Chapter 136

Emily

The only thing that I have to worry about in this moment is breakfast. While Logan handles a meltdown over the phone, I am facing another battle in the kitchen, the stove top, refusing to work as I attempt to fry a few eggs for my husband. I am on the verge of giving up when the blue and orange flame flickers back to life, trapped under the weight of the pan.

I smirk at it, knowing that I have won the battle. It is simply the war that I have to worry about now. Before I can even flip the eggs, I look up and noticed the strained expression on Logan's face. I sigh and placed my hands on my hips, hating the fact that he is being tortured on our vacation.

Just from listening to his loud voice that carries across the open layout of the beach home, another supplier pulled out of the pack’s contract. It seems to be one of the bigger suppliers that Logan's pack was worKing with, somebody who helped supply medicine and medical services specifically to his pack’s needs.

It pains me to know that he is receiving so much trouble over his Alpha King campaign. It is training to watch people pick their candidates based on old loyalty instead of what they can promise for a better future. Even if Logan and I were not married, he would have earned my vote seeing how he is advocating for equality and equity for wolves of any kind.

“Bernard is a tricky son of a bitch,” Logan groans into the phone. He pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head, clearly agitated and angry at his beta’s incompetency. “You have to butter him up before you go into any kind of business talk or deal. He likes to be complimented.”

I flip the eggs in the pan and try my best to pay attention to this, not wanting my apparent disappointment to get the best of me. I just wish that this was a true vacation, something away from all of the work and intricacies of his campaign life, but it truly was too good to be true. Neither of us will ever find a break after this, especially after our baby comes into the world, so I suppose it was wishful thinKing that we could have this time off together.

I knew it was bound to happen. I knew that Logan's work would follow us wherever we went. It is a part of his life, and now it is a part of mine, that is just a bitter truth that I am going to have to swallow and accept as my own reality.

I slowly plate the breakfast. Eggs, fruit and berries, some slices of bacon, and a few pieces of toast. I walk over to Logan, who sits at the dining room table, and place one of the plates in front of him. He looks up from his phone and offers me a sympathetic smile. I shrug it off and lean down, kissing the top of his head.

“I am going to go sit on the beach,” I gesture to the beach through the window windows that sits behind him, “join me when you're done?”

“Of course,” Logan nods. He looks down at my baby bump and smiles, leaning over to give it a kiss before squeezing my hand. I smile back and turn around, maKing my way outside of the home.

Just as I am about to leave, I noticed my mother's journal sitting on a side table besides the door. I pick it up and tuck it underneath my arm, opening up the door before I exit. The journal feels heavy in my hand, and yet I carry the weight, feeling the warm sand beneath my feet.

I place a towel down onto the sand and sit on top of it, setting my plate of food beside me. I grabbed my mother's journal and place it in my lap, looKing down at the leather cover. My fingers graze over the scratches and tick marks that are now embedded in the material of the cover, feeling each, and every individual groove that is scarred into the cover.

I let out a deep sigh, exhaling all of the grief that I feel while staring at this. It reminds me of what I have lost, but it also serves as a reminder of where I have gone with my life, the life that I have built with Logan and the future that lies ahead of us.

I honestly just wish that she was here to see it. That my mother would be here by my side to help guide me through the intricacies of life and motherhood. I wish that it was her who taught me how to be kind even through the darkest of days but instead, I had to learn that through her words in her journal.

I open up the journal and stare at my mother's handwriting. I try my fingers over the words, tracing each, and every individual letter of her worries and sorrows that she unleashes onto the page. She speaks about me and her frustrations with raising a young child, the death of Derek weighing heavy on her shoulders as well.

It is like I can hear her voice while I am reading the words. It is slightly muffled, a slight white noise shadowing across her voice. It is like I can reach out and touch her as if she is sitting right next to me, the voice dangling right beside my ears, the back of my neck tingling.

Her voice feels fuzzy and distant, though. It is almost like I am hallucinating my mother, being here at my side. Perhaps the stresses of life and my pregnancy. I finally pushed me towards the edge. I knew this date was bound to happen, but I didn't expect it to come so soon.

My baby begins to kick around, relentlessly inside of my belly. My hands immediately clean to my stomach, feeling their tiny body push and pull around inside of my womb. It is an extraordinary feeling, one that feels like an out of body experience while I'm sitting here trying to figure out what is happening.

My eyes return back to the pages of the journal, the words growing louder and louder as I continue down the page. The Voice grows louder. It is as if my mother was far away but now she's right beside my ear, whispering the words to me as I read across the page.

I look up, my vision fading into something else, a different scene other than the ocean unfolding in front of me. As soon as I blink, though, it all goes away, the loud sounds and white noise disappearing in an instant, leaving me in the quietness of the beach.

The tingling feeling remains in the base of my neck. It stays there, floating in liminal space before it drops down my spine, sending shocks and chills across my body. My stomach flutters, and my baby gives me another kick before ultimately coming to a rest, calming down as my nerves slowly come down from their heightened state.

What is happening to me? What in the world is going on? Does this have something to do with my wolf? This whole instant leave me with more questions than answers but I remain open to the idea of this change, wondering if it will bring my demise or open up a new set of doors for me.