Chapter 62

Zara

I returned to my duties as the Alpha’s personal attendant. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the position. On the one hand, being their personal servant had been a humiliation at the beginning. On the other hand, it was the first time that I had a proper job within the pack. I was always the Alpha’s “extra” child. I never had a place. Now I did. But was it a place I wanted?

The actual work wasn’t difficult. I mostly carried messages and acted as a kind of secretary. It had been a while since I’d been asked to do anything embarrassing like help the twins dress.

Although Kieran did insist on modeling his outfits for official meetings for me, and demanded my opinions on which one was best. Lucian, thankfully, only occasionally requested I bring him his robe or a fresh shirt if he’d been training.

One real annoyance was that both of them insisted that I was still on light duty, even though I assured them that I was fine. Yes, I’d collapsed on the full moon but that was almost a week ago. I didn’t need to be coddled.

I didn’t understand why they were being so protective. Did they really care that much about me? Or were they just worried because they needed my ability to sooth their wolves?

Part of me wondered whether I should risk telling them the truth. I no longer believed that they’d demand a bond at the cost of my life. They were ruthless, yes, but they weren’t monsters.

I didn’t tell them because it felt cruel to dangle the hope of a mate bond in front of them when I couldn’t complete it. They had both chosen to suffer, with Kieran’s nightmares and Lucian’s headaches. They knew I could stop their pain, but refused to allow it because it would hurt me.

I needed answers before I told them the truth. Did I want to be mated to them? No, I don’t think so. I wanted to be free. But I wanted to help them, too. I was sure there was a way I could salvage their wolf bonds and maintain my independence. There had to be. I just needed to find it. I needed to find my mother.

After meeting the Alphas for lunch, because they still insisted I only eat food they gave me, I decided I needed some exercise. I hadn’t done much training lately. I stood up from my seat and collected the plates to return them to the kitchen.

“I’m going to go train,” I told Lucian.

He looked up from his papers. “Oh? Are you feeling up to it?”

“Yes! I swear, you two…” I trailed off. “I’m fine. I’ve told you I’m fine. I’m going for a run, then I’ll find a quiet spot to do a little shadowboxing.”

“Hm. Sounds good. I’ll join you.”

“What?” I yelped.

Lucian shrugged. “Alphas need to train, too, you know. Mind company on your run?”

“I guess not,” I said.

Before the Alphas took the pack, when I lived alone in the cabin, I liked to run on a random, meandering trail through the woods. When I became their attendant, I was limited to the circuit around the Alpha house that the guards ran. I decided to push my luck, and headed for the woods beyond the garden.

“Running on a trail instead of the track?” Lucian asked, keeping pace with my slow warm up run easily.

“Yes,” I said. “I like the varied terrain. It’s more of a challenge.”

“Challenges are good,” Lucian said. “I’m taller, so you set the pace.”

That made sense. I pushed myself a little harder than I might have if I was running alone. Lucian kept pace, running just slightly behind me.

I chose a path that looped around the Alpha house and nearby properties. We ran a good two miles before I found a nice clearing to train in. I slowed and circled the area a couple of times.

Lucian watched me shadow box for a minute before he said, “You’re pretty good, for someone who doesn’t fight.”

“I fight if I have to,” I said.

“I thought you hated violence,” Lucian replied.

“Senseless violence. There’s nothing wrong with defending yourself, or someone weaker,” I said. Being a good fighter was the only thing that had kept me from being beaten black and blue by my sister any time our father’s back was turned.

“Oh. Okay, then. Want to spar?” Lucian asked.

I hesitated. Most of the wolves my age used an offer to spar as an excuse to either punch me or grope me. Lucian was Alpha, though, and he really didn’t need an excuse if he wanted to do either one. And he hadn’t taken advantage when I slept right next to him. So bizarrely, my father’s killer was the safest sparring partner I was likely to find.

“Sure,” I said, taking up a balanced, ready stance.

“Tap out if you need to,” Lucian said, before launching a kick at my midsection.

I skipped backwards to avoid the kick and then spun in close to aim a punch at his side. He caught my wrist, but I managed to slip out of his grip.

He ran at me and I tucked my shoulder down and shifted my weight so that he sailed over me to land on his back with a huff.

He chuckled as he flipped to his feet.

“All right then, let’s have fun!” he said with a laugh.

We traded kicks, punches, and throws. I hit the dirt several times, and managed to put Lucian on his butt at least twice.

The third time I went for a throw, he twisted mid fall and somehow pulled me down with him. We landed in a tangle of limbs, both panting with exertion and laughter.

“Um, hey,” I whispered, suddenly aware of every place where our bodies touched.

“Hey,” he replied, voice low and husky. His eyes bore into mine and I found myself unable to look away.

“Was that my point or yours?” I asked.

“Hm, I’m not sure I care,” Lucian purred. He leaned forward, and I thought he was going to kiss me. I thought I was going to let him.

“Me either,” I whispered.

Lucian reached up, and stroked a hand along my cheek. He cupped my chin, and drew me closer. My eyes drifted closed, and I felt the slightest pressure of his lips on mine.

Then, without warning, I went tumbling as Lucian scrambled to his feet.

“I… I have to…” Lucian stammered for a moment, before collecting himself. “That was a good training session. Thank you for indulging me.”

Then he turned and bolted into the surrounding trees. I sprawled on the ground, staring at the Lucian shaped hole in the air.

Why had he done that? Did he not want to kiss me? I mean, I shouldn’t let him because if he was in his right mind he’d definitely be able to tell we were fated so it was a good thing he’d left.

But the sudden rejection still stung. My wolf whined at his absence and I wasn’t sure how to silence her. I wasn’t happy about what just happened, either.