Chapter 57

Listening to Lucas's explanation, I couldn't help but feel sympathy for him. I had no idea what it was like to be in his shoes, and I could only imagine the intense pressure he felt every day having the Busch name attached to him.

"Would you really accept a marriage like that?" I asked him. "I mean, you still have free will. Your father can't control every single aspect of your life."

Lucas fidgeted at my question, clearly not knowing how to answer it. I started to grow worried about his response.

It looked as if he was having an internal battle with himself on what was right and what was wrong.

I wondered if his behavior was a result of his father's commands and twisted parenting styles. Lucas always looked like he was double-checking to make sure that his actions aligned with what his father would want. He was afraid to fall out of line.

"Of course, I don't want to marry Victoria," Lucas admitted, half torn and half nervous to continue. "I'd have to be out of mind if I actually wanted to. Her personality is--"

"The worst?" James asked seriously. "Terrible? Abominable?"

"It's less than ideal," Lucas finished.

James snorted. "That's a light way to put it, man. She puts Jessica and her attitude to shame."

"So, you don't want to marry her, but..." The words trailed off my tongue as I observed Lucas.

He was still holding back even though all of his cards had basically been laid out on the table for us in the last ten minutes.

"I don't want this marriage, but my father..." Lucas shrugged. "I can't let him down."

"Sure, you can!" James looked at me before continuing, "I let my father down all the time! It's easy, really."

I wanted to laugh at James's attempt at humor but felt like this wasn't the time or place to be making light of this situation.

"It's not the same for me as it is for you," Lucas told James, running a hand through his hair.

For Winter Formal, he had his hair styled neatly. But now, after the events of the night, his hair was ragged and disheveled. It reflected the way he was feeling on the inside.

"I've never resisted my father before, and I don't think I'll ever be able to," Lucas told us, pressing his lips together in a thin, worrying line. "I don't agree with it. It's just a complicated scenario."

His truth hit me hard, and the fact that he had been keeping all of this bottled inside for days, weeks, months, or even years blew my mind. He was supposed to feel comfortable enough to confide in us about all the struggles he was going through.

Lucas had been helping me so much over the past couple of weeks, and I felt silly for not noticing that something was wrong with him. I had no idea he was battling this.

Honestly, now that I thought about it, I didn't really know much about him and his life with his father.

I knew his father wasn't the best parent. I knew his father was strict and demanding. But that's all I knew.

Lucas may have kept this huge secret from James and me, but I knew there were still so many other things that Lucas never told us or talked about.

I couldn't figure out why he would want to deal with all of those demons on his own.

"I never thought you'd keep something this big from us," I admitted, still trying to process it all.

I felt disappointed in him, but it was more than that. I'd never felt such a sense of betrayal before.

Suddenly, sitting at that table any longer and pretending like everything was okay felt like too much of a task. I wanted to leave and get as far away from the source that had caused me to feel this way.

I stood from the table, not making eye contact with either James or Lucas.

Lucas stood with me, placing a warm hand on mine. "Where are you going?"

"I want to go home," I admitted, still keeping my eyes down.

"Let me take you home." Lucas went to move, but I stopped him with a firm hand.

"No. I don't want you to take me home."

"Shana—"

"Don't Shana me." I finally looked at Lucas, allowing him to see the hurt that was in my expression. "I have every reason to be upset with you right now."

The same kind of sadness was reflected in his own eyes, although, I'm sure it was different than my own. He looked as if he was upset that we found out the truth, but also that it had hurt us.

"I know I hurt you. I'm sorry..." Lucas's lips turned down into a pout.

"You can say sorry a million times, but it'll never take away the fact that you didn't trust us enough to tell us this," my voice wavered slightly as I spoke.

"That was never my intention. What more do you want me to explain?" Lucas pleaded. "Ask me anything and I'll tell you all of it."

"It's too late for that now." I took a step away from him.

"I don't want to leave things like this between us." Lucas started to grow more and more worried. He looked at James who had a similar expression as me on his face. "I'm sorry. I should have told you both, but I was so confused."

"Dude, who wouldn't be confused in a situation like this?" James shook his head. "That's exactly why you go to your friends. For advice. For support. For guidance."

"There's nothing that could've been changed by talking about it," Lucas tried to reason with us. "Don't you see that?"

"If your dad tells you to jump off a building, are you doing to do it?" James asked in a condescending tone.

I almost wanted to scold him for getting so harsh with Lucas, but I was angry myself.

"You know it's not like that," Lucas said.

"Isn't it, though?" James looked at me. "Shana, what does it look like to you?"

Both James and Lucas turned toward me to hear my answer. I felt the words get caught in my throat. On one hand, I was fully on James's side. I hated that Lucas lied to us and had this hidden beneath all of our noses. I felt and related to his pain.

But on the other side of things, I felt for Lucas. He seemed so misguided, and he was only trying to please his father.

But he could've tried to please his father and still let James and I know what was going on. It was his decision to keep this from us, and he knew it would upset us if we ever found out.

Yet, he did it anyway.

It made me wonder if he would've gone all the way through with the wedding without telling James and me.

Would he have kept it a secret until we found out on our own?

"I'm marrying Victoria for my father," Lucas said. "But that doesn't change the fact that the two of you will be my best friends forever."

That sounded similar to what he said when he explained his fling with Jessica to me weeks ago... but this time, things were wildly different.