Chapter 58

As Lucas repeated his assurance that James and I would always be his best friends, frustration bubbled within me, taking over my train of thought.

I couldn't bear to hear him say those similar words again—

it was as if he was using them as a shield, a way to justify his actions without considering how they affected us.

"Stop saying that," I blurted the words out, unable to hold back my emotions any longer.

Lucas looked taken aback by my outburst, a frown crossing his face.

"Shana, what's wrong now?" he asked, his voice tinged with concern. "I'm just—"

"No, Lucas." I stopped him from saying anything else.

I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts.

"It's just... It's not fair, Lucas," I said, my voice trembling with emotion. "You're willing to trade your own lifetime happiness for status and money... I can't understand that."

Lucas sighed, "Shana, it's not that simple. It's not like I want things to be this way," he said, his eyes pleading for my understanding. "My father is... controlling, and I don't have much of a choice in this matter. I don't have much of a choice in anything."

"But you had a choice to tell us," I countered, throwing a hand in James's direction. "You chose to leave your two closest friends in the dark."

James was silent for once as he let me talk for the both of us.

"You could've let us in... let us support you through this. But instead, you kept everything to yourself, waiting for it to backfire," I continued.

"I tell you everything," James said, sincerity shining in his eyes. "You know things about me nobody else knows."

"Same for me," I tagged onto James's comment. "I don't keep any secrets from you."

Lucas's face fell, and I could see the weight of his decision pressing down on him.

"I don't know what else to say or how else to explain myself. I didn't want to burden you both," he said softly. "I thought I could handle it on my own, but I see now that it was a mistake..."

With all the emotions swirling inside me, I blurted out words that surprised me, "I don't need a friend who hides things from me and doesn't trust me enough with what's going on in their life."

The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them. The hurt in Lucas's eyes was evident, and I knew I had crossed a line.

He was taken aback, clearly wounded by the harshness of my words. "You don't mean that..."

"But, I do," I said firmly. "I mean it."

"Shana, I'm so sorry," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was protecting you from the mess that is my life."

"You're not the only person on the planet with a messy life or a messy family," I argued. "Just take a look at my own father. I let you inside my life enough to see and know things that I've never given anyone. But you couldn't return the favor."

Lucas worked his jaw as he let the words sink in. "I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry."

I turned away, unable to meet his gaze, as guilt washed over me. "I know, Lucas. I'm sorry too," I said, my voice strained with emotion. "I just... I can't wrap my head around any of this. I need a minute. I need some space."

I stormed away from the table, feeling myself get more and more worked up with every step I took.

When I finally made it outside the restaurant, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Fear of it being Lucas crept over me, but when I looked over my shoulder, I came face to face with James.

He had followed me out, clearly concerned for me. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked, his voice filled with genuine care and tenderness.

I let out an empty laugh, shaking my head at how insane this whole situation was. "Of course, I'm not okay. This is so overwhelming."

James nodded in understanding, sharing a knowing look with me. "Trust me. I'm not typically one to get surprised, but that was..."

"Crazy?"

"Unexpected," James replied honestly.

"Yeah, you could say that again. This whole night has felt like that."

"I get it. It's a lot to take in."

"I would've never expected something like this from Lucas," I said truthfully. "From you? Maybe, but him?"

"Hey! I would never agree to marry some random Alpha woman just because my father told me to," James rolled his eyes at me. "I have a mind of my own, status or not. And don't be rude to me just because you're upset."

"I'm only teasing you," I tried to give him a cheerful smile, but it felt more painful than carefree.

I looked down at my dress. Suddenly, it wasn't as beautiful as I once thought it was.

Its beauty had been diminished throughout the night.

"I never expected to react like that," I admitted to James, feeling a sense of confusion about what just happened. "I usually try to be more understanding and considerate. And I hate fighting with people, especially Lucas..."

"Hey, we all have our breaking points," James said with reassurance. "Honestly, I am a little surprised that you said that to him myself, but your emotions took over and that's totally normal. This is a lot to handle, and it's okay to feel upset about it."

I thought about what James said, trying to process everything. Not only had Lucas's actions surprised me, but my own behavior had shocked me.

Why?

A part of me felt like I only said that to Lucas to give him an inkling of the hurt he had just thrown at me.

I guess I wanted him to understand the pain that I felt, and the only way I could've thought to do that was by using my words.

That didn't make it right though. If anything, the only thing I accomplished by saying that was making the situation even worse.

Lucas would remember that statement for a long time and beat himself up about this even more. I could tell he was remorseful, and it wasn't fair of me, but it wasn't fair of him either.

I didn't know how to express myself correctly.

"I have a question for you," James said after a moment. When I looked up at him, he had a shy or almost embarrassed look on his face.

"What is it?" I asked him, suddenly growing worried. "You're making me nervous."

The way he worded that made it sound very serious.

And it was, even more, alarming because James never got serious.

A hint of red washed over his cheeks as he looked back toward the restaurant where Lucas still was. He wasn't thinking of making me go back in there, was he?

Before I could try to tell him that I didn't want to go talk to Lucas, he turned back to me.

"Are you jealous?" he asked bluntly.

I felt my mouth hang open in shock, surprised he would ask me that.

Was I jealous?