Chapter 164

The next morning after the event, I went with Nicholas to speak with Julian. He was in a sitting room, sipping coffee while reading through a newspaper. Terry’s face was plastered all over the front page, under the headline: Traitor.

It still didn’t seem real. I expected him to pop out from any corner.

Though perhaps Terry wasn’t the one to be afraid of anymore. After all, Jane was the one who had sent that knife flying for my face. I shuddered to think what might have happened if Nicholas hadn’t been there with me.

“Julian, we need to talk,” Nicholas said as we approached Julian at his small round table.

Julian motioned toward the two other chairs at his table. “Coffee?”

Nicholas and I glanced at each other, then sat down. A pair of servants immediately delivered two cups of coffee for us. Julian nudged the bowl of sugar closer to us.

“You’ll feel better after some caffeine,” Julian said.

“Forget coffee,” Nicholas said. Things were tense between Julian and Nicholas. While Nicholas glared openly at Julian, Julian avoided looking back at him. “How did you know about the tattoo?”

Nicholas, I thought, was being too demanding to properly earn answers from Julian. For knowing Julian his whole life, I wasn’t sure how he couldn’t realize by now that kindness earned more favors from Julian than spewing orders ever could.

“Julian,” I said, much softer and friendlier than Nicholas. “Why didn’t you mention the tattoos before? We could have checked for that much sooner.”

Julian, ignoring Nicholas, smiled at me. “I only recently learned about it. We knew the symbol of the upside-down wolf skull was tied to the underground organization, but I had no idea they branded themselves… until I was told about it.”

“Told by whom?” Nicholas demanded.

I asked, more gently, “Who told you?”

Julian leaned back on his chair. It creaked with the new weight distribution. “I have a new informant. An ex-member of the underground. They’ve been feeding me more information than I ever dreamed.”

“Who?” Nicholas asked.

Looking at me, Julian leaned forward again. He slid his hand across the table toward me. “They worked directly with magic, Piper. They understand the ins and outs of it. They might know some way of returning your wolf.”

My mouth fell open. “Truly?”

“I believe so,” Julian said. “At the very least, they will know where to start.”

I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Having my wolf returned to me felt like such an impossibility that in my wildest dreams I could only barely imagine it.

Yet if Julian’s informant did work with magic, then they would at least know if returning my wolf was even possible, or if searching for a way was a waste of time.

“I want to meet this informant,” Nicholas said.

To me, Julian said, “They are skittish, and for good reason. They possess the kind of knowledge that makes them invaluable to our investigation, but dangerous to the underground. Though they are well protected, they are frightened.”

“For good reason, it seems,” I said. To be hunted by both sides sounded like an exhausting ordeal. “What made her finally come forward to you?”

“I’m not sure,” he said. “You’ll have to ask them.”

I blinked. “You think they would speak with us?”

“Not all of us,” Julian said.

Julian’s gaze slid to Nicholas. Nicholas immediately straightened and crossed his arms. Julian shrugged.

“I’ll have to clear it with them first,” Julian said. “I wouldn’t want them to disappear on me now.”

“I understand,” I said. “While I hope they will agree to speak with me, I wouldn’t want to risk the investigation either. If necessary, I trust you to ask the right questions.”

Julian’s eyes went wide for a blink or two. “You do?”

“I know your heart is in the right place,” I said.

Beside me, Nicholas grunted.

We both ignored him now.

Julian smiled at me. “Thank you, Piper.”

As day turned into evening, and evening into night, I could not stop thinking about Jane’s knife and how closely I had come to being skewered.

If Nicholas had moved a half-second slower, and I could be dead.

If I had died…

I dreaded the thoughts, but I still forced myself to face them.

If I had died, I would have died as someone who held themselves back from the things they wanted. I had my reasons, and they were good ones. My needs had always been secondary to Elva’s. They always would be.

But, while we were here in the palace, keeping Elva safe, fed, and happy did not require my sacrifice. While we were here, I had the chance to pursue my own happiness, however briefly.

And I was squandering it.

I waited until Elva was asleep, then sunk out of the room. The guards saw me leave, of course, ever watchful, but other than a passing glance, they did nothing to indicate interest in where I was going. No questions were asked, no answers were given.

I hurried down the halls, moving down a now-familiar path to the royal family’s personal rooms.

Life was too short. How many regrets I would have died with had that knife met its mark. And while I couldn’t resolve every single regret I’ve accumulated over the years, one at least felt within my power to change.

Nicholas had offered to replace the memories that Terry had tainted with happier ones.

I hadn’t been ready when he first offered, or I’d been holding myself back for the sake of my wounded, lonely heart.

But now I knew better. I didn’t want someone like Terry to steal my virginity from me. I wanted to give it willingly to someone that I admire. Someone I knew would be gentle with me, and treat me like a queen, even if only for the one night.

Someone who would still respect me in the morning, when we had to go our separate ways.

So I walked straight to Nicholas’s door, lifted my hand, and knocked.

Then, with my breath in my throat, I waited. And waited. And waited.

Was he asleep?

I leaned closer to the door.

No, I definitely heard voices within. It almost sounded like he was arguing with someone, but in a more gentle than forceful kind of way.

Odd.

I knocked again, a little louder. Some of my desire ebbed. Maybe Nicholas just actually needed help.

Footsteps came closer to the door from inside the room, and then it pulled open, revealing Nicholas.

Nicholas’s clothes were slightly disheveled. His suit coat was missing. The buttons of his shirt had been undone down to the ribs. His hair was mussed like someone had run their fingers through it.

And worst of all, the thing my gaze zeroed into and could not look away from: he had lipstick on his collar.

“Nick?” I asked in disbelief. He wouldn’t be as intimate with others girls as he would have with me… would he? Yes, we were in a competition, and yes, someday he would have to marry one of these other girls and start a family, but…

What we shared felt bigger than all this. Whatever was between us could only be temporary, but that didn’t make it less special.

“Piper…” His voice was strained.

Behind him, a woman moved into sight. It was Lilliana, and she was wearing only a sheer nightgown and panties. Her bare breasts were on full display behind a thin veil of white.

The hurt started before I even recognized what it was, a sharp pain that sliced me between my ribs, plunging straight into my heart.

I had hoped to be with Nicholas.

Nicholas, it seemed, already had plans for tonight.