Chapter 115

Emily

The bags under my eyes are a deep purple color. My skin is pale and blotchy. My hair is frizzy, and my lips are cracked from dehydration. I look like a walking, dead person, a zombie that walks among the living.

I turned to the side and lookay at myself from a different angle, hoping that there will be some kind of site that makes things better. A site that calms my nerves as my ever-changing body develops through its pregnancy with my unborn child. All I see, though, our stretch marks that begin to take form on the skin of my stomach, deep lines are purple and red.

A sigh falls from my lips, and I close my eyes, unable to lookay at myself in the mirror anymore. I lookay so different from before. Everything about me has changed, either I am swollen and puffy or I lookay like I am about to throw up everything that I have ever eaten throughout my life.

It doesn't help, though, that I am stuck with the perpetual feeling of nausea while also feeling so inexplicably hungry at the same time. I am super sensitive to the world around me, and I am unable to find a good enough reason to keep going.

I open my eyes and stare at myself again. I wear nothing but my underwear, my eyes moving down to my stomach. It begins to swell in bulge, physically showing that I am pregnant with Logan's child. The stretch marks are the least of my problems, honestly, and I do not know how I am going to hide the growing baby bump in the next coming months.

I know that it is unfair to keep this from Logan. I know that I have to go to the doctor, and I know that the doctor will reveal my pregnancy to my husband, no matter what. At the end of the day, Logan will learn of my pregnancy and I have to sit with the fact that I have held it from him for so long.

What concerns me the most is the fact that Logan knows something is wrong with me. He has caught onto my morning sickness and has even noticed that I am more agitated than I usually am. It is moments like these that I wish that he was not a good husband, that we simply remained in a contractual marriage with one another instead of getting our feelings involved. Without feelings, everything would be so much easier.

I could divorce him and move on with my life, raising the baby on my own. Being a single mother is a tough job, but is a chance that I'm willing to take if it means that Logan and I can remain on amicable terms with one another after our divorce because, well, he assure to divorce me after he finds out about my pregnancy.

Logan… I don't want to leave his life nor do I want to divorce him. Over the course of the months that I have known him, Logan and I have been through thick and thin with one another. Our relationship has developed into something strong and it's worthwhile, not something that I can throw away just because things get too hard

I hate the fact that I am hiding this from him. I deplore myself for keeping such a secret as big as this one. The thought of him being angry with me, furious that I allowed myself to get pregnant, terrifies me.

I don't want to be somebody that he gets revenge on, somebody that he knows to be fake and false. I do not want to become somebody like the other people in his lives that simply used him to get what they want. I also don't want him to think that I am, baby trapping him, forcing him to deal with a baby that he never even wanted in the first place.

Will it seem that I am baby trapping him? Will he think that this is what I have been planning to do all along? Logan can be so quick to anger sometimes, a wild card that I can't even predict.

I quickly grab his T-shirt from the countertop. I slip it over my body and watch as it swallows me whole, hiding my newfound curves and baby bump from the world. I slip on a pair of spandex and give myself one last look in the mirror, letting out a deep exhale to try and calm my nerves down.

Maybe there's a way for me to get Logan to agree to having a child without telling him that I am pregnant yet. If there is, then I have to find it. I have to ensure that he is okay with being a father before he is forced to realize that he's already one.

There is a knock on the door. I gasped and stare at it, eyes widening. I cover my mouth and close my eyes, studying my erratic heartbeat before another resonates through the wood.

“Emily? Is everything okay in there?” Logan's voice comes through the door. “do you need help with anything? You have been in there for a while…I’m starting to get worried about you.” Logan quietly chuckles.

I know that he is trying his best in this moment. I know that I have put him through the ringer today, pushing him away before pulling him right back in, my emotions all over the place, erratic, and unstable. He must think that I am a crazy person, that he is married to somebody who is just absolutely insane.

I can't help but feel bad for him. Logan truly is trying his best in this moment and I appreciate him so much for it. I just feel like an alien inside of my own body, that it does not belong to me anymore, while feeling all of the emotions at once, unsure if I will be able to get through this without crying or laughing or throwing a all tough cocktail at somebody just because he looked at me weirdly.

Guilt begins to lay down on my chest. I blink away the tears that form in my eyes and force the thought of Logan out of my mind. He comes right back into my consciousness, though, and takes the forefront of my thoughts, taking center stage.

It is so unfair to Logan📱 that he is married to a woman whose wolf is asleep. It is unfair to Logan that his wife is pregnant and his child will likely have a sleeping wolf just like her own. It is unfair to him, a man who is running to be the next alpha king of the nation, to be forced to live with a woman who is ranked significantly below him, somebody who should be seen as a liability instead of an equal.

I open my eyes and stare at myself in the mirror once again. I let out a shaky, exhale and ball my fists at my side, trying to come up with a resolution that will benefit everybody in the situation.

There is only one conclusion that I have come to a conclusion that hurts my soul.

I have to keep this a secret from him for as long as possible. When I begin to truly form and show my baby bump, I have to leave so he does not become suspicious as to what is going on with me. It is a sacrifice that I must make alone.