Chapter 50

Zara

I took a deep breath before stepping into Lucian's office. I had to convince them to let me go to the human territories. I had to find my mother's family, and learn who, and what, I really was. It wasn't just my longing to belong anymore. Now, it was life or death.

After hearing the healer’s report, I’d gone back to my room to think. I did have a fated mate. It was Adrian. I did not imagine our connection. I was sure of it.

Lucian and the healer suggested that I had been fooled, that Adrian had attempted to take advantage of me. That he convinced me he was my mate and I didn’t know the difference.

But I had felt it. I’m sure I felt it. My wolf wasn’t very strong, but she did know her mate when she saw him. Didn’t she?

And if my bond with Adrian had been false, what did that say about my bond to Lucian and Kieran? Was I fooling myself again?

No, that wasn’t possible. I would not be able to soothe their wolves if we weren’t fated mates. Not that I could tell them that. I still couldn’t risk them learning the truth.

But if I didn’t have an incomplete mate bond with Adrian, what was happening every time I got close to Lucian and Kieran? And how was I going to stop it before the next full moon? Because I could hold off the Alphas until then, and I was pretty sure they wouldn’t push me, but I couldn’t leave them to their wolves on the full moon.

So I was on a time limit. And I needed to convince the Alphas to let me do whatever was necessary to figure out who, and what, I really was.

So I stood outside Lucian’s office and waited like a good little wolf for him to acknowledge me.

Lucian only left me waiting for a minute. He opened the door and waved me in. I noticed that Kieran was perched on his desk.

“You’ve been thinking about what the healer said,” Lucian said.

I nodded. “It doesn’t make sense. I know I was fated to Adrian. I felt the bond snap. It… it hurt so much,” I whispered.

“But you show no signs of a bond now,” Lucian said.

“Maybe the healer made a mistake?” I suggested.

“Maybe. Or maybe there’s something different about you,” Kieran said.

“Because I’m part human?” I asked.

Lucian shrugged as he settled back in his chair. “We don’t know much about half-bloods. What we do know is mostly hearsay. Why do you believe you can’t form a new mate bond?”

“Well, everyone knows it would kill me,” I started. “I can’t sever the bond on my end.”

“Everyone knows, how?” Lucian asked.

“Well…” I trailed off. “It must have happened to other hybrids, right?”

Both twins shrugged.

“I asked the healers,” Kieran offered. “They didn’t know any more than you do. Just what ‘everyone knows’ with no facts or case histories to back it up.”

I thought about that for a moment. “Do you think it’s possible the humans might know more?”

“With the veil in place, the humans think we’re a myth,” Lucian said. “Our society is invisible to them. As far as any human knows, the wolf territories are nothing but a wasteland.”

“Huh,” I said, startled. I’d never really thought about what the humans saw when they looked towards the veil. “So most humans don’t know we really exist?”

“Yeah,” Kieran said.

“But some must know, because, well, I exist. There have been other half humans, other humans who join the packs,” I said.

Kieran shrugged. “Things happen, I guess. The veil is permeable. We trade with humans sometimes, they just don’t know who or what we are.”

“Like my computer,” I said, “and my books. My father traded for them. I had to do extra chores for a year to get the computer.”

“You must want it back,” Lucian said.

“Yes. It would help with my research,” I said. “I need to know who my mother was. The human’s internet, it’ll have access to birth records, death announcements, things like that. It’s a place to start.”

“Very well,” Lucian said, to my surprise. I thought I’d have to convince him, maybe find something to offer in trade. “Your job for now is to research your origins. Your computer will be returned to you, and the rest of your books.”

“Was there anything else in that cabin of yours?” Kieran asked.

I shook my head. “Just supplies, nothing that would be useful now.”

“Okay,” Kieran said. Then. “You’ll need a desk, for the computer. I’ll find you one.”

“Thank you,” I said, and surprised myself a little by meaning it. I paused. “I may need to actually go through the veil. There’s only so much the computer can tell me.”

“I’m not comfortable with that,” Lucian said, not surprising me at all. “But if it does become necessary, we’ll discuss it.”

Well, it wasn’t an absolute refusal. I could work with that.

I thanked Lucian, bowed, and retreated to my room to wait for my belongings to be returned. Kieran arrived a short while later with a handsome wooden desk, and a second wolf to help him carry it. A third and fourth wolf brought my computer and all of my books that they had confiscated.

I was surprised to feel real gratitude. These were my things, except for the desk. They were mine by right. But I was grateful to have them back.

I shook that off and worked on setting up my computer and getting the internet connection working. I had to use my cell phone, also recently returned, as a hot spot. By a stroke of luck, whatever fund my father had set up to pay our phone lines was still being paid into, so my account was active.

Once I had the internet running, I had to figure out where to start my search. All I had was a name. I tried typing her name into the search bar, but I came up with too many answers, mostly from social media. Somehow I didn’t think I’d find my mother through a cooking blog.

Maybe I should try to find out what the humans knew about werewolves, and work from there. If I found humans who knew about us, they might also know about humans who lived with us, who had half-wolf children.

Hours of searching took me from conspiracy theories to horror movies. I was no closer to finding my mother. I did learn a few interesting facts about natural wolves that I hadn’t known, but that was no help.

Kieran arrived with a tray. I hadn’t realized it was late enough for dinner.

“Thought you could use a break,” he said. “Eat with me?”

“Um, sure,” I agreed. “Thank you.” I paused. “Am I still supposed to only eat food you bring?”

“Yeah,” Kieran said. “Just in case. Your sister has a lot of supporters in the pack.”

I felt nauseated at the reminder that my own sister had seriously tried to murder me. “Right,” I muttered.

I struggled with the first few bites before my appetite remembered that I had in fact skipped lunch.

“Did you find anything?” Kieran asked, waving towards my computer.

I shook my head. “My mother’s name isn’t uncommon enough to narrow the search down,” I explained.

“Hm. Maybe we need one of those human hunters, what are they called?” Kieran mused.

“I’m not sure,” I said. “How would a hunter help?”

“Not hunters,” Kieran said, then snapped his fingers, “Detective. Private detectives. I read books about them, when I was a kid.”

“You think a private detective could help me?” I asked.

“Sure, I think. I mean, they find missing people, and you’re missing your mother. We just have to find one we can hire.” He pointed to my computer. “I’m sure there’s one you can find with that thing.”

“Well, it’s better than staring at blurry pictures from someone’s blog and trying to figure out a way to ask if they abandoned a baby years ago,” I said.

“Cool,” Kieran said. “I’ve always wanted to meet a real private detective. Find us one, we’ll hire them.”

“You think Lucian will agree to this?” I asked, already typing in the search engine.

“I know it,” Kieran said. “He’s determined to figure this out.”

“Why?” I asked. I knew why I needed to know, but didn’t they still think their fated mate was out there?

“Because we… we need you,” Kieran said, hesitating for just a beat. “And you’re pack. We should help you.”

I wanted to believe him. I did. But no one had ever helped me because I was pack. I was only part of the pack when it was convenient for the others. The rest of the time I was the hybrid, the outsider. Could I really trust that these dangerous, powerful Alphas felt differently? That they, unlike everyone else, saw me as part of their pack?

I wished I could believe it. But I didn't dare.