Chapter 122

Emily

Logan’s words echo in the back of my mind. I remember all too well the way he stood up for me against his father, the man who has wished for nothing more than to see me fail in my marriage with Logan. My husband, the man I love with the entirety of my heart, did it so effortlessly and without even thinking — I didn’t even have to remind him to say something…he just did it.

I still feel responsible, though, for being the reason that there is a small amount of disparity between Logan and his father. I know that my dormant wolf is the one thing that is holding people back from truly accepting me as his wife, as the one he chose to keep by his side for the rest of his life. I despise the fact that it is the reason why people dislike me, that it is a reason for them to not fully trust me and learn who I am as a person.

There is not much I can do about it. People will act the way they act and do the things the way they see fit. I simply have no control over the matter and honestly? It is a freeing feeling to feel once I came to accept those terms.

I lay in bed and watch as Logan slowly gets stressed for the day. He stands in front of the mirror and slowly ties his tie, the black material contrasting against the white dress shirt he chose for the day. Our eyes meet in the mirror every now and then, a small smile flickering across his face whenever I pretend that I was not looking.

I cover my face with the sheets of my bed, a quiet giggle, leaving my lips. I feel the mattress dip from beside me and a pair of hands gently gripped the sheets, pulling it down. Logan revealed his face, a dazzling smile spread across his lips, as he looks down at me.

“I take it you want a day off?” Logan asks. I nod with a smile, hoping that he won't see through the nervousness that I feel in this moment. “Alright, alright, but you're going to work tenfold when you come back, right?”

“Of course,” I respond with a light eye roll.

He gets off the bed and turns back to the mirror, finishing the last touches of his outfit before grabbing his briefcase from the door. He turns to look at me one last time, and I give him a small wave, curling myself up into the sheets of the bed, making sure not to squish my baby bump in the process. Logan leaves and I immediately sit up in bed, listening for the door in the sound of the car driving away from the home before getting out of bed.

I immediately make my way to my old bedroom where my laptop sits. I grab it and walk back out to the living room, making myself comfortable on the couch, placing my laptop on my baby bump, and pulling up the search engine.

I stare at the blank screen and let out a shaky sigh, closing my eyes for a brief moment as I remember Logan's words from the previous night.

It does not it matter if our baby has a sleeping wolf just like their mother. I will raise that baby as my own regardless. Their mother has clearly proven that you do not need an active wolf in order to be an Alpha of a pack.

Remembering the way he spoke in my defense, makes my heart flutter and yet I still feel an overwhelming sense of dread take over my body. I open my eyes and look at the screen, knowing that I must figure out a way to awaken my wolf as well as my child's to make our lives much easier in the long run.

I begin to quickly type into the search engine, asking questions to try and find articles and research papers to help out my case. Most of them are revolved around wolf, veterans, men and women who have seen horrors beyond their years. Others come from children with abuse of childhood, their wolves, being beaten into submission, never to be seen in the light of day.

All of the dots are slowly coming together. The single common factor that connects all of these events is trauma. Traumatic events that have fundamentally changed a person's mind, forcing them to atone for the things that they have seen and endured.

Could that have happened to me? Is that what happened to me?

Derek's death when I was a child, shook me to my core and I know that it was around that time that my wolf fell into its slumber. Was witnessing his death the catalyst for all of the problems I face in my day to day life? The thought shakes me to my core.

My eyes flicker to the side, landing on a website titled: Madame Wanda, a healer for all of your wolf’s needs.

The title is enticing, luring me in. I click on the website, and I met with an overwhelming amount of information. A photo of a woman, who I assume to be Wanda, sits in the middle of the screen. All of her qualifications are listed below her as well as a short biography.

I moved to other information on her website, finding an entire category dedicated to dormant wolves. She answers many questions in this form, helping other werewolves awaken, what they have lost. Their stories and testimonials fill the screen, making me feel a sense of hope that I will be able to fulfill my destiny as a competent she-wolf.

Madame Wanda has the same bit of advice for every person that she talks with. It is the one thing that I was afraid of doing.

In order to awaken one's wolf, that wolf must relive the painful and traumatic memories of the past. They must relive hardship in order to bring back what they once lost.

I immediately shut my laptop screen and push it away from me. I relax into the couch, pulling a pillow to my chest, hugging it to myself as I close my eyes. Shaking my head, I realize that in order to awaken what I once lost, I must face the darkness of my past.

This just means that I'm going to have to relive the painful memories of my mother, the way she slipped through my fingers and died before it was her time. I am going to have to relive all of the darkness and sins that my father has committed in my life, bringing in a new woman and her daughter, treating them like family while they treat me like an afterthought.

I do know, though, that the main source that I am going to have to relive is Derek's death. I am going to have to remember what happened that day in order to understand why I am the way I am. I am going to have to quickly accept the fact that I must talk to my father in order to awaken my wolf.

Whether I like it or not, it is becoming a well-known fact inside of my head that my father is the key to all of this. He must've had a hand in silencing my wolf and putting it away. If only I had my mother here to help me through it.