Chapter 258

Nina’s eyebrows went up. “What made you think of that?”

I told her about the photograph that we’d lost to the fire. She knew what I was talking about—I’d shown it to her. I told her about Conrad’s most recent email, too. In which he’d offered to pass down to me more of Alexandra’s family photographs and some unspecified keepsakes.

“It’s not really about taking those physical items from him. Though I do look forward to seeing the pictures. It’s more just that… Alexis and I have basically no family. Other than Alexander. And you,” I added with a wink.

Nina rolled her eyes. But her energy told me she appreciated the comment.

“Conrad is Lexi’s great-uncle. They are blood. I know he and I have… well, ‘bad blood’ between us, if you will. Some hard feelings and trust issues. But he is Alex and Lexi’s family. I don’t want to let old resentments keep me, or my daughter, away from the little family that we have left.” I sighed. “I want to talk to him. And I want him to meet Alexis.”

“That’s cool, Fi. I’m happy for you. I know it’s been hard on you, losing that relationship. I’m sure it’ll be good to get some closure with him.”I paused my movements for the first time since I’d started opening and setting up my laptop. Nina’s comment struck a chord. Made me realize something.

Yes, I had felt like I’d lost Conrad. I’d just been in denial about how much he had meant to me before our falling-out.

Because he was never just my boss. He was an industry giant and I had a ton of respect for him; and he was my mentor. If I were being honest with myself, I guess I’d come to respect him like a father figure, too. And surely he had once been that for Alexander as well.

Conrad was a sadistic jerk, a real piece of work, and he’d done some bad things I could never forget.

But he was family. And I guess sometimes, when you have a heart in your chest, you can’t help but love your family, no matter what they’ve done.

I realized all at once that I missed Conrad, and also that I had already forgiven him.

Alexander

Brandon pushed his black-framed glasses back on his nose, looking ill at ease.

Consumed in my own thoughts, I took his apparent anxiety personally at first. Stupidly thinking that he was uncomfortable in my presence, in my current state.

But it wasn’t actually about that.

“We can put off the coronation until you’re in better shape, of course,” my Chief of Staff was saying. “The news hasn’t been released to the public yet. How would you like to handle it, Alex?”

“I’d like you to handle it,” I growled. “I can’t very well go on TV myself, not like this.”

Brandon diverted his gaze, darting his eyes to the window. I heard his breath shaking as it drifted in and out of his throat.

I didn’t mean to scare him.

“I’m sorry Brandon. I’m not doing well. I already wasn’t, and this… I can’t deal with this right now. Please just handle it for me. Make the announcement. Just leave me out of it as much as you can, for now.”

“Alexander…” Brandon fidgeted with his glasses again. “I can fend off the press for today, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t push you on this now. The people are going to want to see their new Alpha King when they learn that your father is dead. Any longer than twenty-four hours after we break the news and we’re going to need to give them a good reason, if you still won’t make an appearance. We could have Fiona do it, without you, maybe? The people will just want to know that you are alive—”

“They want to see this?” I snapped, lifting my bandaged, broken hands between us. “They want to see yet another Alpha King lying crippled in a hospital bed? Really?”

Brandon took a step backward, bowing his head. He waited patiently with his eyes on the floor, I think knowing I just needed a beat to regain my composure.

I knew I was in the wrong, the way I was treating him, but I was too irritated to apologize again.

“I’ll figure something out,” I grumbled impatiently. “Twenty-four hours, I’ll make a statement. You’re dismissed, Brandon. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

My father had died this morning during a surgery. His doctors had been hopeful that this would be the operation that would allow him to really start to recover. But his heart didn’t make it through the procedure.

I’d been preparing for this all my life. Preparing to be the Alpha King.

But I never imagined I would be in this state when it finally happened.

I always imagined being proud when I accepted my new crown. I imagined standing tall before my people, a picture of strength, before taking a seat upon the Alpha King’s throne.

But now I could not even walk. I could not even stand.

“The Crippled King,” I said aloud to my empty room.

That’s what they’ll call me, I decided. That will be my legacy.

After all this time. All these years at war, earning my stripes and building my reputation as an indominable force, a god among men… This was how I’d be remembered, after all. The Crippled King.

I asked my doctor a lot of questions when he visited me this morning to run some tests. I asked him what my legs were going to look like when the casts came off. I asked him if they would work properly. I asked him why I sometimes couldn’t feel anything in my legs and feet at all.

I hated that his answers were all vague and noncommittal. He said, “It depends,” an awful lot. He tried to convince me that it was good I still had some feeling in my legs, and that there was a “good chance” I’d regain full sensation when I was further along in the healing process.

Maybe his optimism just irritated me. Something dark inside me wanted the doctor to just admit I was crippled for good, so that I could get angry and have an excuse to lash out, to be cruel to him. To anyone.

Suddenly Caius’s voice rang out, loud and clear. “I won, you stupid dog!” The words echoed in my ears, just the same as they’d done in the small cave room, where they reverberated off the ancient stone walls.

Maybe he had won, after all. Because I could not get him out of my head.

Visions of Caius’s horrible face crowded my thoughts at all hours. Attached to his body or not, the pale, ugly face was always talking, always going on and on with despicable, sarcastic comments aimed at tormenting me.

Sometimes I wondered about Fiona’s abilities. I don’t think that they are limited to just picking up on other people’s feelings. I think she’s capable of more than she realizes, or perhaps wants to admit. I think she knows a lot of things… I think sometimes she really can read other people’s thoughts…

And what if she could see these thoughts I was thinking? See these visions?

I couldn’t let that happen.

I would rather reject her, divorce her and cast her away than let her experience this.

She deserved so much better.She deserved so much better than a damaged husband with a damaged mind, who couldn’t even be around her without filling her with horrible thoughts and feelings.

I was supposed to take care of my Luna. I was supposed to protect her. And hold her and love her and satisfy her. All things I could no longer do.

She didn’t deserve to have to take care of a crippled husband for the rest of her life. She didn’t deserve to have to rule the country on my behalf. Stand in for me on TV or whatever, while I lay helpless in bed. She didn’t deserve that.

Maybe she would be better off if I set her free.