Chapter 25

Zara

After days of enforced rest, I found myself unable to sleep. I’d read every book in my room. My requests for the return of my computer were ignored.

Lucian stumbled into my room late in the night.

“Is something wrong?” I asked.

He grimaced and shook his head.

“I know I went to you. In the shower. To calm my wolf.”

“Yes,” I said. “Don’t you remember?”

“Not clearly,” Lucian admitted. “My wolf was mostly in control. I remember you. I remember your scent. You… I did not force you.”

“No,” I was quick to reassure him. “No, you didn’t.”

“But something happened that hurt you.”

“The healers are pretty sure it was delayed shock and overexertion,” I pointed out.

I desperately didn’t want Lucian to know anything about my incomplete mate bond.

“Right,” Lucian said. “I. My head. I don’t want to push you when you still need time to recover. But.”

“How long have you been hurting?” I asked. For him to be stumbling with his words, for him to come to me like this, it had to be bad.

“A couple days,” Lucian admitted. “But it’s… making it hard to concentrate. And I haven’t been able to sleep. I need to be sharp, focused.”

I nodded. I took a deep breath. Using the fated bond to soothe his wolf was dangerous. But I’d been able to ease his headaches without hurting myself. So long as all I did was massage his temples a little, and so long as I kept my wolf in check, everything should be fine.

I sat on the bed and patted my lap.

“I don’t mind,” I said. “I did promise I’d do this much.”

Lucian hesitated. “We’re not supposed to stress you out.”

“It’s fine,” I said. “I can tell you’re hurting, it’d be wrong not to help.”

“Hm. You’re too nice,” Lucian grumbled. “It could get you hurt.”

I shrugged. It already had. But the alternative was to be as ice hearted as him, and I wasn’t about to do that.

“Do you want me to help you or not?” I asked.

Lucian huffed, but sat down next to me. He kicked off his shoes before he turned to lay his head in my lap. I appreciated the courtesy.

He rested his head in my lap. I stared down at him for a brief moment. He raised one eyebrow and I shrugged before I began to rub gentle circles in his temples.

Lucian went limp after just a couple minutes of soft rubbing.

“The headache was bad?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “That helps. Keep doing it. Just a little while longer.”

“Sure,” I agreed.

I was cautious, but I felt nothing strange from my wolf and not even a slight twinge from the mate bond. This was fine. I could do this much.

After a few minutes of surprisingly companionable silence, Lucian asked, “How have you been recovering?”

“I’m fine now,” I insisted. “I can go back to work. I’d like to get back to training, too.”

“The healer said you needed to rest,” Lucian said.

“For a few days. It’s been a week,” I protested.

Lucian actually seemed to consider my answer. Or maybe he was pretending to listen so I wouldn’t stop massaging away his headache.

“Light duty only,” he decided. “No training.”

“What do you consider light duty?” I asked.

“You can bring meals to me and Kieran,” he said.

“That’s it?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said, then added, “I still insist that you only eat food we give you. You can eat with one of us, or alone in here if you’d rather.”

I actually preferred to eat alone, so it wasn’t too annoying of a rule. But I still wondered why.

“What’s the point?” I asked.

“Safety,” Lucian said.

“You think someone would try to poison me? Why?” I asked.

“You refused to poison us. Someone might want to retaliate,” Lucian said.

“Well, if I’m too weak to survive and too foolish to realize my food’s been tampered with, shouldn’t I just die?” I asked. “I mean, that’s how you feel, isn’t it?”

Lucian looked away.

“You’re useful,” he finally said. “Enough to take a few extra precautions.”

“Oh, well thanks for that,” I muttered. I paused. “And, yeah, thanks for carrying me to the healers.”

“Your gratitude is staggering,” Lucian said, voice deadpan.

I thought about pointing out that I had few reasons to be grateful. Lucian and his brother had murdered my father, locked me in a tower without food for days, made me parade around in a collar in front of my pack, and turned me into their personal servant.

But we’d been having an almost pleasant conversation so far, and starting an argument wasn’t really worth it. So instead, I changed the subject.

“I’d like to start training again,” I said.

“Why is that so important to you?” he asked.

“It just is,” I replied.

I didn’t owe him an explanation. My reasons were my own.

“Am I being punished?” I asked after a few moments.

“No,” Lucian said. “You haven’t actually done anything to earn a punishment.”

“Then why am I a prisoner? I haven’t seen the other side of that door for a week.”

Lucian sighed and relaxed his head back onto my lap.

“Fine, you can do some training. Nothing intense,” he finally said. “Start with a light jog around the Alpha House. Stay in sight of the guards at all times. Do not wander off alone.”

I almost argued, but I remembered the feeling of the Rogue’s knife against my throat. Maybe he had a point.

However, I had been able to throw the Rogue off of me because I trained so hard. So my training wasn’t a waste of time. I decided not to point that out to Lucian since he'd already agreed to let me train.

The healers had warned me not to overdo it. Maybe starting with a short run was a good idea.

“Fine,” I said. “I’ll take it easy. For a little while longer.”

“Good,” Lucian said.

“Is your headache better?” I asked.

“Yes,” Lucian said, sitting up. “I’ll leave you to your rest.” He paused at my door. “I apologize if I woke you.”

I hadn’t been sleeping.

“Good night, Alpha Lucian,” I said.

“Good night, Zara,” Lucian replied. He walked out, still barefoot and carrying his shoes in one hand. He closed and, I presumed, locked the door behind him. For once I didn’t bother to test the lock. He had promised I’d be released soon. I couldn’t very well bring them their food if I was locked in.

I went back to the window and spent a moment staring up at the crescent moon overhead. Soon enough, I’d need to soothe their wolves again. Lucian’s wolf would take control, or the voices would begin to scream in Kieran’s mind.

And I couldn’t say no, because I would be consigning them to certain madness. I knew what they didn’t know. They would never find their fated mate, no matter how many Mate Balls they held.

Because I was their mate. But I could never, ever let them find that out. Before, I’d risked being trapped forever, never able to leave the pack behind and find my own way like I’d always longed to do.

Now I realized I’d also be risking my life. Yet I could not bring myself to ignore their pain. My wolf tugged at me, insisting that they were my mates. She didn’t understand my hesitation. She wanted to be closer to them, not push them away.

How long could I keep my secret?