Chapter 55

Zara

I spent as long as I could getting ready for bed. Unfortunately, I didn’t exactly have a long or complicated personal grooming routine. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and combed my hair. Then, I changed into a pair of soft shorts and a tank top. And then I was out of excuses to delay.

I didn’t exactly think the Alphas would take advantage of me sleeping in the same bed with them. I was pretty sure I could trust them. It was me I didn’t trust.

Could I resist the urge to run my hand over their chests, to steal a kiss from one or both brothers?

They didn’t need me to soothe them. And I shouldn’t want to. Both times I’d been intimate with one or both of them, I’d collapsed in unbearable pain. I still barely remembered the second time.

But before I’d collapsed, things had been good. Every touch was electric and their kisses melted my insides. I wanted more of that.

I just didn’t dare take it.

I left the bathroom to find Lucian already laying down, leaning back against the headboard with a book in his hands. Kieran was sitting on the other side of the bed, clearly waiting for me. Both of them had, naturally, stripped naked. Because werewolves tended to sleep in the nude.

I resolutely kept my eyes above their shoulders.

“Bathroom’s free,” I said.

“Thanks,” Kieran said, and darted in.

I hovered near the bed, uncertain. It was just a bed. We were just going to sleep. Why was I so nervous about this?

Lucian looked up from his book.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” I smiled and rushed on before he could answer, “What are you reading?”

He held up the book so I could see the cover. “A murder mystery,” he explained. “The premise is nonsensical, but it’s entertaining. Did you bring anything to read?”

I held up my phone. “E-books,” I explained. “I wanted to pack light.”

“That’s probably wise,” Lucian said. “Packing light lets you move quickly if you need to. Hopefully that won’t be an issue, though.”

“Yeah,” I said.

Lucian patted the bed next to him. “Kieran and I decided you could have the middle.”

“Um, why?” I asked.

“Well, you’re the smallest, and you’re human. You might get cold. These blankets are thin and the room is chilly.”

I would certainly be warm, sleeping between two werewolves.

“Okay,” I said, and slid onto the bed.

I decided that Lucian had the right idea, and opened the e-book app on my phone. I had been reading a light hearted romance, but I didn’t want to give my libido any bright ideas so I switched to an adventure novel instead.

“What are you reading?” Lucian asked.

“Adventure,” I said, glad I’d decided against the romance, “It’s about a crew of pirates who travel the world in search of magical artifacts.”

“It sounds entertaining,” Lucian said.

“It’s pretty good.”

Kieran returned and Lucian took his turn. He slid under the covers next to me. I could feel the heat from his body along my side.

“Are you reading?” he asked.

“Yeah, an e-book,” I explained.

“Yeah, my brother’s always reading,” Kieran said. “I’ve never been able to sit still that long.”

That did not surprise me at all.

“We can’t exactly be active right now,” I pointed out.

“Sure we could,” Kieran said with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows, before he sighed. “Well, I guess we can’t. Not until we find your mother and figure out why you keep collapsing.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“I wonder, though,” Kieran said, leaning closer to me, “One little kiss won’t make you collapse, right?”

I hesitated. I liked kissing him. A lot. I really wanted to do that again. But that had been when his wolf was in control. If I kissed him now, he’d know we were fated.

I shook my head. “I can’t risk it,” I whispered.

He nodded and leaned back. “I understand. I wouldn’t…” he shuddered. “I don’t hurt my mates, you know? The way you screamed, it sounded like someone was trying to rip out your heart.”

“I don’t remember much,” I told him. “But I remember it hurt. A lot.”

Mostly the memories filtered back in my dreams.

“Yeah,” Kieran said. He scooted closer, and wrapped an arm over my shoulders.

“What are you…” I trailed off, because I didn’t actually want him to let go, not really. It had been a while since anyone had held me, and it was nice.

Lucian came out of the bathroom right then, and paused to stare at us. Kieran stared back. I was beginning to think they were communicating somehow.

Lucian shrugged after a moment and returned to his side of the bed.

“Hands to yourself, Kieran,” he warned.

“Right,” Kieran said, shifting away from me.

I resisted the urge to lean into him. They were being considerate. I should appreciate that.

I really didn’t.

I was in bed with two naked men, and I couldn’t do anything more interesting than read. I was in bed with my fated mates, and I couldn’t tell them.

I wished I could trust them with the truth, but I didn’t dare. Sure, they were helping me now. But that was because they needed my help. I was useful to them, nothing more. If they found out I was their mate and had hidden it from them, who knows what they’d do?

I tried to read to get my mind off of the two extremely handsome, extremely dangerous men on either side of me. It didn’t work. I read the same paragraph five times and still didn’t understand a word of it.

Finally, I gave up and turned off my phone. I had to lean over Lucian to plug it into my charger on the bedside table. He put his book aside and leaned back to give me room.

“Sleepy?” Kieran asked.

I nodded and squirmed until I was under the blankets.

Kieran patted my cheek once. “Sweet dreams,” he said.

“You too,” I replied.

“Nah, not for me,” he sighed.

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. I knew he had nightmares on the full moon. Did they happen all the time?

Before I could ask, Lucian set aside his book and clicked off the little lamp on the table.

I curled up on my side, facing Kieran with my back pressed against the long, warm line of Lucian’s body. I thought I’d never fall asleep, but Lucian’s deep, steady breathing soon lulled me and I was lost to the world.

I woke up before either twin, and I stayed tucked in tight, luxuriating in the feel of two warm, strong bodies resting against me. It wasn’t real. We weren’t and could never be truly mated. But I let myself pretend, just for that one soft grey moment as the sun climbed over the horizon.

Lucian yawned and turned to look at me.

“Sleep well?” he asked.

“Yeah, actually,” I admitted. “I see why some wolves like to sleep in groups, now. I wasn’t cold at all.”

“It can be nice,” he agreed. “We sleep in groups on campaign,” he said, “It’s not quite as cozy between battles, but it’s nice to know everyone in your team is alive, and well, and nearby.”

A soft whimper from my other side drew my attention to Kieran. He moaned and his face twisted.

“Nightmare,” Lucian said. “I’ll wake him. You get out of bed first. He might flail, and he’d feel bad if he hit you.”

“Right.” I slipped out of bed and watched as Lucian shook Kieran’s shoulder with a surprisingly soft grip. He didn’t speak, but Kieran’s eyes flew open.

“Lucian?” Kieran whispered. “Where’s…”

“Zara’s right there,” Lucian said. “It’s morning. We should get dressed. We have more driving to do.”

“Right,” Kieran said, “Anyone mind if I take the bathroom first? I need to splash cold water on my face, and, ah, other parts.”

“Sure, go ahead,” I squeaked.

Lucian sighed. “He never changes,” he muttered.