haired man looks up from a box of palo santo sticks and bundles of eucalyptus leaves and other herbs. "Back for more, eh? Or something new this time, perhaps?"

"Same old, same old," I say.

He nods and pulls down a stack of books from a shelf behind the counter. "Plenty more to choose from," he says, spreading them out on the countertop for me to parse through. "Funny how popular this subject has grown. I may move these out with the rest of the books." His eyes flicker to the large bookcase in the corner of the room next to a shelf of amulets and charms.

I settle on a small paperback called, Rune Magic, and hand him my credit card with trepidation. It's the last one I haven't maxed out. He gives me an appraising look before swiping it and handing it back to me with a receipt.

As soon as I push open the door back into the morning sun, I'm relieved to be free of the juniper smell, and take a breath of the city air - a non-triggering mix of gasoline fumes, something rotten from the trash can nearby, and the smell of food from a restaurant further up the block.

I linger for a few minutes outside the shop and flip through the book. Without Jack to ask, I've been trying to learn as much as I can about runes.

Whatever he did - however he did it - it obviously saved me. Although the idea of feeding Erbao to a vampire is unnerving to say the least, it feels like a viable option now - if only I could learn how to do what he did.

Because I'm limited money-wise, I've been buying one at a time in hopes that maybe in just one of them, I'll find the answers I need. Unfortunately, the books are pretty vague, but if I can just gain some insight, maybe I'll have a fighting chance at saving Erbao.

"Chelsea!"

I look up to see Dylan smiling and waving across the street. I groan internally, grit my teeth and wave back. He hesitates, like he wants to cross the street to talk to me, but as he's about to, a group of motorcycles comes roaring by, and I dash off around the corner, breathing a sigh of relief when I'm safely behind the building.

I tuck the book in my bag and begin my walk home through the alleyway where I can stay hidden. It's just me and the occasional trash truck or feral cat back here.

A gnawing worry claws at me. What if I never figure out how to recreate Jack's magic? The other option is to confess to Kadeem that he's the kids' father and ask him to donate one of his kidneys, but that sends me into a cold sweat almost as much as the thought of a vampire biting Erbao.

The kids have a half-day at school, so I pick them up at noon. We eat sandwiches out on the lawn. Lottie brings her teddy bear and pretends to feed him bites of her potato chips. Milo attempts to go for fourths on chocolate chip cookies, but I playfully smack his hand away.

Silas and Ezra toss a ball back and forth, while Erbao and I spread out on the old sheet I laid on the ground for our picnic. We peer up at the blue sky.

"Look Mom, it's a wolf," Erbao says, pointing up.

I squint until I see it - a lone gray cloud in the shape of a howling wolf. "It sure is," I chuckle.

From behind us, Lottie begins to hum, before breaking into a soft song, her girlish voice just above a whisper. "If you go out in the woods today, you'd better not go alone. It's lovely out in the woods today, but safer to stay alone."

Teddy Bear Picnic shouldn't send a shiver down my spine, but it does. I put my head behind my hands and try to push my focus back to the sky. I find Abraham Lincoln, before the wind blows him more into the shape of a lamb.

"Why hasn't Kadeem come to see us?" Erbao's question stabs me in the chest. His gaze doesn't shift from the sky above us, but I can still see the hurt in his brown eyes.

An anger starts to churn in my stomach. Forget about me - he shouldn't be avoiding the kids. Not after all they went through that night together.

I scramble to think of a reasonable excuse, something to make it okay. "Kadeem is Alpha, after all. He has a lot going on that the rest of us will never know about, I'm sure."

Erbao nods solemnly and lets out a soft sigh.

I'm thankful my kids were strong enough to overcome that night's horrors quickly, even if I'm still struggling with its aftermath. And although my mounting credit card debt will undoubtedly take its toll, me being there for them more often, instead of cheering clients on in the gym, has been a blessing, and I think, probably helped them to recover more fully.

Erbao's question sticks with me. The fact that Kadeem hasn't checked on the kids is partially my fault. He doesn't know they're his to check on.

When I hook Erbao up to the dialysis machine later that day, I make up my mind. No matter the consequence, I have to tell him the truth.

After I drop the kids off at school the next morning, I glance in the rearview mirror. Do I look okay? I'm in the middle of smoothing my hair down before I chide myself for it. That's the last thing that matters, jeez. Still, I don't know what to do with my nervous energy.

I take a deep breath. Kadeem is likely at the health club. The last thing I want is to walk through those doors and see everyone I've been avoiding, but I force myself to head that direction anyway.

As I enter the health club, the scent of sweat and chlorine invades my nostrils. I feel a pang of anxiety in my chest. Someone I don't know, a red-haired guy with freckles, is manning the front desk.

I walk past him without checking and he calls out to stop me, when Greta appears from around the corner.

"Chelsea," she says, a surprised smile on her face. She waves me over and reassures the new staff member its okay.

She tucks a clipboard underneath her arm. "How've you been?"

"Good," I say a little too quickly. I nervously twist a ponytail around my wrist. Even though Greta's in spandex, as usual, around her bombshell beauty, I manage to feel underdressed and I wish I had thrown on something other than a short-sleeved cardigan, jean shorts, and Birkenstocks. "I'm just looking for Kadeem," I say, scanning for him around the corner where his office is.

"He's around here somewhere," she laughs, and I force a fake laugh with her before I manage to escape.

The gym is bustling with people, and I can't see Kadeem anywhere. I walk past the treadmills and weight machines, scanning the rooms for any sign of him.

Finally I spot him in the corner of the boxing room, talking to a group of men. My heart pounds.

Although I freeze in place and don't make a sound, Kadeem looks up, no doubt catching my scent. I see him tense instantly and I start to panic.

What am I doing here?

I spin around just as our eyes and rush out to the lobby.

"I'm leaving," I announce sarcastically to the red-haired man. I know it's unfair to be irritated that he tried to stop me from coming in, but the barb slips out in my anxious state.

I dodge a group of older women I recognize as members of the aquatics class, huddled around the front desk. One of the women opens her mouth to say hello.

'Please don't try to talk to me,' I pray silently, lowering my eyes, and continuing to head toward the door.

It's all I can do not to break into a run. Just as I'm about to pull off a successful escape, a hand catches my shoulder and brings me to an abrupt halt.