Chapter 16

Zara

Don't distract Kieran? Did Lucian think I had a choice? If I had my way, I'd never be a “distraction” to either Alpha twin.

I had never met a man like Lucien before. He didn't justify his killing with pretty words about 'the greater good' or anything like that. He admitted he did it all just to satisfy his ambition. I could almost admire his honesty. Except he was being honest about murdering people.

I guess I'm just not suited for werewolf society. I'm too human, maybe. I just can't accept Lucian's kill or be killed existence.

For the few days before the Mate Ball, Lucian kept me at his side. He must have warned Kieran off, because I didn't see the other Alpha at all. That was just fine with me.

Lucian was terrifying, but he was safer than his brother. He wasn't interested in my at all, at least not physically. So I didn't spend my days wondering if I'd be dragged into someone's bed. Except occasionally I had to sit there and massage away Lucian's headaches. That wasn't too high a price to pay for peace.

Once or twice, Lucian would comment on our bargain. Mostly he reminded me of my side of it, that I had to calm their wolves. But one time he muttered something about how naive I was, wanting to live apart from the pack. I didn't respond, but I did think about it.

I'd been a pack wolf all my life. Was I really ready to live the life of a Rogue? I knew it couldn't be easy. But I just was not suited for the brutality of werewolf existence. I was part human. I wanted the chance to explore that part of myself. And I was determined to do it. I would leave all of the murder and bloodshed and fear behind, and live a peaceful life among the humans.

The third day after Lucian's return, he ordered me to put on some decent clothing. I was confused for a moment before I realized it was the day of the Mate Ball. I'd basically forgotten, since I was only attending in order to soothe their wolves.

I ended up putting on the white dress Kieran gave me. It was the only vaguely presentable outfit I owned.

I had to admit, it was a nice dress. The material shimmered in the candlelight of the ballroom. The skirt swirled as I moved and made me look almost ethereal. If I actually wanted to be noticed as a potential mate, this dress would be the thing to wear.

The dress would have been perfect, except for two things. Firstly, I didn't want to be noticed. I wasn't a potential mate for the Alphas. I would have preferred to fade into the background. Second, the pure white silk contrasted sharply with the black collar they still insisted I wear. It made the damn thing stand out even more than it usually did, and I could feel every wolf's eyes on the slim leather band.

I was sure Kieran had chosen to dress me in white on purpose. He wanted everyone to see the collar. He wanted them to know I belonged to the Alphas.

I saw Kieran outside the ballroom, standing with his brother. He devoured me with his eyes for just a moment before turning sharply to avoid my eyes. He must've gotten another lecture from Lucian.

I shrugged the interaction off and followed the Alphas into the ballroom. I would be their shadow during the Mate Ball. So long as their wolves stayed calm, I shouldn't have to do much besides stand there and keep quiet. With luck I was in for a long, boring night.

As Lucian and Kieran walked into the ball, everyone present dropped to their knees. The men lowered their heads and placed their hands on their knees. The women looked up hopefully, each one eager to catch an Alpha's gaze.

I stared at the colorful array of perfumed, perfectly made up women. Intellectually, I knew that Lucian and Kieran were powerful. They held four entire wolf packs. That took an incredible amount of power. But it was something else entirely to see it. To witness a flood of wolves kneeling in submission, each one waiting with bated breath for just a flicker of attention from the Alphas.

Was my rebellion foolish? Who did I think I was, to try to stand against so much raw power?

I shook myself and took my place in their shadow as first Lucian and then Kieran stepped up onto the dais and turned to face the crowd.

Lucian motioned with one hand, and everyone in the room stood. He didn't say a word, and he commanded everyone there. I had to admit I was impressed.

The women lined up to parade themselves in front of the Alphas. Each one was given a single moment to bow or curtsy, to flutter their lashes and simper. Each one walked away with heavy disappointment as Lucian stared through them and Kieran shook his head or shrugged.

I knew they wouldn't find their mate, because I was standing behind them. My hybrid nature meant that they missed the signs, and so long as I kept some distance between us, they never would. But watching Lucian's shoulders tighten and Kieran's smile fade into something fake and plastic, I felt just a flicker of guilt.

They were desperate. They were losing control of their wolves, and they could feel themselves devolve into madness. It had to be terrifying, especially for a wolf like Lucian who prided himself so much on his absolute control.

I watched Lucian sigh, and shake his head, and walk out of the ballroom before the Mate Ball was even halfway finished. Kieran stayed, but he left the dais and went to mingle with their guests. He insisted on keeping up appearances, on doing his duty as an Alpha. He ignored me completely.

I followed Lucian out into the hall, but he shook his head and told me to stay, to enjoy the Ball. I would have preferred to go back to my room, honestly, but someone needed to make sure Kieran's wolf stayed calm so I obeyed.

Lucian, to my surprise, called several of the women to his room. He never did that. I guessed that he was trying to find someone, anyone, who could at least calm his wolf like I did. He was hoping to find a substitute. I knew he wouldn't, but I didn't say anything. I just wandered the edges of the Mate Ball and watched she-wolves try to catch the eye of one of the lower Alphas or the stronger Betas. Just because they couldn't become the twins' Luna didn't mean they should waste an opportunity to make a good match, I suppose.

I wandered out into the garden. Someone had strung fairy lights from the tree branches and it gave the whole area a magical air. I let myself imagine, just for a moment, that I'd told them the truth and we were going to meet under the starlight. Kieran would hold me tight and Lucian would draw me in for a deep, bone melting kiss. My imagination failed at that moment and I harshly reminded myself that I did not want any of that. I was just letting the atmosphere get to me.

I did rethink my earlier decisions, just a bit. I would still leave as soon as possible, but maybe I wouldn't leave forever. I might visit from time to time, just to make sure the twins remained stable. I wouldn't abandon them to madness. I'd claim my freedom but I'd take care of them, too. I'd find a way to do both.

The mate bond twisted within me. I put it out of my mind. It wasn't fair that hybrids couldn't sever the bond, but life wasn't fair. I was learning to live with it.

I walked around the garden to soothe myself. I turned a corner and crossed a little bridge over a stream, and nearly collided with one of the servants.

I stepped back and opened my mouth to apologize, only to stare, stunned, into Adrian's eyes. My former fated mate stared back, almost dropping the tray of dainty treats he carried.

What was my banished mate doing there, dressed as a servant?