Chapter 107

Nicholas shook his head. “I’m protective of you and Elva. Those instincts have nothing to do with whether or not I trust you.”

I wanted to believe that, but if it was true, then why did he hesitate?

“I’ve been alone a long time, and I’ve gotten by just fine.” The words emerge from a place of hurt. He cut me by not trusting me. How did he think I had survived these past three years?

“Is it so wrong for me to what to keep you safe?” Nicholas’s brow crinkled in confusion. His frown was heavy set.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

I placed a hand over my aching heart. “Because you won’t be with me forever, Nick. If I get used to your protection, enough to let myself relax, how will I ever go back to how things were before? I need to stay tough and self-sustaining so that when this fantasy ends, I can continue on with my life.”

The confusion in his face shifted into a scrunched up sort of pain. Sorrow darkened his eyes. “I can’t argue with that,” he said, but the bitter tone of his voice made it clear that he wanted to.

But this was the hand life had given us, and we’d made our choices. With this competition, I was living in a dream that someday I would have to wake up from. Nicholas, however, was stuck here, forced to marry someone he did not love to fulfill his parents’ expectations of him.

He lowered his voice then, barely a whisper. “But while you are here, I will protect you.”

“I don’t need your protection.”

“This isn’t about needing it, Piper. I’m giving it to you because I want to.”

I crossed my arms. I wasn’t thrilled with his reasoning, but I couldn’t tell him what to do. And even after implying this action would hurt me, he still seemed set in his decision.

What I needed to do was think of a way that I could convince him and myself that I was still capable. That the palace hadn’t made me soft, and I was able to look out for myself and for Elva.

“Do what you want,” I said, then excused myself. I needed to be away from him for a while, to think.

Later, I sat with Susie and Elva around Susie’s makeshift tea table on the floor. Elva poured us each a cup of imaginary tea, as well as some for her stuffed animals. As Elva amused herself with her toys, I explained to Susie what Nicholas and I had argued about.

I made my points clear, I thought, but Susie only looked more and more unsure the longer I went on. By the time I finished, she was worrying her bottom lip with her teeth and not quite looking at me.

Had I said something wrong?

“You can see my side of it, right?” I asked.

She nodded a little. “I think so, but… I don’t know, Piper. His side doesn’t seem all that unreasonable either.”

I hardly thought that was true. “He’s insulting me by thinking I’m some sort of wilting flower who needs looked after.”

“I don’t necessarily believe that it’s an insult for someone to need help every now and then. Everyone does, no matter how strong they are. There’s no shame in it.” She lowered her voice. “Just as there’s no shame in wanting help either.”

Wanting help? I’d never let myself want things in the past. With my limited time and money, I could only ever focus on survival. Sure, I supposed having help would have been nice, but in almost every case where help had been offered to me, it had some kind of terrible caveat attached.

My boss would help me if I’d sleep with him. A coworker would give me the bustling table if I agreed to stay after to wash dishes for her.

Only Anna had ever offered help, while wanting only friendship in return. But most people weren’t like that. I knew that well.

“Everyone knows you are capable, especially Prince Nicholas. But wanting and needing are different,” Susie said. “You are allowed to want things, Piper, even if you don’t need them. You are allowed to want to be taken care of once in a while. No one should have to stand alone all the time.”

“I do,” I said, though listening to her words, I wondered what it would be like to let myself depend on others, even just a little bit.

I had friends here and at home. Anna, Susie, Nicholas, Julian, and Mark. They were each dependable, in their own ways. If I needed them, they would likely answer my call.

But that was just the problem. I couldn’t need them. I could let myself be weak enough to even want their help.

I had to be able to stand on my own, as I always had.

“There has to be some way that I can prove to Nicholas that I can defend myself,” I said. “I’d feel better then, I think, even if he still wants to protect me after. I don’t want him to think that he has to.”

Susie hummed as she considered it.

Meanwhile, Elva turned away from her stuffed animals to look at me. “Do you need more tea, Mommy?”

“That would be lovely, Elva. Thank you.” I held up my teacup for her. She lifted the pot and made a pouring motion.

“It’s hot,” Elva said.

I nodded with understanding, and so I gently blew over the cup before I pretended to drink the imaginary tea. “Delicious,” I said.

Elva smiled.

When I looked back at Susie, she was sneaking glances toward Mark standing at the door. He was glancing too. Every once in a while, they would lock eyes and smile at each other. Susie would blush.

It was adorable, watching the two of them.

But also, looking at Mark gave me an idea.

In addition to being Nicholas’s Beta, Mark was also a trained soldier. I hadn’t seen him in action, exactly, but for Nicholas to trust him so much lead credence to his skills.

There was much I could learn from him, if I set my mind to it. If he would teach me.

Maybe I could learn enough that Nicholas would start to trust me the way he trusted Mark.

“Mark,” I said.

He jumped, not having expected me to address him. A bit of red dusted his cheeks. Did he think I was going to call him out for looking at Susie? Never.

“Yes, Miss Piper?”

“Do you know many self-defense techniques?” I asked.

“I do.”

“What are you thinking, Piper?” Susie asked.

I looked at her, but then I asked Mark, “Do you think you could teach me?”

Mark seemed surprised. Susie did too.

“If I can learn some self-defense moves, then maybe I can prove to Nicholas that he doesn’t have to worry about me. I can prove that I can handle my own problems, and anything else that comes along.”

Susie frowned at me, but she didn’t argue. “I guess…”

“If you want to learn, I can show you a few moves,” he said. When I started to stand up, he quickly stopped me. “Not here. Not now. Let’s meet tomorrow morning in the gym.”

I blinked. “There’s a gym in the palace?”

Mark nodded. “It’s by the barracks for the guards.”

“Okay,” I said. I would do whatever it took to prove myself. And learning a few moves certainly wouldn’t hurt.

The following morning, I searched for the gym and eventually found it where Mark had said. I went into the large brick building and found a gymnasium with a half-basketball court to one side, and a series of work out equipment on the other.

I had been expecting Mark.

Yet when I walked into the room, it was Nicholas who greeted me.

“Ready for your lesson, Piper?”