Chapter 66

“It wasn’t what it looked like,” I said on reflex.

“You said before what you felt for Julian wasn’t serious,” he said.

“It’s not.”

Nicholas crossed his arms. His jaw tightened and he didn’t say anything else.

I didn’t know what else to say, how to ease his worries, than to tell him the truth. “Julian saved me from you father.”

Nicholas’s enter focus zeroed in on me. All emotion vanished. He looked me over as if looking for injury, then spoke fiercely, “What happened?”

I explained, about the summons, about the threat, and about Julian’s timely intervention. By the end of it, Nicholas had come closer, standing before me again, concern crinkling his brow.

“I’m okay now,” I said. “I heard some of your speech. You likely assuaged most of his fears. So you saved me, too. Thank you.”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t hard to say those words. I had held onto them for as long as I knew you about you and Elva. Before I knew the truth.”

“I’m sorry.” I should have told him the truth sooner, perhaps, but it had taken a long time for me to believe that he would even want to know. For so long, it had seemed easier for the past to stay in the past.

“I wish I would have known about your situation then. Maybe I could have done something to help.” He sighed. “Some of what I said today, I meant about myself.”

I vehemently shook my head. “You had no way of knowing the truth, Nicholas. I purposefully kept it from you. I’d thought then that I was protecting you… Honestly, knowing what I know now, I don’t regret it.”

“You can’t mean that.”

I looked him in his eyes. His were so gorgeous, even under the dim tungsten lights. Golden irises with flecks of green, watching me like I was someone worth setting his royal gaze upon. Someone who mattered.

I would always be grateful to him for his kindness. But facts were facts, and a whole world separated us now, as it did then.

“You’ll likely be king someday, Nick.”

I hadn’t used that nickname outside of my dreams in three long years. It took a physical toll saying it now, on me, with my heart aching. On him too, if the way he thickly swallowed was any indication.

“You need to make sure you settle down with the right woman for the kingdom.” I shrugged, a little sad. “That is not, nor ever was, me. And if you tied yourself down to Elva and me, you would have regretted it. Maybe not right away, but at some point.”

Nicholas watched me for so long, like he was trying to look straight down into my soul. I wondered what he saw there.

“I wouldn’t have regretted it,” he said.

My eyes went wide, looking at him. He seemed so… earnest, as if he meant every word. But how could he? Sticking with me and Elva would have changed the entire trajectory of his life.

Marrying a commoner, adopting her child, he might never had had the chance to be king. Surely he could see that the value of a kingdom was worth more than that of a broken down waitress and her kid.

He didn’t seem like he agreed. In fact, he looked for all the world like he wanted to keep arguing with me.

But he didn’t say one word more, and neither did I.

After a while, he said, “You shouldn’t be in here alone with me. It’s against the rules.”

Nicholas was a stickler for the rules.

“I’ll go,” I said.

I stopped at the door to glance at him. He faced away from me and did look back.

Later, with Susie’s help, Elva and I practiced the appropriate curtseys for the garden party. We were out in the gardens. I had to wear heels, to simultaneous practice walking in the grass without the heels sinking down into the dirt.

It was much more difficult than I’d been expecting. I’d already gotten stuck twice.

Susie was a patient teacher though, and kept a level head. She only giggled a bit when I’d fallen onto my backside, and not laughed outright. Plus, she helped me up right after.

Nearby, the wolves Night and Silver were watching. Mark was still trying to convince them to join me inside the castle too, but they had at least committed to keeping a close eye on us outside of it. They also explained that if we called for them, they would come running.

Honestly, it was more than I expected, and I was incredibly grateful to them.

In our breaks, Elva went to Night for hugs. He lapped at her face with his big tongue, making her giggle.

Susie, curiously, spent most of her break time chatting with Mark. They weren’t flirting exactly, that would have been against the rules, but they both seemed a bit bashful, almost like they wanted to.

I imagined Susie’s family might not be too fond of her ending up in a romance with a Beta. I bet she would be happy though.

I decided to pretend I didn’t notice anything, and let whatever would happen, happen. Or vice versa.

As I went to greet Silver, I sunk once more into the grass. Then I threw up my hands in a show of frustration that was only half put-on.

Elva laughed. Susie hid her face with her hands. Mark hurried over to set me upright again.

“Can’t I just wear flats?” I asked.

Susie shook her head. “That would be against the Queen’s rules.”

I’d already broken the Queen’s rules once, with my too-short glove length during the First Ball. I had no desire to repeat that experience.

“Put your weight on your toes,” Susie said.

“All day?”

She shrugged.

Groaning, I sunk back down to the ground, this time only so I could kick off the damned shoes. If I would have to walk around on my toes all day for the garden party, I at least wanted to be comfortable now.

I stretched my toes in the grass and sighed at the relief.

Silver came closer and I scratched her behind the ears.

“She agrees that those shoes are foolish,” Susie said, translating the wolf for me.

“Glad we agree.”

Someday, with my wolf returned, I’d return her and talk to Silver myself. I’d tell her how grateful I was for all that she’d done for me, protecting me from the boar, and now protecting Elva and I from anyone who might want to do us harm.

Wolf or no, she was a good friend to me. I wished I could return the favor.

She leaned her weight into me, almost like she understood.

A bit later, after Silver had flopped down into the grass beside me, Elva came up to my side.

“Mommy,” she began than hesitated. She sometimes did this before asking what she considered an important question.

“Yes, honey?”

She tugged at the hem of her shirt with both hands. She watched as it folded and unfolded, and asked, “Who’s my daddy?”

My whole body froze. “Uh…”

Oh, no. I had always known that someday I would have to tell her the truth, but I never imagined it would be this soon.

How could I possibly explain this to a three-year-old? Or was it better to simply lie? I had lied by omission so far, allowing her to believe I was her birth mother.

“I… well, you see…”

I glanced around but Susie and Mark looked as lost as I was. They were no help at all.

“Um… if you… er…” I didn’t even know where to begin.

Elva merely continued tugging at her shirt. “Can I pick a daddy?”

I swallowed hard. “Uh… who did you have in mind?”

She looked up at me, her eyes wide and honest. As innocent as could be.

“I want Nick-lass to be my daddy.”