Chapter 161

Lucas's voice cut through the buzzing in my ears, drawing my attention back to the present.

My racing thoughts began to slow as I clenched his hand, grounding me.

I tried to calm my tears, forcing myself to remember that I was okay. That I was safe.

"Shana, what's going on?" he asked, genuine concern etched across his features as he squeezed my hand back.

I took a deep breath, trying to regain control over the strange sensations coursing through me. "I don't know what's going on," I admitted, my voice shaky. "I just felt that overwhelming feeling again."

"Again?" Lucas asked. "What do you mean?"

"My body... it's been acting so strangely, especially since I shifted."

"It's still happening?" Lucas's brow furrowed, his eyes filled with worry. "It feels like you're losing control?"

"Something like that," I said. "It's been happening a lot more lately..."

"So..." He seemed to be connecting the dots. "You were about to shift, weren't you?"

I nodded, my throat feeling dry. Was that what that feeling was? I tried to think back on the first day I shifted, and it was a similar sensation.

However, that was much stronger, and I wasn't able to stop myself.

"I think so, but it was different this time..." I explained, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. "My emotions built up like I couldn't stop them, and it made me panic."

Lucas's expression darkened as he processed this. "It seems like this always happens when your mood or emotions become too intense."

"It seems that way." I nodded, biting my bottom lip. "Thankfully, I've been able to somewhat manage it, but the more it happens, the more I'm afraid I won't be able to stop it. The only way I was able to stop it this time was because you were holding on to me."

Lucas eyes shown with a fearful pain. "It's worse than I thought," he muttered under his breath, his tone tinged with regret.

I felt completely helpless in this situation. There was nothing that I could do to understand what was going on with me.

I couldn't even control myself fully thanks to whatever animalistic urge I had within me.

I couldn't help but blame myself for this, for burdening Lucas with more complications.

He already had so much on his plate, and he was doing so much for me. First, he found Professor Black for me, then he insisted on helping me with my father's debt, and now he's being forced to stay with his corrupt father.

How could I be treating so horribly when he's been nothing but perfect to me? I was constantly dragging him into my problems. And Lucas, being the kind person he was, was always willing to be there for me.

How much longer could I keep stirring him into all of my issues? It made me feel like such an awful person.

Realizing that I had possibly just put him in trouble with Kendrick also crossed my mind. What would Kendrick do to him once he went back inside of that building?

"I'm so sorry, Lucas." I turned to face him, my eyes welling up with tears again. "I never wanted you to have to deal with all of this. I just can't seem to get things to work in my favor, and I feel like I'm spiraling. I can't let you deal with this anymore."

He squeezed my hand gently, offering me some comfort. "Shana, it's fine. I'm here because I want to be."

"You don't deserve this," I said. "Maybe we should actually break up. It's only going to make things worse for you if we stay together. Kendrick is never going to approve of me, and he'll only get upset with you and—"

"Stop that right now," Lucas gripped my fingers with his. "I'm not breaking up with you, Shana. That's ridiculous."

"But I can't stand to keep hurting you like this," I explained, hoping he would see my side of things. "It's not fair on you."

"I don't care. I don't care what my father thinks. I want to be with you. If we broke up now, I wouldn't be able to function properly. I need you."

Lucas's confession settled in my chest, and I wanted to crumble at his genuine words. I felt the same exact way about him. I couldn't imagine the two of us being apart, especially not now after everything we've been through.

"I need you, too," I confessed. "But I can't continue to hurt you..."

"Shana, you're not hurting me. Every decision I've made has been thanks to my own free will. I want to help you. I want to be there for you."

"You're sure?" I asked, needing some confirmation. When he nodded, I said, "I'm sorry for everything, Lucas."

"You have nothing to apologize for." Lucas put a gentle hand on my cheek. "We'll figure this out together."

Lucas's reassurance was everything that I needed and more. I began to regain some composure and ease.

"Have you contacted the professor yet?" I asked Lucas, wondering where things stood with Professor Black.

He shook his head. "No, have you?"

I shook my head no.

"I wanted to talk to you first, anyway," Lucas explained. "But we'll reach out to him as soon as possible. We need him to give us some answers as soon as he can."

Taking about Professor Black made me want to open up to Lucas about the fear and confusion that had been building within me over the past few days.

I knew that I could trust him with this, and he would be able to give me some reassurance that everything would be fine.

"I just feel like I'm losing control, Lucas. Every day, it's getting worse." I sighed, my voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know what's happening to me, and I'm so scared that one day I'm just going to shift."

He reached his hand up to brush a strand of hair from my face. "I know it's scary, Shana." His eyes filled with a tenderness that warmed my heart. "But I promise you there's an explanation for this. We'll figure it out soon."

I couldn't help but smile through my tears, grateful to have him by my side. "Thank you, Lucas."

"You don't need to thank me." Lucas gave me a soft kiss on the lips, sealing his promise. "I only want you to be safe. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you're taken care of."

"It's just hard now since I can never see you," I explained, feeling my mood drain knowing Lucas would have to leave me soon.

"I know... This week, I've been so focused on trying to make my father happy that I've neglected our relationship." Lucas also opened up about the pressures he'd been facing.

"I understand why you had to do it." Lucas had to live by new rules, and it was a big adjustment for me.

"It's not like I wanted to, Shana. My father was secretly checking my text messages to see if I was in contact with you. I didn't want to show him anything. I didn't want him to see anything."